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Last week I wrote about Sunday Christians. I had an important reason for doing so: my own “Sunday Christian” upbringing makes me feel like my hands are really tied in raising my own kids.
That is to say, I didn’t grow up with the example of the kind of mom I want to be. It’s not that I didn’t have a good mom, who did her best. But she is unapologetically “not-so-religious.” Because I didn’t grow up in a home where prayer was constant, reading the Bible was frequent, and discussions of faith occurred as a thread in the fabric of our everyday lives, I…don’t know where to start now.
I know, to some extent, how I want to be: I want my kids to always make choices based on what Jesus would have them do. I want their hearts to be full of love and to know they are special and saved by Jesus. I want them, especially in hard times, to turn to Jesus first. I want to have a home full of love and prayer.
What this looks on a day-to-day basis…I’m still struggling to figure out.
I don’t know what to say. I don’t know how to start these things. And sometimes I feel like an imposter when I try, because I know I’m not measuring up to the standard I’d like to meet. I want to be a mom who is always patient and happy and generous, who shepherds her children’s hearts and always remembers that developing a relationship with the child is more important than anything else.
But I’m not that patient. I’m not sure how to always shepherd a child’s heart. And I forget sometimes that the relationship is paramount…until it’s too late.
The other day I got out eggs to make breakfast, started heating the pan, and stepped out of the kitchen for less than a minute. When I came back, half a dozen eggs were all over the floor and my son was in the middle of the mess. We (obviously) hadn’t eaten yet, they’d been on the whiny side that morning…and I lost it. “Out of my kitchen! Do you see that mess you’ve made? You don’t touch the eggs!” He pouted, he cried, he looked so very sad. Then I remembered that although it is very annoying, it is only eggs and he is only a little boy, and that I ought to worry more about loving him than the broken eggs on the floor….
There are happy moments though, too. Recently my daughter decided we would pray, several times a day (I think she learned some of these prayers at church, although she sometimes speaks in gibberish and I am not sure what she is praying for). She gets out a chair and stands on it, folds her hands, and starts praying: “Dear God, thank you for…thank you Jesus for saving us, thank you for Mommy and Daddy and Nana and Papa and Grandma and Grandpa and playgrounds and kitties and our friends…” this goes on for a minute or so, then she says, “AMEN!” and claps and cheers.
My son loves this. He always asks for more (so this activity can go on for quite awhile!). I don’t think he fully understands exactly what we are doing, but he is associating prayer with a happy and exciting activity, and for now, I am okay with that. 
Recently, my daughter even asked to be the one to pray before we ate. That was exciting! When we first started to pray regularly at meals a year or so ago (yes, very late, I know…) she’d throw a fit about it, not understanding why she needed to wait to eat. But now she’s very into it. Sometimes she directs us to fold our hands instead of holding hands. We let her lead this.
So we have bright spots. But we don’t pray enough. We don’t listen to enough uplifting music (mostly just in the car, but it’s usually turned down then so we can talk — I teach my daughter a lot during car rides).
I’ve heard of families who sing a little song about the day the Lord has made each morning, and I love it. I wish we did it, but I don’t know how to start.
I’ve heard about all these “Proverbs 31 wives” (one of my contributors is working towards this) and it sounds insurmountable to me.
For awhile we prayed whenever we disciplined…and sometimes we still do. But sometimes I am, unfortunately, too annoyed. 
I feel like in my head I could do it perfectly. In my heart I have a strong desire to do more. In my actions…there’s a lot yet to be desired.
Now, I’m trying to see into the lives of more Christian families. I’m trying to surround myself with those who are truly on fire for the Lord. I want to be completely enveloped in the culture, to see how other families do it. Then maybe I can let them teach me…and maybe I can come home and implement parts of what I see. I may not have had the example growing up, but perhaps I can learn from examples now.
That’s why it’s so important to me, now, to discern the “Sunday Christians” from those sold-out Christians in my own life: I don’t want to be a Sunday Christian. I don’t want to fall into the ways of the world. I don’t want to lose my path when the tragedy (my children not knowing the Lord) could be great. It led me to ponder that many of those I see around me are probably Sunday Christians, and to wonder about the phenomenon in general.
So I am seeking those sold-out Christians now, and simplifying my life so that I have time for what is truly important. It is so vitally important that my entire family is surrounded by those like us, who can help us when we are still finding our way. Who can lead us while we humble ourselves.
If anyone would like to share how their families work, and how they shepherd their children…I’d love to hear it.
Have you ever struggled to find your way as a Christian mom?
It's like you said perfectly where I am right now. I'm striving to be better but feel as if I'm falling short. But always doing more each day to bring God into our lives. Thank you for posting this.
