This is an issue that’s been on my mind a lot lately. It’s something I’ve always felt passionate about, but it’s especially on my mind now, given what’s going on in this country. I think it needs to be said.
Hard work has become evil.
A few months back I was talking to a group of women. One had been raised in Germany and was hoping to move back there. She was extolling the virtues of the system in Germany: “When you have a baby, you can take up to a year off work and get paid, and they have to give you your job back after. It’s amazing. In the U.S. if you want a better life, their answer is just ‘work harder.’” Laughter followed this, and awe over how ‘awesome’ Germany’s system was.
That last statement — what’s wrong with? “In the U.S., if you want a better life, their answer is just ‘work harder.’” Why is that a problem? Why shouldn’t we work harder if we want something better? Are we somehow entitled to a certain standard of living?
The only things I think we’re entitled to are the rights to life, to be free from persecution or abuse, and the right to seek work/employment and happiness. Basically, you get to be free from harm and you can pursue whatever you want that doesn’t infringe on another’s rights (so, if it makes you happy to hurt people, sorry, can’t do it).
These days, though, people think they’re entitled to a whole lot of things. They think they are entitled to housing: and decent housing, at that (like, all those very low-income people who bought nice homes and defaulted on their mortgages a couple years ago). They think they are entitled to all the free health care they want (never mind the quality of that system, that’s another post entirely). They think they are entitled to excellent job benefits (including several weeks of vacation or extended maternity leaves with full pay). Not to mention excellent jobs that are perfect matches for their skills and desires. They think they are entitled to have nice cars, cell phones, computers, the internet, TVs, large cable packages. They think they are entitled to plentiful food of any variety they wish (like going out to eat instead of choosing to make a frugal dinner at home). They think they are entitled to every social service on earth! And our government isn’t helping either, by creating tons of unfunded mandates to provide these ridiculous services to everyone.
Let’s be clear: I’m not against helping others. I think that it is our privilege and God’s command to serve those less fortunate than ourselves. But I think we, as individuals and communities, need to step up and choose to serve those who need help, rather than relying on our government to force us to do so, and providing help to everyone, even those who don’t need, want, or deserve it.
These days it’s pretty much a crime to say “Well, if so-and-so wants to have X, why don’t they work and save for it?” Depending on what “x” is, you’ll either get “But he can buy it on credit or with financing,” or “but he is entitled to have that, we should all have that.” I’m sorry, but you shouldn’t buy what you can’t afford, and you are not entitled to what you haven’t earned.
You don’t get to live in a nice 4-bedroom house if you don’t make enough money to pay the mortgage on that house. You don’t get to buy a brand-new car if you can’t make the car payments (or better yet, pay in cash). You don’t get to have a new Apple iPhone if you don’t have the money to pay for it (nor do you need it). You don’t get to go to a restaurant every week and enjoy a “nice” dinner when your family of 4 has to somehow eat on only $200 a month. And you shouldn’t spend 1/2 that food budget on beer!
The solution is obvious: you either have to earn more money (and therefore earn the right to a better life), or you have to cut back on your expenses.
I’m well aware that there are families, especially single mothers, who are working long hours to provide for their families and are doing the best they can to be frugal. That is all they can do, and they need our help (that is, local communities, not the national government).
I’m also well aware that there are people who make very little money and yet walk around with the most expensive cell phones and other technology. People who say things like “I have the right to buy myself some new clothes, DVDs, or computer games if I want to!” If your children are hungry, you do not have that right.
What we need right now is more hard work. We’ve raised an entire generation (or so) of people who are spoiled and feel entitled to having a good life. They’re afraid of hard work, and what’s more, they just don’t think they should have to. We live in America, darn it, one of the richest countries on Earth. We should live like it.
But hard work isn’t evil. Hard work is necessary. Hard work is how we earn what we need. And frankly, without it, we don’t appreciate what we have.
I don’t want to be given anything I haven’t earned. If I ever am given something I haven’t earned — that’s called a gift, by the way — I treasure it. I treasure even the smallest tokens. The other week I was given a pound of ground lamb to try from my farmer, for free, as a way of saying “thanks” for helping him (we promote his business a lot) and so we could hopefully drive more business by getting others to want to try it too. It was a small token. But to me it was huge. It was something I hadn’t paid for, hadn’t earned in any way. I treasured that I was given this gift of food.
We don’t treasure things this way anymore. When we are given gifts, we don’t see them as gifts. We see them as just something someone gave to us, for no reason. We’re barely thankful.
But we should be. When we have to work for almost everything that we have, anything that we have means so much. If you have to work to put yourself through school, you take school very seriously. You choose your classes carefully, you attend them all, you pay careful attention, and you do all the work. It means a lot to you because it’s something you’ve worked for. If you save up to pay cash for a car, you treasure it, because it’s yours. It’s something you’ve earned by working hard.
If you don’t work for something, you don’t take care of it. How many kids go to college on their parents’ dime and spend time drinking and partying and barely passing their classes? Too many. They don’t appreciate the gift of an education.
