Were you shocked to discover that breastfeeding isn’t always as easy as it looks? Or are you a mom-to-be that really hasn’t given it much thought? I had thought that because breastfeeding is “normal” that it just couldn’t be that difficult. I. Was. Wrong. This post is my attempt to share, not just my experiences, but what I’ve learned. My hope is that something I write will someday help another mama. Although I’ve learned many, many things, below are the most important ones.
If You Think Something is Wrong, Trust Yourself
With my first baby, I KNEW something was wrong. She appeared to be latched on well (as far as I could see), but I was horribly engorged and she was losing weight quickly. By the end of the first week I had called lactation consultants, nurses, the doctor’s office… they all said, “You’re just a new mom. Don’t worry so much. You’re over-reacting.” I didn’t know how to handle that. They were the “experts,” and I was “just” a mom. By the time my baby was ten days old, she was obviously far below her birth weight. I called the doctor’s office and insisted that somebody see me. They finally agreed and we went in.
The doctor weighed her, looked at her chart to see what her birth weight had been and gasped. I clearly had plenty of milk and our baby appeared to be nursing well. Neither of us could figure out what the problem was, but she agreed that whatever it was, it was life-threatening. She decided to try to bottle-feed her as a last-ditch effort before admitting my ten-day-old baby to the hospital for dehydration. When she offered the bottle, we both saw the problem instantly. My baby was flattening her tongue against the roof of her mouth. The only milk she was getting was what dribbled in! The doctor forced her tongue down with the bottle nipple and she downed almost the entire bottle (that is a TON for a newborn!). From that moment on, she latched on perfectly.
Never, never, never let a doctor, nurse or lactation consultant dismiss your concerns. NEVER. My baby could have died because I was considered an over-reacting first-time-mom. If you end up being wrong and everything is fine, who cares?! The real danger is in allowing people to dismiss your concerns when they are valid.
If You Need Help, Ask Many Different Sources
As with my first baby, my second baby wasn’t nursing correctly. I thought that breastfeeding the second baby would be a piece of cake! It wasn’t. Every baby is different and this particular baby couldn’t latch-on. I knew what she should be doing, but I just couldn’t get her to do it! She wouldn’t open her mouth wide enough and her latch was very shallow. I followed all of the “normal” advice and used all of the “tricks”, but nothing helped. Within a week I was bleeding on both sides and just the thought of nursing made me burst into tears. I have had two large babies with no drugs, so I consider myself to be pretty tough. This HURT!
When all of the advice I was getting clearly wasn’t helping, I finally asked my midwife what I should do. She gave me the number of a lactation consultant. I wasn’t very optimistic, but I texted her. I described exactly what was happening (shallow latch, mouth not opening wide, clicking sounds, dimpling cheek) and she said it sounded like either a tongue tie or an upper lip tie. Huh?! She sent me a link with photos, which made it very clear that our baby had an upper lip tie! We took her to the dentist that she recommended and he confirmed a very tight upper lip tie AND a moderate tongue tie! We had both clipped right away, and later that week we went to see a different lactation consultant who has quite a bit of experience in helping with breastfeeding after a lip or tongue tie is clipped.
It took four different people to get us to the point of being able to breastfeed. We are now working with an osteopath recommended by the same lactation consultant who recommended the dentist. After just one appointment, our baby is able to open her mouth wider and nurse longer! Babykins has some issues with muscle and joint tightness, like torticollis, that will take several visits to fix. I’ll be writing a post about our experiences with osteopathy in a few weeks. Without all of these people helping us, I would almost certainly be pumping and bottle-feeding right now. We also received tons of help from my parents and encouragement and prayers from many different people.
Preventing Problems
I hope that I haven’t scared any of you ladies out there who haven’t had a baby, yet! Please don’t think that it’s always as crazy as my experiences have been. Many, many women never have the slightest problem and I’m very glad of that. However, if I had known how difficult it COULD be, I would have been more prepared. If you are expecting your first baby, here are some ways that you can prepare.
- Ask your doctor, midwife, family and friends for some good lactation consultants in the area. Choose one or two that sound good and have their numbers handy for after the baby is born. You could even meet with a lactation consultant before the baby comes and ask her if she will make a “house-call” once your baby arrives!
- Learn what to expect before your baby is born, either from a lactation consultant or from a book or website. Know the signs of a “poor latch” and other problems (I will be posting about breastfeeding problems on my site next month).
- Have a breast pump available in case of an emergency (like I had with my first baby). Although there are pumps for hundreds of dollars, a $10 hand pump from a local store is perfectly fine. I know that many “experts” warn against using a bottle in the early days to prevent nipple confusion, but using a bottle is what helped us to figure out what was wrong with my first baby. With my second, I had to pump and bottle-feed for 24 hours to allow myself to heal.