Kate,
I was so moved by this post. Your words echoed so much of what is in my heart daily.
I am, I suspect, older than you, but we still have young children. Though I am further down the road in years, the struggles are the same.
We too are seeing like-minded Christians who seek to be true, but failing, followers of Christ.
May we encourage each other in the days ahead, under His grace all the time.
About the "annoyed" issues, are you familiar with the verse that says that "a fool shows his annoyance at once, but a prudent man overlooks an insult"? Proverbs 12:16. That verse helps us and is necessary daily.
May the Lord bless you as you seek to honor Him.
I too am paving a new way as my parents failed me in many ways. I told my children after the big snowstorm here in OK- I am like a snowtruck; I am pushing all the hard stuff out of the way do you can follow behind me easily. The best way children learn, I've found, is modeling. They pick up very quickly. Sometimes I'm impressed. Wow- they just said thank you to the sales person- well they hear me being gracious all the time. Then I hear them repeat a phrase of mine, and maybe that's not so good. (well I don't mean I curse!) I love The Continuum Concept and Scott Noelle's work, though not Christian, I read it through the lens of a biblical viewpoint and it changed my whole relationship with my children. I would strongly encourage anyone to read ThyRod and Thy Staff they comfort me by Samual Martin- which is 100% Christian and bible based. amazing!! Oh, and I totally relate about the
egg incident!!
I know exactly what you're talking about, and I feel the same way! I did grow up in a solid Christian home, not just a "Sunday Christian" home. Sometimes I feel like I'm coming up short as a mom though too-it's so easy to get caught up in your own family that you forget that if you want them to behave well and grow up as a good Christian kid, then it's my job as a mom to make sure that's what happens! I lose my patience sometimes too, which really frustrates me. I think you're right on track with finding a good example and learning from them…since my mom raised 3 kids so well, I think I'll seek out her help!
Couple of things. First what do you mean by sold out Christian?
Second my mom was always in an additional group through church. When I was growing up my parents and several other parents would get together once a month. They'd do an additional bible study or missionary outreach or whatnot. They made great long lasting friendships through these groups. My mom is in one now and she calls them her God family. Their kids call her grandma and such. They have dinner once a month and do an additional study over the readings for that week. They also support each other. When my mom was in a rehab for a few months recovering from a major injury they all got together to clean and organize her house. You might want to see if your church has these "small groups" to join. They are not affiliated with the church but started within the church community. As a matter of fact in the last 10 years she's been with the same group, everyone but her has left the church to find a new church home for one reason or other. But they still gather to pray talk and learn and occasionally outreach.
Crystal,
There are a LOT of things my 3-year-old repeats that I kind of wish she wouldn't. Among my current 'favorites,' "Yes, Mommy, I hear you," (meaning, you know, she gets that I'm asking her to stop but she doesn't care, lol) or "You come here. If you don't listen, I'll have to spank you." Things that I don't necessarily think are inappropriate for ME to say…but not so fun from a 3-year-old, lol!
Lea — I just mean, people who are totally committed to making God a part of their daily lives, in seeking His guidance all the time. Our church heavily encourages small groups, but we haven't found one where we fit yet. We are hoping to start one this fall (I'm hoping to lead a temporary one in the women's summer study, maybe I'll meet like-minded people there) that is very family-centered; a lot of the groups tend to have baby-sitting (or not even that) but don't invite the kids to participate really. And we feel strongly about keeping our kids with us and having "family church" in a way (and that a small group is a more appropriate place to do this than a large church setting). That's really another post in itself.
To offer a bit of encouragement, Kate:
1. You are aware that where you are is not where you want to stay. That's huge. I don't know how often you're able to spend time with other moms in your church support structure on a weekly basis, but find one or two of them that seem to be doing a good job and ask them how they are going about it. Research this the same way that you research your posts for your blog.
2. No one (that is human!) is perfect. When you make a mistake, once, twice, etc., and you apologize/ask forgiveness, etc., you are teaching your kids that they can be real. If we could be perfect, then theoretically, we could earn our own salvation and would not have needed Jesus to come and rescue/redeem us. Kids need to see us coming to grips with/acknowledging that even parents make mistakes and need God to forgive them. Being transparent like this allows us to model a genuine faith walk. We don't want to raise kids that turn away from their faith in college because we were fake and never (at least in our own eyes!) made mistakes.
3. Re: the Proverbs 31 woman…I have personally taken Ms. 31 off of her pedestal. I could keep beating myself up over how much I am lacking her perfection or I can acknowledge that she had live-in nannies, maids, etc. (To quote from memory: She gets up early and prepares portions for her (wait for it!) *servant girls.*
4. Be careful, please, about surrounding yourselves with *only* Christians. In Romans 10, the Apostle Paul is talking about salvation and in verses 14 and 15, he says,
"14 How, then, can they call on the one they have not believed in? And how can they believe in the one of whom they have not heard? And how can they hear without someone preaching to them? 15 And how can they preach unless they are sent? As it is written, “How beautiful are the feet of those who bring good news!”
