I am almost at 20 weeks now! I can’t believe it’s almost halfway. This is the point where most parents find out they’re having: boy or girl. Of course, because we aren’t having any ultrasounds, we’re not finding out. It’s been…a little weird.
Normally I’d look forward specifically to the middle of the pregnancy, because then we’d find out “who” this little person was. Plus then I’d start feeling the baby move (which I already have this time). The second half I’d spend finding a name and preparing things specifically for this little person, as well as bonding with him/her.
But this time I’m not really looking forward to the middle in any particular way. I mean, YAY, I’m halfway there, I feel my baby move now, I actually look pregnant and not just fat. That’s all great! But…there’s not any major event or milestone that I’m looking towards.
Pregnancy without interventions (we’ve had NO testing this time, except for basic urine tests, blood pressure, baby’s position, etc.) is really different. I don’t anticipate particular appointments because I’ll be taking particular tests. In fact, though I really love going to each of my appointments, they’re just a natural, calm part of the pregnancy. They’re not these exciting, high-stress, how’s-the-baby-now kind of events.
In my first two pregnancies I did think of appointments that way. ”This is my internal exam…this is my blood test…this is my GD test…” each was an event in and of itself, a new ‘rite of passage’ towards motherhood.
But now…I’m just sitting back and enjoying my pregnancy for what it is. I’m not worried about external measures. There’s a small amount of worry in it — primarily because it “isn’t normal.” But there’s also freedom in it. I can concentrate on my body and my baby, and feel what I need and do it. I focus on my cravings and my thoughts and my feelings. I spend regular times just paying attention to my baby tapping away at me.
Isn’t that what pregnancy should be about? Getting closer to ourselves and our babies? And then when our babies are born, we feel comfortable in tune with them and ourselves. We know to pay attention to our instincts and do what feels right, instead of second-guessing ourselves and wondering what someone else would have us do. When we get poor advice, we shrug it off because we know it doesn’t matter.
Part of that freedom is doing this for the third time, of course. I have done it before and I do what it’s all about. People don’t freak me out when they say “But what about…” because it’s probably something I’ve heard many times. It’s not that easy the first time to ignore that stuff. I know because I didn’t, even when I should have.
I read What to Expect When You’re Expecting cover to cover, many times while pregnant the first time (an absolutely useless book if you want a natural experience, by the way, don’t even glance at it!). I paged through it a couple of times during my second pregnancy. I haven’t even seen the book (or any book) this time. I don’t want to read stupid mainstream drivel. I do trust my body, and my midwives, and I don’t need books that freak me out about absolutely nothing.
And by the way, if you’re not reading me over at Babble yet, you are missing out. There have been some seriously awesome posts this week! Check it out:
[Insert Babble posts]
How do you feel about pregnancy? Do you feel that without all the extra tests and stress that things “go better” for you? Or do you feel better after the tests, knowing things are okay?
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