How to Do It All and Stay Sane

Image by blue2likeyou

…you can’t.

I could end the post right there, but I won’t.

I’m Late, I’m Late!

My kids have been watching Alice in Wonderland a lot this week while I’ve been working.  Well…for a couple weeks now.  With the launch of the new site redesign (which, since we switched platforms is, on the backend, basically like launching a brand-new site), and next week’s launch of Wholesome Comfort coming up, and various other projects in the works…well, it’s a lot.  You may have noticed broken images and other issues with this site, and have seen things changing a bit, day by day.  We’re working as fast as we can, but there are realistically only so many hours in the day.

I reached a point recently where I felt like my life was entirely saturated — I could spend all my time being a wife and mother, or all my time blogging.  It wasn’t even a balancing act anymore; I simply couldn’t do it all.  I’d be perpetually “late” for everything, if I did it at all.  I’d work late into the night and beg my children to please go play (although I also took breaks for story time and cooking together time and an outing or two).

But no.  It simply wasn’t going to work anymore.  Something had to give.

I Am a Rock, I Am an Island….

Those lyrics are in an old Simon and Garfunkel song that I love.  But…I’m neither.  I want to be an amazing wife and mother.  And I really want to grow this blog into a serious, full-time business.  I can’t do both by myself.  I am only one person.  And realistically, Ben and I can’t even do it together.  If we had full-time child care help, or no kids, we could.  But that’s not our situation (nor do I wish it were).  I’ve known this for awhile.  But it really came to a head when we made the switch to WordPress and this new design, and I suddenly had three times as much blog work as before, plus I was finally seeing some of the growth I’d dreamed of.  I knew I could get serious, and I truly felt “saturated” in my responsibilities.  I couldn’t kid myself anymore that it was any sort of balancing act and that I could somehow get it all done.

So in reality, I have some tips for you, that I am currently putting into action myself:

1. Get Help — You can’t do it all yourself, so find someone who can help you.  Maybe it’s a babysitter, an assistant, a friend, or your husband or mother.  Ask someone to step up and take some responsibilities off your plate.  I’ve hired both an assistant and a mother’s helper.
2. Take a Break — You’ll get burnt out if you try to do too much, and then you’ll be working all the time but not getting anything done.  Stop for awhile and do something else.  When you get back to work, you’ll feel refreshed and ready to tackle it.
3. Cut Yourself Some Slack — You’re not perfect.  You’re not going to get everything done.  I can’t tell you how many times I have a quick chore that just doesn’t get done because I don’t really want to and I have a lot of other stuff going on.  I berate myself “Come on, it would only take a minute, be responsible enough to just do it.”  But sometimes when you’re super busy little things do slip through the crack.  It’s okay.
4. Make a To-Do List — Write down all your “must do” items and make sure that those get done.  If you do nothing else all day, fine.  If you have extra time and get other stuff done too, great.  This ensures that at least the important stuff doesn’t slip through the cracks.
5. Re-consider Commitments — Is everything you have on your plate really something you have to do?  Or is there something you can let go?  Maybe it’s time to stop volunteering somewhere, or quit taking on extra projects.  Pare down your life so that there isn’t so much “stuff” going on.

Believe me — we’re all strong, and we’re all capable of an amazing amount.  But we can’t do everything.

Love the Family

It’s easy for me to forget that working on my family relationships (marriage, kids) and my friendships is just as important as anything else I’m doing — if not more so.  It’s so easy to think, “They are always here.  They will be here when I am done with this very important work task.  They will be here tomorrow.”

Maybe so, but life isn’t about “tomorrow” or “when the work is done.”  The work will never be done.  There is always something else you can do.  Eventually you just have to say, “Enough, I am putting this away.”  You have to make time specifically to be with the people that you love.  If you don’t do it when your kids are young, they will not trust you when they are older, and they will not heed your guidance (this is how it appears to me anyway — and I deeply want to have a close relationship that is built on mutual trust so that when my children are nearly grown, they will trust my guidance, even if they do not always heed my advice).

And marriage?  I’ve been married five and a half years and I don’t feel like I’m in a position to tell anyone anything.  We are happy and we are on the same page and we’re better off than many; we’re totally committed.  But do we have an extra happy, stress-free, amazing, gold-standard example marriage?  (Does anyone?)  No.  Sometimes we get so busy we barely see each other until bedtime.  Sometimes most or all of our conversations are about work or our children and not anything “fun” or personal.

Nurturing these relationships is just as important as working; it’s not something that happens if my work gets done.  I have to put work down and walk away from it and actually make time for these things.  That’s important for everyone!

Finding Balance

Finally, I’m working towards real balance.  I’ve hired a mother’s helper to watch my kids a couple mornings a week, so I can focus on work and not be torn in several directions (and not feel guilty that they aren’t getting the attention they need!).  I’ll still be at home, in case someone really needs me, but I won’t be “in charge” of them for a few hours.

I’ve also hired an assistant to help me with various things around the website.  Her name is Faith and you might see her around now and then.  She’ll be doing things like helping run giveaways, doing my advertising, updating old posts on the site, etc.  I absolutely don’t have the time to do all of those things and my daily blogging work and write books and be a wife and mother.  Hence, an assistant.

Your situation may be different.  But find what you need in order to get your life in balance.  It’s worth it, to be able to enjoy your work and your family, and never rarely feel overwhelmed by it all.

How do YOU do it all and stay sane?