It’s simply human nature: the more we are given, the less we appreciate it. The less hard we have to work, less hard we want to work. Eventually we feel quite put off by the suggestion that if we want a better life, we ought to work for it.
Our grandparents are horrified. They lived through a time where every penny counted, and hard work was the only way to earn a good life. If they didn’t work, they didn’t eat, and they didn’t have a home. That’s sad, but it’s a fact of life.
Instead of vilifying hard work and talking about all of the things people are entitled to, we need to talk more about hard work. We need to value hard work, in whatever form it takes. It does not matter if you are a construction worker or a CEO, if you are working a job you enjoy and you are working hard. We need to encourage people to work hard in order to earn their standard of living.
Did we, when we first got married, have any right to the same lifestyle that we had in our parents’ homes? No! We made very little money, while our parents, being older, made quite a bit more. It was an adjustment for us, to stop buying clothes and games and movies and restaurant meals that we couldn’t afford. But we did. As we’ve worked harder, we’ve been able to relax a little bit. We’re still not entitled to anything, though. Someday we hope to have all our debt paid off (soon!) and to save up large emergency funds and pay cash for everything. And then we will be entitled to a secure future, because we will have planned and saved for one!
You’re entitled to everything you earn. No one should stiff you or belittle your work.
You’re not entitled to what you haven’t earned. No one should hand you a perfect life on a silver platter.
Let’s teach our kids responsibility. Let’s teach them not to be afraid of hard work. Let’s teach them (mostly through example) what it means to work hard. Let’s teach them gratitude for what they have!
And when someone says to you, “But you shouldn’t have to work hard to have that. You have a right to it,” tell them “No. We don’t. Working hard is what gives us rights. We earn what we have.”
(Then, we share our excess gratefully with those who have less than us, especially those working as hard as they can but who are struggling. Who will be grateful for our help, and we will be happy to give it.)
We need men who take their jobs of providing for their families seriously. Those are real men.
We need women (and men) who value the role of caring for children and the home. This, too, is hard work and should be respected.
What do you think about hard work? Do you teach your children about hard work? Do you think you should earn what you have? Do you think there is anything people are simply “entitled” to?
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TESTING!
Hi there! I"m new here, and I'll be coming back often! It's so good to see yet another momma with the same values as my own.
I agree wholeheartedly with your statements on hard work, and it's something that we strive to teach our three children. Unfortunately, like you stated, because of the culture we live in, it's going to be a difficult lesson to drive home. One think we do is that while making sure our children have all they need, we purposefully make sure they do NOT have all they WANT.
We also have them work to earn money (in our home) to buy those little frivolities that they want, so they appreciate them more since they were earned with their own money, and hopefully they'll think hard about what they buy, too!
Hey Kate,
I agree with your premise that hard work is truly lacking in this country. This really is true, especially in the teenage/early 20s generation currently. (I am in the later 20s age group). It is true that many students don't try in college because they don't know the value of their dollar at all.
However, I think that many European countries are onto something when they give BOTH parents significant time off from work after having their children (even adopted children). This allows the family to bond in a way that is healthy. It doesn't leave the new mother alone on maternity leave while the husband goes off to work, and it allows bonding with the child. I do, obviously, think a year is pretty excessive, but I do appreciate that both genders are given the opportunity to actually get to know their baby before transitioning back into the working world. Lots of people disagree with me, of course, but I think that this isn't against the value of working hard. I think it promotes the value of working hard for your family and keeping your family intact, even amidst the world's craziness.
I hope that makes some semblance of sense. Because I am totally with you on your main point. People don't know how to work hard in this country. My struggle (especially within the church) has always been that working hard is sometimes promoted to the detriment of family units. This isn't every experience, but it has been mine. Hope that makes sense!
Amen! Well said. Adam was instructed to tend to the garden BEFORE the fall (Genesis 2:15). So, work is not a result of punishment or sin. We're supposed to work and be productive. It's not a bad thing.
I am not against charity either. Far from it. But I'm against the current system we have of charity. I don't trust any 3rd party (such as the United Way or any other similar organization for that matter) to decide who gets my small donation. No, I would rather decide myself and that's what we do. Whether that's through time, money, making something, etc…
I enjoy most all of your articles, however, I felt a need to respond to this one.
The idea that we have earned what we have is unrealistic. It's not just hard work. A lot of us, especially if we are Americans, even more so if we are white, has been given to us. Here's an example:
Did you or I choose to be born in the US. Nope. I travel to Haiti twice a year. Most of my friends there work twice as hard as I ever have (and I consider myself a hard worker). Yet, they still can't afford education for their kids and face starvation daily. They did not choose to be born there. The reality is that we were all born into different situations that DRAMATICALLY affect our ability to 'succeed' in life. It has little to do with hard work. Sure hard work can get us a little farther. I just know that my being a white american puts me miles beyond anyone else.
I have also heard many times that the government shouldn't provide for people, communities should. But communities ARE NOT. So should we just let people starve then in the meantime? The early church was characterized by radically caring for the poor. There were even emperors who noted Christians cared for the poor better than their govt did. Just not the case today. And until Christians step up to the plate I'm all for the government doing it.
