Image by Val-J
By Erin Odom, Contributing Writer
When I was still teaching school, I met a little girl I will never forget. Instead of sporting pigtails and donning dresses, she looked just like a little boy.
Her parents cut her hair like a boy, dressed her in boys’ clothing and wouldn’t let her play with dolls or other gender-specific toys.
But it was clear this little girl was very feminine. She wanted to look like a girl. She loved to dance and twirl and have tea parties. She gravitated towards the other little girls, although she looked more like her male classmates.
When her teacher asked her mother why she dressed her like a boy, she said: “Oh, well, she’s the youngest of four girls. We wanted a boy, but we got her.”
This saddened me.
And it sickened me.
Here was a little girl who wanted nothing more than to embrace the feminine characteristics and longings God had created in her.
Yet her femininity was stripped from her.
That little girl should be middle school by now. I wonder how she’s coping through puberty.
Image by randomart
Teaching Gender
Teaching gender roles is quickly becoming taboo in today’s world.
In an effort to break down traditional gender stereotypes, western culture has gone to the opposite extreme and is actually denying little boys and girls their God-give differences.
I recently read about Egalia (link to article: http://www.windstream.net/news/read.php?id=18665101&ps=1018&cat=&cps=0&lang=en&src=email), a public-funded preschool in Sweden that touts itself on teaching gender neutrality to 1-6-year olds.
Instead of using the pronouns “him” and “her,” teachers use a made-up gender-neutral pronoun. They refrain from making references to “girls” or “boys” and instead denote the children as the genderless term “friends.”
In an effort to obliterate gender stereotypes, this preschool is doing exactly what the little girl’s parents did—squelch the God-given gender characteristics to children at an extremely vulnerable and impressionable stage in their lives.
“The kind of things that boys like to do—run around and turn sticks into swords—will soon be disapproved of,” child psychologist Jay Belsky said in the article. “Gender neutrality at its worst is emasculating maleness.”
Image by colcerex
Gender Equality without Gender Neutrality?
I sometimes wonder how gender differences will be perceived when my children are adults.
If worldviews like those taught at Egalia continue to wield their influence, my daughters may likely face persecution for using female and masculine terms, letting their girls dress up like princesses or letting their boys fight with water guns and stick swords.
Now, I’m not saying my girls will never be allowed to play in the mud or with cars.
I think it’s OK for children to branch out from our American culture’s picture of gender stereotypes: to teach girls auto mechanics or to teach boys how to cook.
This push for gender equality came on the foot heels of a time when men’s rights were elevated and women’s rights were almost nonexistent.
I’m proud to be a woman. I’m proud that I’ve given birth (link: http://www.thehumbledhomemaker.com/2011/01/happy-to-be-back-where-she-nearly.html) and breastfeed (link: http://www.thehumbledhomemaker.com/search/label/breastfeeding) my children. I’m proud to keep my home (as humbly (link: http://www.thehumbledhomemaker.com/p/above-all-else.html) as I do) AND exercise my right to vote and use my college education and God-given talents to help support my family by working from home.
I’m thankful that being female doesn’t make me a lesser person in the eyes of my family, my country or God.
It’s possible to have gender equality without gender neutrality.
I want to be called she. I want to be called a woman. I want to play tea party and princesses and baby dolls with my girls. I want to teach them how to be godly women.
A Biblical Response
To deny that God has created each gender with unique characteristics (beyond their physical bodies) is a slap in the face of His creativity and, quite frankly, unbiblical.
In Genesis 1:27, God created “male” and “female.”
If he wanted men and women to be the same, why didn’t he create a gender-neutral being?
Genesis 2 says that God created Eve to be Adam’s helper. Ephesians 5 speaks of husbands as leaders of their homes and wives as being submissive to their husbands. (This does NOT mean women cannot be leaders. Contrary to what some circles perceive, submissive does NOT mean subservient. But that’s a whole different post!)