If we only spend time with other Christians, we are hoarding Christ rather than sharing him and the good news with those who need it.
Still, I think you're totally on the right track. You've identified where you want to be and now you're researching how to get there. A couple of books that have really helped me in this arena:
"The Most Important Place on Earth: What a Christian Home Looks Like and How to Build One" by Robert Wolgemuth
"Raising Kids on Purpose for the Fun of It: Hundreds of Ideas for Family Fun and Recreation and the Teaching of Christian Values" by Gwen Weising
"The Jesus Storybook Bible: Every Story Whispers His Name" by Sally Lloyd Jones –> this is a beautiful little Bible paraphrase – we generally try to read out of this every evening before prayers and bed.
And, of course, the Bible itself is a wonderful reference manual for how to raise our little treasures.
The thing that is going to make the biggest impact on your children is how you live your faith at home. When you're doing dishes, sing or pray or practice memorizing scripture. Bekah is old enough to do this with you. Start with simple ones like "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength" Philippians 4:13 and work up to the bigger ones like "Trust in the Lord with all of your heart and lean not on your own understanding…" etc. Go ahead and have her learn the address of the verse as you go. Helping your children write God's word on the "tablet of [their] heart(s)" (Prov. 3:3) is a magnificent service to them. You can do this while driving or snuggling or well, anytime really. You say a couple words and have the child(ren) say the words after you. Work on it a little every day. This is how I recently taught my 4 1/2 and 3 y.o. the Lord's Prayer.
heh…I need to stop. I could keep going and going, but there are other things I need to get done. God bless you, Kate, for your desire to honor God in your life and your home. I believe he will honor you and give you the desire of your heart in this. /hug
I am not a mom yet(by november tho:)Lord willing) so I don't know exactly how I will fail or struggle. I know I will tho because I am only human and the only perfect one is God, but I do know that we can rest in Jesus and take it all to him and know that he cares and understands and will help according to his plan and will. No one can do it on there own, we all need Jesus help. One of my favorite things to remember when I get discouraged is that God never gives you more than you can handle and that God only gives you strenghth for today, not for today and tomorrow because He has tomorrow in HIs hands and there is nothing to worry about when He is in control:)
Have you read the "Guarded by the Gospel" blog? The tagline is "mothers finding safety and solutions in Jesus our savior" I just discovered it, as the author did a guest post on the "Passionate Homemaking" blog, but I think you would like it. http://guardedbythegospel.blogspot.com/
I definitely feel the same struggles you do, Kate! I grew up in a 100% non-Christian home and had a powerful, eye-opening experience that lead me to become a "sold out" Christian when I was 19 years old.
Now that I am a mother I feel that total lack of direction, lack of role model, lack of mentor. It is hard for me to even know where to start, or what to say. Then I worry that I'm not doing enough to feed them spiritually, even though I'm not really sure how to do it in the first place! At times, I beat myself up for losing patience and temper, unwilling to forgive myself let alone ask God for forgiveness. It is just now, after being a mom for 4 years, that I am starting to realize that I am a good mom because I at least recognize my failures and fight hard against my natural self through prayer and seeking the Lord to become a better mama. I would be a bad mom if I just said, "oh well, who cares if I yelled at my kids today, they were so annoying!"
Thank you for sharing your heart, I am sure this will touch many mamas who are scared to let anyone know that they aren't perfect.
What an excellent post. You expressed my sentiments exactly. thank you for sharing, and I look forward to joining you on this journey!
We have an 11 year old son. We have a morning devotional which includes a hymn, family prayer and scripture study. He can now obviously participate in the reading but yours are still tootiny for that so you could read to them for a few minutes. just to get them hearing the scriptures will help. We also have family prayer before bed and each meal. When my son was old enough we had him follow our lead and have his own additional scripture study each day about 20 min.. I would consider myself as "sold out" as one can be and want my children to have and know all that I have. Monday night is family night for us. We have a short 10 minute lesson do an activity and have a treat. Family is so important as you know and we have an obligation to teach our children well. I would be happy to discuss this futher with you if your interested! Good Luck. And trust the Lord he will lead the way.
God bless you and your family for your persistence in chasing after God. Hope these spots might be inspiring and helpful:
- http://www.famtime.com
- http://www.visionaryfam.com
- http://www.faithbeginsathome.com
Anyway, our family likes to incorporate ALOT of their ideas.