While it's true that hard work is important, I do wish things were made a little easier for single-income families. Our economy presupposes two wage-earners, and it's so hard to get by and have the mom stay home. Rents here are exorbitant, but it's almost impossible to save enough to buy a house while paying rent.
If my husband and I weren't both college-educated, I don't know what we'd do.
I'm not saying I deserve anything different, but I don't think it's unfair to wish things weren't *quite* so hard on families that want to have a lot of kids and a mom to stay home with them. So many are unable to do so at all — which never would have been the case 60 or 70 years ago.
And no, I don't think more government programs are the answer. Not sure what is.
Go Kate! couldnt agree with you more:) dont have time to write much…its almost nap time here….but just wanted to say i like this post!
Thank you for this excellent post. You have accurately and precisely hit the nail on the head.
As a side note, I agree with Alaina that it's nice to have both parents home after adding a new child to the family. My husband didn't have a "paternity leave" with either of our daughters, but saved vacation time up so he could spend time at home with us following their births. I personally think that's the best of both worlds…. he worked hard to have a job with vacation time, that he sacrificially saved (instead of using up willy-nilly) so that he could bond with his family during a special time.
Hey, Kate, wanna run for President some day??
Ok, I couldn't make it past the first couple paragraphs, because the first example you used of a person who isn't "working hard" is a working mother who expects paid maternity leave, and to be able to return to her job when her baby is no longer being breastfed for a minimal amount of time. How can an advocate of breastfeeding and attachment parenting possibly say that. Being a working mother is hard, and when you give all you can to a company they should reward you with time to mother your newborn without fear of losing your job. If companies won't do this out of the goodness of their hearts, then the government should mandate it, as they do in Europe. It's the least a country can do for their working mothers. Establishing a bond with a newborn should not be a privilege only afforded to SAHMs.
Kate, I would honestly be very curious to read a post from you about how you think a single mom, or a mom who needs to work outside the home, should manage to exclusively breastfeed. You often post about how you think breastfeeding is essential, and you say that extended breastfeeding is best. So if a woman needs to work, and can only take six weeks of time to recover from pregnancy and bond with her baby, what should she do? Are you suggesting in this post that she should just quit her job and hope for charity from the community? Qucikly find any man who is willing to support her? Divorce her low paid husband in favor of one who earns more? You mention in this post that it is lazy for a woman to expect a year of maternity leave, but you also say that a year is the bear minimum a child should be breastfed. So what's a working mother to do? According to you, she's either lazy for wanting support from her employer, or she's a bad mom for not breastfeeding for a year.
I'm honestly not trying to attack, I'd just be curious to read a post from you about how you think single and/or working moms can achieve your lifestyle without being lazy leeches feeding off their employers.
I agree with 99.9% of your post, but I have found in today's world, with the economy the way it is, sometimes you can work very hard and still need government aid, etc. for a time. I thought my family would never go for that, but when my husband lost his ministerial job a year and a half ago and started teaching in a public school, we found ourselves in a very tight situation financially. I work from home, so I can stay at home with our two children. My husband has his masters degree, and I have a bachelors, but with both of us working, we still qualify for WIC. I had to swallow all my pride to apply for it, and it has been a very humbling experience. I have chosen to look at it as God's way of providing for us right now, until my husband can find another job.
I think a lot of people do take advantage of the system and live outside of their means, but not EVERYONE does. We are EXTREMELY frugal with our money.
We must be quick not to judge lest we find ourselves in the same situation one day.
Not sure,
It's hard to compare our country with third world countries. Is it fair that our life is so much better/easier than theirs? No. But that's not really what I was talking about. I was talking about people in this country, with an equal chance to work. And I KNOW that people in that situation CAN better themselves. My father grew up dirt poor with a teen mom. He has a Ph.D. now, because he joined the army. That's still an option for people here. I can't really say how to "fix" the third world situation. Honestly. But here, where there are opportunities (the army is always there), what I say is true.
Sheila,
We're a single-income family. For a year I made less than nothing off this blog, and now I make nothing. lol. But, we do make it work. Though, yes, I do wish that things were easier on families. Just, as you say, NOT with government programs.
Nicole,
Single mothers are in a rather unique situation. But I don't think the answer is government programs, and I do NOT think that single mothers are in any way bad! They have to make some really, really hard choices. What I would say would be ideal is if an employer could work with a single mother to do some work from home, or allow flexible time (like, maybe a 2-hour lunch so she could go home and nurse her baby). She should have times that she can pump, too, during her work day for her baby (and hopefully breastfeed directly when she is home). Possibly the employer could even have a daycare on the premises so that the baby could be there and the woman could even take breaks every 2 – 3 hours to go nurse! Yeah, I know, wishful thinking, but that would be ideal! I absolutely DO support employers working with mothers and providing them more flexibility and options. I think that women should have a 3 – 6 month maternity leave, depending on the job field they are in. I think a year is too long. And I do think men should have 2 – 4 weeks of paternity leave too…. I also NEVER used the word 'lazy' to describe mothers on maternity leave (or mothers in general)! Nor did I call ANYONE a 'leech,' especially not mothers…. That's putting words in my mouth, and I honestly don't appreciate it. You say you're not attacking, but….
