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10 Reasons You Shouldn’t Breastfeed in Public

admin December 31, 2015

I thought I’d go ahead and ring in the new year with a little fun. 🙂

Why not?

Apparently, some of our esteemed legislators are battling it out via public comments on public breastfeeding.  It seems one man thinks that if a woman likes to “whip out her nipple,” (um, who does that?) then she shouldn’t mind if he wants to “grab it.”

Well.  I’m not entirely sure where to start with that one.  Or, maybe it goes like this:

Public breastfeeding is not exhibitionism.  It is feeding a baby.  There’s a huge difference between opening your bra to feed your baby, and “whipping it out” for others to stare at.  Women don’t want you to look while they’re nursing — really.  And, the fact that you think that a woman’s breast being out for *any* purpose gives you permission to “grab” her is…scary.  Seriously.

Anyway.

I thought I’d just add to the conversation, and give you my 10 reasons why you shouldn’t breastfeed in public.  No, really.

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10 Reasons You Shouldn’t Breastfeed in Public

1. You might make a full-grown adult uncomfortable

I mean…honestly?  You never know who’s around.  Someone might feel uncomfortable that you’re feeding your baby.  And that’s, just, like, taboo in society.  You can’t make someone feel uncomfortable.  Don’t you have any manners?

2. You might give an adult a sore neck, from having to look away so hard

If they’re uncomfortable, that adult might have to look away.  And that might cause a crick in their neck that could last for minutes.  How rude of you to cause them such pain!

3. You have to teach that baby that other peoples’ needs for “comfort” come before their basic right to eat

Your baby’s at least days old — she needs to learn that her needs don’t come first.  Empathy, darn it!

4. Your baby’s lungs need exercise, and what better way to get that than by letting them scream from hunger

You know the old saying — babies cry to exercise their lungs.  And they need to, so they can breathe better.  Or something.  Or maybe so they can play the tuba when they’re older.  Regardless, the best way to make ’em scream a lot is just not to feed them.  So really, this is good for your baby…in the long run.

5. You might accidentally flash some nipple and give someone a heart attack — that’s a public health risk!

You know that there might be some people out there who just can’t take the sight of a nipple.  And no matter how careful you are, as your baby is latching or or unlatching, there might be a brief, split-second nip-flash.  That could give some people a heart attack.  You can’t be responsible for that, now can you?

6. Your baby needs to learn that his wants can’t always be met immediately

Come on now…life’s just not fair.  We can’t always get what we want.  The sooner your baby learns that his needs can’t be met immediately, the better.  For some reason.

7. You might put other parents in an uncomfortable position — maybe they’re not ready for “the talk” with their children (you know, about breasts)

Everybody parents differently, you know.  That means there might be children around who are curious about why you’re feeding your baby with the no-no parts of your body…and then other parents might have to actually explain that your baby is eating!  That could get really uncomfortable — who are you to force that on a parent before they’re ready?

8. It’s disgusting — I mean, breast milk is practically like pee, how unsanitary

Because you know — breast milk and waste products are the same thing.  They both nourish a baby.  Oh wait….

9. You need to learn a lesson about planning your baby’s feedings better

Haven’t you heard of scheduled feedings?  Your baby should eat only every 3 hours, and you should plan to feed baby before you leave (in private, while staring lovingly into his/her eyes the entire time, because this is an intimate bonding moment!), and then not again until you get home.  And if baby doesn’t care and gets hungry too soon?  See #6.

10. You need to care a whole lot about society’s opinion of your parenting

This is really the most important one.  You’re supposed to really care what society thinks of you.  It matters a lot if they think you’re doing a good job as a parent or not.  I mean, your entire self-worth and all of your major parenting decisions should definitely be made by society at large.  How could you think otherwise?

Any other reasons why you shouldn’t breastfeed in public?

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11 Comments

  1. This post is amazing. So funny!!!! All children have the right to eat! Also, breastfeeding in public is nothing compared to the Victoria’s Secret storefront at the mall – I’d rather my son learn about the functionality of breasts rather than their sexuality.

    Reply

  2. Laughing out loud! I cover up because I want to, not because someone else wants me to. I’ll do whatever I d**n well please, as long as I’m not physically hurting anyone. Oh wait, you said something about heart attacks. Oh no!

    Reply

    • This is funny in some ways, but as a mother who has nursed eight babies in public and am pregnant with number nine (in other words, I am not new to this game) I think that not caring what anybody thinks makes more of a fight than there needs to be. As a Christian I am called to care about the concerns of others – yes that includes my baby. But I can be as discreet as possible. I do not have to walk around Costco nursing with no cover (as I have seen others do occasionally) just to prove that am free. I totally agree with the above comment that I would rather discuss breasts in the context of nursing rather than Victoria’s Secret. That said, I am usually able to feed my baby in a manner that is inoffensive to 95% of the population. There will always be a few that can’t handle even the most discreet mother, yes, but they really are the exception.

      Reply

  3. Sorry but is it really that hard to cover with a blanket? Women should totally be aloud to breastfeed in public but they should also have enough decency to cover up while doing it.

    Reply

    • Women should not have to cover with a blanket to make others comfortable. I don’t know of any women, personally, who breastfeed in an “indecent” manner (indecent, I suppose, being letting too much of their breasts show), but ultimately it isn’t anyone else’s business. They’re not showing off, they’re feeding a baby.

      Reply

      • Every woman I have seen walks through the aisles with her baby barely hanging on therefore showing her entire breast. I came around the corner the other day in Walmart and a young lady had her shirt pulled down feeding a baby on one breast with the other completely exposed. I’d hardly call that decent.

        Reply

    • Do you know how HOT it gets under that blanket? Dang girl. YOu try to feeed under a blanket. Trust me, you will be pulling it off your face fast.

      Reply

  4. I don’t care about your discomfort, my baby’s need do come before your discomfort. Breastfeeding is NATURAL and there should be nothing disturbing about it! Society says it should be kept behind closed doors, but it’s not SEX or anything. You don’t see your dog,cows, or any other mammals going to a breastfeeding room to feed. So Yes I will breastfeed in public unapologetically.

    Reply

  5. To be honest, I wouldn’t even care if it became normal for women to go shirtless or completely naked. Or men for that matter. Its a body. Everybody has one. If you can’t handle this fact, become a hermit.
    I personally do not care for flashing my boobs, but I do feed the baby in public. Yesterday he had a breakdown in the middle of a busy square, he would not stop crying, so I sat down by a fountain and fed him and all was good. If you let baby cry people talk, if you feed him people talk. People talk.

    Reply

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I’m Kate, mama to 5 and wife to Ben.  I love meeting new people and hearing their stories.  I’m also a big fan of “fancy” drinks (anything but plain water counts as ‘fancy’ in my world!) and I can’t stop myself from DIY-ing everything.  I sure hope you’ll stick around so I can get to know you better!

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