- Buy some nursing “sleep” bras, if you can. They are stretchy, so they won’t constrict and are less likely to cause plugged ducts. You may be sore those first two weeks, so being as comfortable as possible is important.
- Remember that even if nothing is “wrong”, this is new for both you and your baby. Just because it’s natural, doesn’t mean it’s always easy. If you see breastfeeding as something you and baby are learning together, it will help to give you perspective when you need it.
- Above all, be ready and willing to seek help at the first sign of a problem. If you are in pain or the baby isn’t getting enough milk, be persistent about asking for help from every possible source until you find the answer. It may take time to find a good solution, so don’t delay!
Nourishing a baby from your own body is a beautiful thing and the close bond between a mama and her baby is so precious. It is so important for us ladies to encourage one another during those early days, but it is also important to have compassion for those women who have been unable to breastfeed. If we share our experiences and encourage each other, maybe more women will have the knowledge and support they need to succeed!
Was breastfeeding easy for you, or did you face challenges you weren’t expecting? What do you wish you had known before you started?
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TESTING!
I was blessed with two beautiful, and actually “easy”, experiences with nursing. My midwife was actually also a lactation consultant, so looking back some “potential” problems did not surface. Christopher could not find my nipple at first because I was so flat. Natalia was born so she could start nursing. It might even why she tried to be born early.
The only thing I’d add is look into breast shells [not the same as breast shields]. (This is passing on advice from my, and my sister’s, midwife). They helped Christopher be able to find my nipple, and they were quite the blessing.
I second the whole “if you think something is wrong…” advice. Some of the saddest stories I hear starts with “I knew something was wrong, but they would not believe me.”
Thanks so much, Debra! It sounds like your midwife was very helpful in preventing problems. How wonderful would it be if all OBs and midwives were lactation consultants, too?
I really appreciate your tip about the breast shells. That’s not something I experienced, so I’m glad you shared!
Justyn, when I read your story as I was preparing it to publish, I COULD NOT BELIEVE a doctor would dismiss your concerns like that…or that your baby wasn’t screaming 24/7 by that point.
With my first, she was doing okay with nursing until day 4. She saw the doctor that morning, who said she was back at her birth weight and doing great (but also mentioned what type of formula I should use “just in case”…we don’t see him anymore). The rest of that day she would not nurse. Would not even try. She would fuss, but not latch. I had no idea why — being a brand new mom I figured if she was hungry, she’d eat. By 4 PM she was fussy…by 7 or 8, inconsolable. I walked the floor with her and cried with her. I had no idea what to do. I finally called the doctor, saying it had been 12 hours since she’d eaten anything but she was refusing. They said give her something, anything! Pump…and if all else fails, offer formula. I didn’t have a pump (yet) so I gave her some formula from the samples from the hospital. She gulped down 3 – 4 ounces and promptly fell soundly asleep. I cried a lot more…how could I have not known my baby was hungry? How could I have starved her, even inadvertently, even for a day? I can’t imagine how you felt…or how your daughter didn’t completely freak out. Irresponsible doctors…grr.
Kate, Isn’t that the most horrible feeling? She was getting a little bit of milk when it “let down”, but after that, nothing. For the first couple of days she slept a lot, like newborns do, then she cried all the time for the next several days (so did I). The scariest part was when she started to really get skinny and she hardly cried at all because she was too weak. It was heartbreaking. Having all of the nurses and doctors tell me she was “fine” and not to give her a bottle because it would “confuse her” was completely insane. I’m just so thankful for the nurse who finally agreed to have me bring her in and the doctor who figured out what was wrong.
Difficult the first time, easy peasy the 2nd. Except the wet shirts I had when I went back to work, although I was pumping furiously.
Oh no! I bet that was a little awkward! Just yesterday I was starting to nurse the baby at a restaurant when I realized I didn’t have any nursing pads in. I grabbed an extra burp rag and shoved it in my shirt! It worked (thank goodness!), but my next stop was a store to buy some nursing pads!
Great post! I have had seven babies and loved nursing each one. However, my first experience was very difficult to begin with. I had so many voices telling me how to nurse that I didn’t really listen to my body or my baby. Don’t misunderstand, much of what I heard was very helpful, such as how to get the baby to latch on, how to treat cracked and bleeding nipples, etc. But what I didn’t understand, especially in the beginning was how to deal with the extreme engorgement and how to adjust to my baby’s varying needs as he went through growth spurts or as the nutrient level in my milk varied. It took me several babies to really understand how to handle these issues. Even though I had a great midwife and had talked to Le Leche League leaders as well as other experienced mothers, the answers they gave me just did not fit with my body. So, as I encourage new moms in their nursing, I tell them that it is great to read lots of books, to listen to other mothers, etc., but they also have to observe and listen to their own bodies and babies.