Working mothers are in a different situation than, say, a single guy (or girl) who choose not to work full time and therefore doesn't have much money…. (or someone who chooses to spend money on beer instead of food for their children!) Working moms are trying to do it ALL, which is rarely possible. And I used the example at the beginning only because it shocked me that people felt that the government should provide so much. It's only ONE example of things I find wrong with Europe. (And by the way, all that stuff isn't free…you pay with taxes on over 50% of your income in many places! Do you want to pay indirectly for services you may or may not use, or do you want to pay directly for services you DO use?) I think that employers are the ones who need to choose their individual policies, based on what makes sense in their fields. Is it hard for a teacher to take a 6 – 12 month maternity leave? Probably not. Is it hard for someone in a small, family-owned company to take a 6 month leave? YES! Making government mandates creates too much burden on employers who may or may not be able to handle that.
My original point stands, though. We've vilified hard work and we've come to feel entitled to certain things. Yes, we need more family-friendliness in companies, but that's beside the point. We shouldn't be afraid to work for the things that we want and need.
Leigh,
I think that's where we — ideally — need community to come around us. Our church has done this and we have tithed to them, so we have been indirectly involved in helping those around us in need.
Also, there's a big difference between people who need some temporary help and a leg up; and people who abuse the system. When unemployment benefits were extended from 12 weeks to 99 weeks, they found that the majority of people would NOT get a job until within 8 weeks before their benefits were up. That meant for a year and a half they were probably not even looking for a job! They were just accepting the assistance until it was about to end, and then they went out to look for a job. That's NOT the purpose of assistance! The purpose is to help families who are struggling to make ends meet, who are working as hard as they can and just need a boost. I'm grateful that there is something out there for those families. But to see how too many DO take advantage is disheartening. And yet, people then say "We need it! They're entitled to these extended benefits!" Really? They're not even LOOKING FOR A JOB, and it's okay to give them a living for almost 2 years? I don't think so.
Hear hear! The entitlement mentality in our culture is so frustrating.
I guess I just wish that the entire pro-breastfeeding community would stand together and say that ALL babies deserve time to nurse and bond with their mothers in the first year of life. If this happened, employers would do better in the end because their employees would have happier, healthier children and would miss less work caring for sick kids. Healthcare costs would go down. Families would be able to save more money and that would improve the economy. The entire country would be a better place just because we've decided to give women more maternity leave.
And, you say that you think employers should give working women some maternity leave and more flexability, but if the government doesn't mandate this, who will? I'm not talking about women who are high paying corporate execs who can bargain, I'm talking about factory workers, service workers, etc. If they said "hey, employer, I'd really like two hour lunch breaks when I have my baby so I can go home and nurse" they would be laughed out of the building and replaced. Some employers are sympathetic and understanding, but for every one of them, there are twenty who only care about the bottom line.
My point is, that there is a big difference between working women who just want a chance to practice the parenting style you advocate on this blog, and people who wrack up debt buying things they don't need and can't afford because they feel entitled. What bothers me in this post, is that you lump the two together.
So I don't agree, but that is no suprise, I tend to be in the minority on issues like these with Christians. (scratches head…)
I am generally fine to "agree to disagree" but there are a few points I feel like need adressing.
Re the army, many Christians or people in general are passivists and do not agree nor support the military. (This is a touchy subject and by no means am I saying people should not support the actual individuals in the military…) In this instance I do not think the military is a viable option, if it goes against what you believe in you should not do it. (I would not go work at a strip club because ethically it is against what I believe in…) I also realize that the military provides us a lot of freedoms and saftey, although quite frankly I don't think that is something we are "entitled to"either, especially at the cost of others.
A stay at home dad with a wife who works, becasue econimically it is what makes sense, is just as much a man as a man who "brings home the bacon". Just had to be said.
Tithing 10 or 15%(if you are a "generous giver") is NOT the same as the radical giving of the early church. That does not qualify us as believers to say "I'm doing my part so I don't think the government needs to do anything".
As humans, I think we all deserve access to basic healthcare, not just as american humans, but rather HUMANS. So, do I think we should have some sort of universal access, yes. But I think it is just as important that governments step up and provide basic healthcare to countries where the governments can't provide it. (The amount of people who die b/c of lack of ARV's in Africa is astounding.)
And one more… biblically speaking , even after years of hard work, we are still not entitled to ANYTHING.
I only read the first few paragraphs before I had to stop because I was so angry. After a few minutes, I finished reading the post. I think now I realize my frustration. You are privileged. You live in a world of privilege, yet you make these universal comments that are NOT universal. You need to clarify to whom you are talking and who you are. Without that information, you come off as narrow-minded and selfish. I completely agree that you must work hard in life. It is essential. I also agree that some people have ridiculous ideas of what they deserve, especially when it comes to possessions and technology.
