22 weeks! Or, well, tomorrow I will be. I definitely look pregnant now. I finally took a new picture so you can see. At 18 weeks I still just had a slight bump, that could easily be mistaken for…well, nothing. But now even strangers can be pretty sure I’m actually pregnant.
This pregnancy continues to intrigue me, because it is still so different from my other two. I’m expecting an entirely different child to come out this time! My first two are so intense, and this one I have a feeling will be a bit of a dreamer. It should make life pretty interesting. 
I’ve noted that choosing names for our children has actually mimicked their personalities quite well. With our first, we argued a lot and I was stubborn for no reason. And…so is she. With our second, it was very emotional and drawn-out and I cried a lot. And…he is quite sensitive. And now? A good friend sent us a list of names, because we had no ideas. I forwarded it to Ben, and he came back a couple hours later and said “How about this?” It wasn’t a name we would have ever considered before; pretty much the opposite! But it somehow seemed right, and we just said “okay.” Done. It’s never been so easy. (So, we do have both a boy and girl first name chosen…no middle names yet.)
Although I’m still only in the middle of my second trimester, I’m already starting to think towards the birth. I know it’s early, but I have a lot of “stuff” to deal with. Discussing this with my midwives last week really made me realize that. I really want to work through my other birth experiences and come to a place where I understand them and I’m at peace with them (especially the first) and I can let them go. My midwives believe that my first experience held me back last time. I don’t want that to happen this time. I want to go into it with my “stuff” behind me (as much as possible) so I can just release and let it happen.
My plan is to continue to go over my first birth in my head and examine how it really was…how I really felt…how I wish it had been. Just to visualize it, and to understand why it happened the way it did, and even imagine certain moments as if they’d been different. I’ll discuss this with my midwives and perhaps with another counselor, as well as with Ben. It will help to talk through it, because it always helps me to do that.
Beyond that, I want to prepare for this birth as best I can. I plan to do some exercises (especially squats) to strengthen my muscles. I want my body to be prepared to work as effectively as possible when the time comes. I’ll be working on relaxation and visualization exercises (which I used only a little during Daniel’s birth, but it did help to center and calm myself) to aid the birth. I will be going through all of the things that are anomalies, yet “normal for me” so that we all know what to expect this time and we don’t worry about anything.
For example, it is normal for me to have contractions lasting exactly 40 seconds, all the way through transition (most women get contractions up to 90 seconds long at the end). We won’t worry this time that things aren’t progressing or aren’t “strong enough” or something because we know this is fine and definitely ends with a baby!
I happened to notice — just because I’d been having round ligament pain and some Braxton-Hicks — that I’m already dilated to 1 cm. Ha! So early too. This happens more and more in subsequent pregnancies. I can’t wait to see how far I’ll be when I actually go into active labor (I was a 1 with Bekah and a 3 with Daniel). I am not worried about it because all else is normal.
There will be more that I do, too, as I continue to research and move through the next several weeks. I am envisioning this birth as being entirely different, and I’m looking forward to that! I am really very excited about this. I feel like the first half of the pregnancy was full of difficult and stressful times, very confusing too. But now a lot of stuff is resolving and I can see how a lot of what I experienced before has prepared me for where I am now. It can only get better!
Can't wait to see the picture!
I'm excited for you as you look forward and prepare for this birth! However, I feel worried if you are only in the middle of your pregnancy and already dilating, even 1 cm. I don't claim to know everything, and I do feel that effacement is a bigger sign of approaching labor than dilation… but still, if you are even starting to dilate this early, I think you need to slow down and take it easier, and definitely discuss and be checked out by your midwife. As we all know, sometimes mamas really do go into premature labor without a lot symptoms or very little warning, and then they have a very tiny baby born on the edge of life and death. Most women think it can't happen to them, but it can. I had a premature baby and it was one of the hardest things to ever see any child go through. And don't assume that things will start around the same time as previous labors. I am a mom who has gone THREE WEEKS overdue with one child, 1 week overdue with 2 other children, but yet I had a preemie. Please be careful!