That is so true, Heather. Kate mentioned on Facebook that so many doctors and lactation consultants say that “if it hurts, you’re doing it wrong” but that just isn’t true! Right now, I’m not doing anything “wrong”, but the first several minutes of nursing are pretty uncomfortable and sometimes it does hurt a bit. Every mama and every baby is different, so all of our experiences are unique. We each have to figure out the best way for each nursing relationship.
Engorgement is so miserable, isn’t it?? With the problems both of my girls had, I was desperate to figure out how to ease the pain. That will be one of my posts in the next few weeks.
Lip tie seems to be a theme on the internet today. I’ve read several comments about it on FB & read several blog articles and it feels like it is the answer to my prayers.
I have 2 daughters age 7 & 2. I had severe latching problems with both girls. It took my eldest 3 days to latch on & even then it was only with a nipple shield. I fed her for 8 weeks but she was a slow weight gainer & fed a lot. At 8 wks, the dr gave me a severe talking to & told me I was starving my baby by insisting on breastfeeding her. She was gaining weight but not enough so I had to formula feed. I was young & she was my first so I didn’t know what else to do. I switched to formula & cried for weeks.
When I got pregnant again, I was determined to breastfeed. I learned everything I could about latching & improving supply and went into labour feeling prepared. Dd2 couldn’t latch either. No-one could tell me what was wrong. She was checked for tongue tie but there was none. I persevered & used a supplementary feeding system, pumped & fed as often as I could. At 3 weeks old, something clicked with her & dd latched. We still had problems but she was getting milk so we just fed. She took a long time to feed & she fed often. She sometimes slipped off & I had to watch her feeding to make sure she was swallowing. As she got older, thing improved but I never felt like she was getting enough. She self weaned at 19mths.
We are now thinking of having another baby. The breastfeeding issues we had with our daughters have been playing on my mind & I have been trying to find out if there was/is a problem with me & my ability to produce milk. While researching today, I decided to have a break & look on FB & the first post I see is about upper lip tie. I read it interested as some friend’s have had babies with tongue tie recently & then moved on. Then I saw a blog post about it with a picture. Dd2 toddled over & I took a look & low & behold she seems to have quite bad upper lip tie. I called dd1 over & again what seems to be quite bad upper lip tie.
Apparently professionals are quite reluctant to snip upper lip tie & many believe it doesn’t affect breastfeeding but a quick look on LaLeche League forums tells you there are plenty of moms who have had similar problems with latch & later realized their babies had upper lip tie. Thank you for posting your story as it has stressed to me that it could have been the problem all along. Can I ask was it a dentist or a paed that clipped the tie for you? Did you have problems finding someone to do it? This time I will go into to labour with yet more knowledge & hopefully if we have latch problems, it can rectified quickly. Thank you so much.
I’m so sorry that you didn’t get the support you needed with your first, Nicola. It sounds like a lip tie could certainly have been the problem. I’m so glad, though, that you have discovered this before your next baby! You have plenty of time to find out who can help you, if it’s an issue.
We had a dentist in Ohio clip the lip and tongue tie. He is pretty close to where we live, but there was a woman from England who was coming in to have her baby’s tongue tie clipped. Apparently it is very difficult to get ties clipped in England. This dentist here has been doing this for almost 30 years and he really was wonderful. It is so sad that this lady had to fly her baby all the way across an ocean for a quick and easy procedure, though.
Best wishes on having another baby!
I can’t alter my guest posts, but I wanted to let you all know that I’ve added it to the link-up at http://www.littlenaturalcottage.com
I LOVE that you emphasized continuing to push on the doctors. So often they focus on the wrong thing and brush us aside. I am ALWAYS telling my doula clients to gently, respectfully puchback on the doctors – they don’t know it all.
Love your posts, real help for real moms!
How did you retrain him to suck properly after the upper lip tie? We had his fixed 4 weeks ago and he still only chews/compresses instead of sucks and still doesn’t flange his upper lip up.
When she was latching on, I would gently flip her upper lip out a little with my finger, which helped some. I have to tell you that it took several months before she was nursing really well, which affected my milk supply. Now, at almost a year, she is a pro! She only had the lip-tie for less than two weeks, but it took months of slow progress for her to unlearn her “bad” nursing style. Even now, she doesn’t really flange her upper lip well, but it’s enough to do a good job of nursing. I’d suggest trying a bottle and gently pulling while he’s trying to drink from it. My lactation consultant said that doing a gentle “tug-of-war” with a pacifier or bottle several times a day can really help them learn to suck instead of chew. I’d be glad to answer any questions you might think of! Just e-mail me at creativechristianmama@gmail.com for the fastest reply!