However, you are generalizing so broadly, it insults a lot of people. You speak as someone of privilege, someone whose world is made up of privileged people with high expectations. I work in an inner-city high school. I can tell you hard work does always add up to a good life or a higher standard of living. My students face obstacles you cannot imagine. Many of them do not have the support to overcome them.
I am unsubscribing from your blog.
We try very hard to instill a strong work ethic in our children, though some children seem to have more of a "temperament" for it, if you will, than others. My oldest son, in particular, truly seems to understand the need for hard work, and thrives on it. My 2nd son is quite the opposite, and would happily spend the day sitting around with various electronic entertainment, if I allowed him. It is a constant job in itself to steer my four kids toward a healthy understanding of hard work and its rewards. It certainly doesn't help that I deal with chronic pain and would much rather sit than do. But again, demonstrating in my own life that hard work is preferable to sitting around and letting others do for me, I think, is helpful in training my kids.
My oldest son has definitely grasped the concepts of reaping what you sow. In fact, as we read through the Little House on the Prairie series, he had some interesting insight into this very idea. In that same vein, I work as a child passenger safety technician, helping people learn how to properly install their car seats (shockingly, about 98% of ALL seats are improperly installed). We do many "seat check" events in lower-income neighborhoods, where we give free or discounted seats to families who can show they are receiving welfare or WIC. Many times I've encountered families who come to these events with their children in old, expired, dirty and damanged seats and we gladly give them a free or very low-priced seat to help keep these kids safe. But it's frustrating to note that some of these same families are texting on their iPhones, wearing $150 shoes or driving brand new $40,000+ SUVs. Are they really in need? Or are they just getting what they think they are entitled to?
As for charity, I do believe that it is the community's place to help those who TRULY cannot help themselves. However, the government version of forced charity takes so much from those of us that can help, it makes it much more difficult to do. We have chosen to live significantly below our means so that we can contribute monetarily to our church's outreach programs, but we also donate our time and energy to volunteer in tangible ways – painting the house of a disabled person, cleaning and mowing the yard of a single mom, etc. Charity doesn't have to mean money; it can mean time and effort. For many people, time and effort may be all that can be given, at least as long as the government insists from taking from those of us who DO work to give to others who don't (whether because they can't or because they won't).
I have often said that the ability to work hard is the only inheritance we can leave our four children. There have been times when we have been severely criticized for it. I remember when my oldest was about 10 or 11 and he earned $10 per week (from us) for hauling and loading two big wood boxes daily to supply our two woodstoves. It was a big job and not easy money but certainly not "hard labor" by our standards. His dad and I do physical labor every day around our farmstead home. A friend at the time (who works in the pulic welfare system now) thought this was horrible and 'abusive'! Thankfully our son didn't. He said he liked working hard. He learned to be careful with his hard earned money. By the time he was 12 he had started his own business mowing lawns for neighbors and doing various odd jobs and yard work. He earned about $50 per week. In our family, I start when the kids are very young, practically toddlers, with the idea that money comes from work. My little ones knew all about "quarter jobs.' Even my youngest could empty the dryer lint tray or unload the washer into the basket. They would get a coin of their own and learned to put part of all that they earned into three jars labeled: Save, Share and Spend. Only the Spend jar contained total freedom. So far, three out of our four children (the youngest is 10) has made the transition around 12 or 13 to earning money from sources outside the family. Our oldest did physical labor and learned skills as a carpenter, lawn worker, and stonemason over summers between ages 12 and 18. Our oldest daughter had mastered classical violin and old-time fiddle playing to the point of being able to teach and had 5 students by the time she was 14. She charged $15 for half hour lessons. She also performed and played for weddings and various other events. Our younger son (14) has honed his skills as an artist and is earning around $50 per portrait for drawings working from photographs. He also plays piano extremely well and has begun to receive requests for this talent. Even our youngest daughter sells eggs from the hens she tends, crochets various crafts for sale, sells dried apples from a windfall crop this fall and is starting to make lip balms to sell along with the herbal products that I sell from my home business, Third Day Herbs. That was long winded but I want to say that our oldest son took three semesters of college which he paid for in cash himself while working full-time and buying his own car. He decided to go into the Air Force in order to both serve his country and to complete his education. He was top graduate from tech school and is now studying electrical engineering at the university near the base where he is stationed. Our oldest daughter is paying her way through Bible college while working and assistant managing the bookshop/cafe on campus and maintaining top grades. She has saved enough to go on mission trip to eastern Europe next spring during break. I am sharing this by way of encouragement for those of you with young families. Don't be afraid of teaching your children to work, especially when it is done in a spirit of joyfulness and everyone in the family works hard together as a way of life. My oldest son will be 22 next month and he told us that he LIKES working hard. "It makes me feel like an adult and like, no matter what, I can make my way in the world." We are enormously proud of our children and I have (finally!) gotten over feeling guilty for not being able to "do more" for our children.