It’s clear that God gave each gender specific characteristics and roles to fulfill.
And as a Christian, it’s my responsibility to teach my children what the Bible says about their gender roles.
I believe I can teach gender equality while encouraging my girls to embrace their femininity and biblical womanhood.
What do you think of Egalia’s methods of teaching gender? How do you teach gender roles to your children? Do you believe it’s possible to have gender equality without gender neutrality?
Erin Odom is a stay-at-home wife and mom of two girls and a freelance writer for the 7-paper Carolina Weekly newspaper group in Charlotte, North Carolina. She writes mostly human interest and faith stories, as well as a bi-monthly mom column for the Mooresville Weekly. She is also a contributing writer for Lake Norman Mommies. She loves Jesus, traveling, mission work, speaking Spanish and researching how to live a healthier lifestyle. She has just started blogging at www.thehumbledhomemaker.com.
Like what you’ve read? Subscribe so you never miss a post! You can also follow us on Facebook or Pinterest. Thanks for reading!
TESTING!
This is such a fitting post for this day and age. Gender neutrality actually undermines gender equality because it says, "You are not good enough as you are. You have to be like everybody else to be of worth." True gender equality would appreciate the differences and honor them as such. It would say that you are of great worth just as you are. In God, the weak are honored, the hurting are made whole, the poor are recognized as wealthy.
I agree with almost all of this post. Until the end. I guess my question, as a seminary-trained woman who is a pastor, is this: what if the Bible doesn't actually say what we think it says because the English translations are wrong?
Because in a lot of cases that have to do with women being 'submissive', etc. it is more a cultural thing of that day – but we don't listen to a lot of other things that Paul says…why do we focus on these things, giving ourselves these submissive identities? In my opinion, after much study, the Ephesians passage says that we are all supposed to submit to one another in 5:21 – but everyone always leaves that verse out. But that verse is the point of the whole thing. Submit to one another – that means everybody, not just people who are women.
But I agree that feminine and masculine are good. But I'm a woman who doesn't care about dresses or tea parties or flowers. This doesn't make me less female. I'm still feminine, I just don't really fit the cultural and church-wide definition of feminine. It drives me nuts.
Alaina,
We're having a great discussion about this on the FB page, about the strength surrounding women and how what people usually define as 'feminine' is not necessarily true, Biblically or otherwise (look at the Proverbs 31 woman). I'm definitely not 'feminine' by most standards — I don't really wear dresses or make up or even do my hair. I'd put on a t-shirt and jeans and maybe forget to brush my hair and not even care. I don't think that's what being feminine is really about, though! There's so much to say on this topic!
Excellent post! I love the 'gender equality without gender neutrality'. I have all boys and delight in their sweet little masculine antics, both culturally accepted and not. (My two oldest ones have enjoyed playing house and being 'daddies' to their stuffed animals, which I know isn't necessarily a stereotypical 'boy game.') It makes me so sad to see and hear of parents and schools forcing gender neutrality on children rather than letting them enjoy life as God created them.
I just want to dance a jig all over this post. Thank you for writing it with passion and intelligence. It needed to be said.
How sad for that little girl you mentioned at the beginning of the story! Not only is she being denied her God given femininity, but the message her parents are sending is that she'll never be good enough for them precisely because she's a girl! ugh!
God definately created them male and female, no amount of cultural denial will change that.
Thanks for the comments! I enjoyed writing this post. There is so much buzz around this topic today. Alaina, I didn't mean to imply that feminine only has to equal tea parties and princess dresses, but that's what my girls lean towards. I personally fall in the middle of what our culture deems "feminine." I do wear skirts and dresses occasionally–the kind I don't have to iron! haha
You're more likely to catch me in flip flops than high heels.
I think today's translations–such as the ESV and NASB–are a lot closer to the original language than some of the older English translations. My husband attended seminary and has taught me a little of what he learned. I think it is amazing that you did, Alaina! Some of my best friends have and are in the ministry (with and without husbands).