Biblical Sexuality: What Does the Bible Say About Sex?

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This month, we’re going to be talking about Biblical sexuality!  It’s kind of a tough topic, which not many people really want to discuss.  But, I think it’s an important topic (and one that some of the contributing writers will be jumping in on, too).  We need to know what the Bible really says about sex…and how that is supposed to relate to our own lives, and how we teach our children.

I remember, as a kid, being rather confused about the Bible and sex.  My family wasn’t extremely strong in the religious-ness area, and so the message I got about sex was roughly what the secular world was getting: “Not a good idea, but if you do, use a condom.”  I knew that wasn’t what the Bible said and I frankly wasn’t so comfortable with that message, even as a kid.  (My personality is such that I can’t even imagine the lure of casual sex.)

We had some neighbors, though, whom I knew were strong Christians.  They even held a neighbor Vacation Bible School for a week in the summer, and I was intrigued enough by the concept, and I loved children, so I volunteered there.  The family who ran it had just one child, whom I knew was adopted.  I was about 12 or 13 at the time.  I honestly wondered if they’d adopted because they “had” to, or because they were so Christian that they didn’t even have sex within marriage!

Of course, that’s not what God says about sex!  But to a confused young girl who had heard many different messages, I really didn’t know what to think.  All I knew is what what I was hearing was that sex was generally kind of a bad thing, a worldly thing, that seemed…anti-Christian.

Is Sex Anti-Christian?

No!  God was the one who originally created sex.  This is not the message that Christians are getting today, in many cases, and not what the world is hearing from or about Christians.  Most Christians at least appear pruddish.  And to some extent, by the world’s standards, they are.  After all, “waiting until marriage” is generally thought of as pruddish these days!  (Though I suspect more people kind of wish they could but feel unable to resist temptation.)

It’s sad that Christians feel the need to deny sex…to avoid the issue…and to allow people to come to feel guilty or bad about it!  It does seem like the ‘easier’ path, at times, because the world does send so many mixed messages about sex.  Discussing it openly in a Christian context without allowing the world into that discussion seems almost impossible.

But we need to change that.

God created sex.  Sex is from God, and it is absolutely Godly.  It is a good thing, and something which is to be understood and even celebrated — within the proper context.  God was clear that sex is for married people, not for unmarried people under any circumstances.  Within marriage, though, sex is a critical part — and not just for procreation!  (Although, of course, that too.)

This is how sex should be discussed — as something to be celebrated and revered and understood.

Why Do We Have to Talk About It?

A lot of Christians I’ve met are rather uncomfortable with the topic.  Sex is something that happens behind closed doors, in the dark of night.  This attitude is often passed on, whether consciously or unconsciously, to children — who become very confused about what the Bible really says about sex.

Confusion can lead to asking the wrong people for help — like other kids at school (or the internet).  It can lead to experimentation, guilt, and uncomfortable feelings about what is going on.  Some kids and teens end up getting involved with sexual things before they are ready, and are unsure what they are doing.  They might even face teen pregnancy or an STD!  Many can face emotional distress, especially if they feel peer pressure to get involved in sex.

In some cases this can even lead to trouble with sex within marriage, because young men and women haven’t learned to view sex in a positive light.  Suddenly it’s okay to have sex…but now what?  And who can help?

Mixed messages are never the answer!

Why is Sex Important?

Sex is a very special way that God created for men and women to be intimate with one another.  It is a way to conceive children, obviously.  But God also created us to desire sex.  If it weren’t fun…we probably wouldn’t even want to do it for the sake of procreation, right?

That desire isn’t wrong.  It isn’t bad.  It is good.  It is something we must learn to control and understand before marriage.  It’s something that we need to understand is normal and natural and channel that energy into something positive.  If we’re single — perhaps into (platonic) passion for our friends, or for some activity that we enjoy.  If we’re in a relationship — then into helping that relationship blossom on an emotional level, so that when and if we marry, we’re prepared to take the next steps physically.  Sex is as much emotional as physical, if not more (at least at times).

Connecting through sex is an important aspect to marriage, something we’ll discuss more indepth next week.

When it comes right down to it, though, sex — within the proper context of marriage — is a wonderful gift from God, as well as a responsibility in marriage.  A responsibility because it requires deep communication and understanding, as well as providing an outlet for physical and emotional release, and preventing outside temptation.  Paul discusses that thoroughly in 1 Corinthians, when he discusses that married people should abstain from time to time to devote themselves to prayer — but that they should always come back to sex, so that they do not give in to temptation.

How Does This Affect Families?

Why do we hide sex?  Why do we refuse to discuss it or acknowledge it with our children?  How do we discuss it with our children, and when? 

It is my belief — so far, anyway — that in being open about sex and teaching our children from a young age what the Bible teaches us about sex and why, that we will make sure the message our children get is the one we want them to hear, and not the one the world sends.

This, too, is an issue we’ll be discussing more this month.  One of the contributing writers, who has older children, will give her perspective on this issue.

For now I think it is important that we look for a shift in thinking, from sex being a demeaning, worldly thing to be hidden, to a Biblical act that is celebrated and shared!  If we don’t treat it as it should be, then we can’t hope to make any difference when it comes to sex.

What is your perspective on sex?  How has the Bible, or a church’s teachings, affected your view?