There is an overall pervading sense of entitlement in all levels of American society. However I do not agree with you on the maternity leave. As a home-birth and a breast-feeding mother I think that longer maternity (and paternity) leaves should be accepted across the board. I do wish there was a way for such leaves to be possible without government interference, however that seems unlikely in any situation. But once again, I don't think long maternity leaves really fit into entitlement mentality, I think such leaves are just wise for parents and infants across the board.
Jennifer, not everyone who has gov. aid takes advantage of the system. My husband and I are both highly educated and hard working yet still qualify for WIC. We don't own a car, we rent a modest home, we don't have cable or gym memberships, etc. We don't go to the movies and rarely eat out. When we do, it's cheap fast food. We have very modest, "old school" cell phones. We have the internet so I can work from home.
I think people who drive nice cars and have i-phones, etc, must be guilty of some sort of fraud.
Like I said before, you can never understand until you find yourself in the same boat.
I agree with Joy. People from privilege cannot understand and have no right to judge. I can say that because I come from privilege, but the Lord has used this economy to humble our family.
It's interesting to me that some people say "Well if you've led a decent life, you just don't get it. You're privileged." Okay — I may have led a nice life. I HAVE. But I'm well aware that others don't. My parents grew up with very little, and my grandmother with even less. Some of my family members still have very little. I've been to their homes, I've talked to them, I've seen what they're dealing with. Family isn't the same as experiencing it myself, but it's as close as I can get without doing so. While I have sympathy for those who are in a difficult position or temporarily down on their luck, I don't have sympathy for those who simply say "You can't ever change anything" and just give up. Hard work MAKES A DIFFERENCE, and the entitlement attitude is a huge, huge problem in this country.
This problem isn't relegated only to the poor, either. There are plenty of people who make moderate or even high salaries and STILL live outside their means. They are the middle income people who buy $400,000 houses, two high-end cars, send their children to private school, take multiple expensive vacations per year (cruises, skiing, international travel) and somehow feel because they have worked hard that they are entitled to live outside their means. Sorry, it doesn't work that way!
We are NOT ENTITLED TO ANYTHING, except for life and the pursuit of work/happiness. And you don't have to be dirt poor to understand that.
I have to say that I respectfully disagree with a lot of what you're saying. A couple things: first of all, I don't think that taking an extended maternity leave is the opposite of hard work. I would not consider someone lazy if they take a long maternity leave. In fact, I know a girl who recently gave birth. She gets 12 weeks of paid maternity leave. Whereas with my first child, I had 6 weeks of maternity leave…at that I had to scrape together my vacation time and sick days and I didn't get paid for a couple of weeks. Is that because she works harder than I did? No. I worked for a small organization, and she works for a large national corporation. Is it fair? No. I think any working mom should be afforded the benefit of a decent amount of paid maternity leave, but in this country, if a company is not required to follow the FMLA, it's up to the employers discretion. Even at that, I think it depends on whether an employee is full or part time. Part timers pretty much get nothing…if I'm not mistaken.
My take on hard work is a little different than yours. I don't consider that anything I have is as a direct result of hard work per se. My husband and I strive to live frugally. We don't live outside of our means. However, I see God as my source…I can look around my home and see many things that I didn't work hard for or even work for period. God has blessed us with so much. I see His hand everywhere I look. For me to say "I worked hard for all of this, I'm so proud of myself" would be a huge disservice to Him. I can say with confidence that I don't have anything that I didn't receive somehow or another. Even my ability to have ideas or put my hand to some kind of labor is a gift from God. Now, I believe that we are to be good stewards of what we have. That's a whole lot different than saying, "if you want something…work for it!" If you are faithful with little, you will be faithful with much. It's a Biblical principle. Now, I realize that probably many of the people that you are referring to don't follow those principles, but I'm under the impression that you do.
I plan to teach my two children the value in serving and being good stewards of their "time, talent and treasure"…I too believe in earning your living and being a contributing member of your family, your church and society. I also believe in teaching them the power of obeying God…not just working hard…obedience is more important to my husband and I than "working hard for the life you want"…"after all these things the Gentiles seek". That's not the life we are called to.
Thank you Thank you Thank you. My husband and I had a very long conversation about this very topic the other day. I do agree with most though that your example was poor. I don't see America as a great country anymore, just one you can get rich fast in. Many other European countries hold midwives and mothers much higher than they do here which I why I respect their laws allowing women more time to be with their babies. It's actually much more accurate to the traditional culture in which you strive for. Enough of that though. I don't think that was your main point. We were watching a news report in our city about a fourteen year old boy who was skipping school. He wasn't just skipping school, he was skipping the school you go to when you've been kicked out of alternative school, which is hard to do. So, basically he was in juvi-school. A (school cop) police officer drove by him beating up another kid badly on the street and pulled over to stop him. After he broke up the fight, the kid ran away and the cop stayed with the other kid to make sure he was alright. He heard a call on his radio saying a women called 911 a few blocks down because she saw someone break into her shed outside and he knew it was probably that kid. The cop responded and found the shed, drew his gun because he didn't know what kind of weapon the kid could have had or found. When he tried to peek in the open door, the kid kicked the door into the cop to knock him down and the cop shot at him. The young teen died and now students are outraged and protesting that school cops shouldn't be allowed to carry weapons. (Columbine, anyone?) My husband and I can't believe the lack of personal responsibility people have for themselves anymore. No one is talking about what kind of parents this kid has or how he was able to skip school or why he would attack a cop. It is sad that such a young man lost his life, but it is not easy to get shot by a cop. How can people be angry at the cop for doing his job? For protecting the women who was home alone when someone broke onto her property. For making sure that he made it home to his own wife and kids alive. I just don't understand how people don't take responsibility for the shape their lives are in anymore. I should also mention that some college students in our area are going on a hunger strike until the government gives all the illegals who have already snuck into the country free citizenship. Have people forgotten that you can become a US citizen if you take the time to go about it the right way? My husband and I are so sick and tired of people expecting the government to take care of them. I see examples of it everyday. Like the employee who stole from my father's company and ripped off customers, got fired (after many chances to tell the truth) and then tried to file for unemployment which my dad would have to pay for. He also wouldn't work overtime because then he wouldn't qualify for food stamps. He even called in sick many times once for an obvious hangover and another for "scraping his nose". He also has a wife who doesn't work, has a very young child, and just got diagnosed with cancer (and a few family members who live with him in a one bedroom apartment). He passed up the offer of health insurance (he would have had to pay for part of it, small company) when he started working and now can't get covered for his wife's cancer. So, it seems they aren't really taking care of it because they can't afford it. ( I should also mention that he made the same amount of money my husband does and we get by just fine, only have house, one car debt and are on the Dave Ramsey plan) But, we found receipts in the company truck for rent-a-furniture places and other things he shouldn't have spent so poorly on. Typical. I just don't see how this is what people want their life to be like. My husband and I often wish we could move to a place where it wasn't as bad(like England) or The Farm (in Tenessee) and be around like-minded hard working people. We just want to get away from the mass of greed, laziness and the idea that the bottom line is money. I'm just glad you finally said something because I haven't blogged in nine months and I miss the space to speak my voice. It is nice to hear others who feel the same way because it reminds me that there are good examples of people everyday too.
Leigh, I agree that not everyone who has government aid takes advantage of the system. I apologize if I didn't convey that well in my post.
Wow, this post has generated a LOT of comments. As a dual income no kids household, some of the things discussed are pretty interesting. For one, I live in Germany right now and it is a very different place to live than the USA. For one, people don't work the hours that US workers do. It's a very common sight to see people off of work and home by 3 or 4 in the afternoon. Both parents are often seen walking with their kids multiple times daily – yes, you read that right – despite the weather, kids and parents are outside taking walks or riding bikes. Even in school, kids are outside for at least 2 hours every day. 2 hours of recess – somehow, I think that has something to do with "ADHD" that kids in the states are being diagnosed with. Also, older people, even if they have trouble walking, go outside and walk daily. Seeing old ladies walking with their walkers every day (weather irregardless) even if they can barely move is awesome. They aren't on motorized wheelchairs for ease of movement, they're TRYING to keep themselves moving. They also are still making an income at that age – I've seen countless older men and women taking care of younger working peoples' pets during the day or even babysitting! I've seen more than a few women who look like the stereotypical old German Grandma in storybooks (like witches in fairy tales) pushing little babies in strollers.
As for those who don't want to be in the military because they don't want to kill people, there are plenty of jobs in the military that can do that. In the Army, you can be an air traffic controller – you'll be in a tower, helping to keep helicopters flying out in an organized manner to deliver food and supplies to other bases. Maintainers – vehicle maintenance takes a lot of personnel and time. In the Navy, you could be on a submarine or a ship and never see any enemy personnel, and with the Air Force, they have more people in non-combatant positions than they have in combatant positions. So don't assume that the armed forces mean that you'll be killing people. You will need to learn to shoot a weapon at human-shaped targets but they aren't real people.
I have a friend from high school who got married and both she and her husband never did college. They both work fairly low-paying jobs and unexpectedly got pregnant. They use WIC. Her dream was always to be an author and despite working and having a child she's gotten published. They've been renting since they got married but are saving up for a house – not buying a house before they can pay for it, but saving for it. For her case, I think that the WIC program is great. They are both working hard at their jobs. Their little boy is going into kindergarten this year. Oh, and they aren't from privileged backgrounds – their parents aren't any better off than they are.
Just my two cents!
Oh, and remember, a working mother does all of the mother stuff AND holds a job…
Before conceiving our first child, we decided together that I was embracing a whole new way of life and that it would entail changes and some sacrifices. I had been very successful in a management position with a large banking industry and my husband managed a large woodworking business just outside of the nation's capitol. We bought an old farmhouse on 10 acres in a neigbboring state that was going to require LOTS of work. Since the shallow hand-dug well only supplied enough water to have quick showers and wash up dishes and we had to save up in order to have a deep well dug (which took 9 months), I can tell you these were some pretty drastic changes for me. I went from wearing $100+ business suits to overhauls, with my newborn in a baby carrier while I hauled 2 five-gallon buckets filled with water from the spring on our property into the house to heat on the stove and then pour into my electric washer to wash the cloth diapers. It was a culture shock in some ways, but also a blessing. We worked hard on our home while my husband worked full-time and we adjusted to one small income. After 7 years of working with recycled materials mostly we sold our little starter farmhouse for about a $60,000 profit and built the home we had daydreamed about and doodled drawings of for over a dozen years. It is not large or fancy and we still live in the mountains. My husband came from privelege but I did not, although I was not "dirt poor" either. I am so thankful that neither of us shunned hard work and that it never occurred to us that a government agency or an employer was responsible for making our life choices easier. I've never really considered mothering a "job" (although in some ways I guess it is). For me, it has been a 'calling' and I've noticed that callings rarely come with salaries and guarantees. They are something we give ourselves to in full surrender…a leap of faith. We have no regrets. As I think over the gardens, and adjustments to frugality, the new skills learned and the preferences surrendered I wonder if I shouldn't write a book about this wonderful adventure? To be honest, I am glad that it never crossed our minds to expect someone other than ourselves to be responsible for our choices. I might have been tempted to feel sorry for myself and give up, and homebirthing, homeschooling and enjoying the adventure of life with my husband and our four children is something I wouldn't have missed for anything.
Only complete freedom will save this World. While I do sympathize with all of those, that despite working hard, still struggle, Government cannot be the answer. Sure, Governments will benefit specific groups of people and in the short term. But considering universal humanity and in the long term, Government can only destroy. The fact that most people think Governments are the only means of providing certain services just goes to show how destructive the nature of Government is. All of us, and especially Christians, should carefully ask ourselves what it means to support any type of Government assistance. For example, saying Government should mandate businesses give 1 year paid maternity leave, really means you are saying people should be coerced by violence to hand their wealth over to new Mothers to pay for their time off. By supporting the enforcement of man-made laws (instead of God's natural law) we are giving the Government the monopoly to extort wealth, followed by the monopoly to kidnap and imprison (torture), and ultimately the monopoly to kill if that extortion or kidnapping is met with any type of resistance. I know, I know… sounds extreme. But please tell me how this is not exactly what the Government has the power to do if it's arbitrary laws are not met. It does not matter what people and companies 'should' do. It is never right to use force and aggress against somebody or their property for your own benefit. If you were made King of your country for a day, who would you send your armed guards to rob? You probably wouldn't do this because you would have the weight of being fully accountable for such an act of extortion and your sense of mortality would stop you. As a collective we vote to extort and murder and because accountability is spread across the collective we overlook the immorality of our actions. Shame on us!
Yes, far too many people feel entitled to a good life without having to work for it. But, I must say, that I agree with many of the points given by those who disagree with you.
You have forgotten that not everyone has the same earning power, therefore, hard work gets them considerably less than the average. This is not the case only for underprivileged countries but for the US and Canada too (I'm Canadian). You say that there's always the army. My father didn't have that option – not physically fit for service. And neither would my oldest as he is mentally challenged (autism and developmentally delayed). There are many with mental disabilities who really struggle. Communities do help but not enough, especially for those with disorders that are difficult to sympathize with. When a person sees you in a wheelchair, they are usually more willing to help then when your disability is less obvious. When my son struggles with loud sounds in the environment, the sympathy is a lot harder to find. He looks absolutely normal, it isn't until he reacts badly to his environment or one tries to communicate with his that his disorder is apparent.
What would happen if you had a child who was going to need lifelong care? What about if you or your loved ones became permanently disabled due to an accident or a medical condition that appeared later in life? Schizophrenia, for example, often doesn't present itself until the late teens, early twenties. Your earning potential is greatly diminished by such things as is your ability to find help. And caring for our disabled loved ones does require sacrifice in time available to work for money as well as higher costs due to their conditions.
Not everyone is blessed with the social skills or logical thinking skills necessary to be successful through hard work alone. They can work their tails off but are unsuccessful in knowing when someone is conning them or cannot balance their checkbook to save their life (thus they have a difficult time managing their money).
I don't know how to address the problem sufficiently. A big part of the solution would be to make credit harder to get. Businesses don't like that solution since it decreases the buying power of potential customers though. After all, the car salesman doesn't care if the money for that expensive SUV comes from your savings or from the bank. But as long as people are fed the belief that credit is available for them to have what they want NOW, it's unlikely things will change.
My kids are calling me so I'll end things there. I agree with your basic premise, but the wording or your post left little room for mercy or understanding for those who work hard but aren't as lucky in life.
This is a great post – you're only 'entitled' to what you earn is a great concept but in a time when thy cost if living is so extortionate, sometimes families simply cannot earn enough to even feed their children even when both parents work full time. Each case on its merits it what I'm saying I guess.
I do also think that mothers should get paid maternity leave. If governments want children to grow up to be tax paying, well adjusted, well behaved adults, then they need to help enable families the opportunity to give children the best start possible and I truly believe that is quality time at home with Mummy.