Gareth via Compfight
This post has been in my head for some time now, but I haven’t quite been ready to write it. After this weekend’s events, though, I’d say it’s time.
Event #1: Stacy of Stacy Makes Cents posts to her Facebook page, “I support Chick-Fil-A.” Nothing more and nothing less. And she’s roundly SLAMMED by people who yell at her, swear at her, tell her she has no right to post her political opinions, and so on. These people who are ironically calling for ‘tolerance’ and ‘respect’ for all, have shown no respect or tolerance for Stacy, with whom they have a difference of opinion.
Event #2: I alert my fans to this incredible injustice and encourage them to go over and show her some love. Agree or disagree, but do it respectfully, is my point. And by some, I’m slammed, and told I shouldn’t post my political opinions and I’m clearly biased.
Well, I have news for you: Everyone’s biased. Get used to it.
Bloggers are People, Too
This blog, and all things related to it (my Facebook page, my Twitter account, my Pinterest, etc.) are my work. They are my job. I approach them professionally, but I don’t stop being an individual person with my own thoughts, feelings, and opinions when I come here. In fact, part of the point of a blog is to, you know, share my life (which includes events, thoughts, feelings, and opinions) with my readers. Not everyone will agree with me on every point and some will disagree with me on most points — and maybe this isn’t the right place for them. That’s cool, no hard feelings. You won’t like everyone you meet.
But you know what? Work or not, this is space is still mine. It’s mine to share who I am and what I do. Sometimes I’m going to say things that you may not agree with. This is true of all bloggers. They all are people, with real thoughts, feelings, and opinions. They have the perfect right to share them with you, whether or not the topic on their mind is the “usual” subject of the blog. And when they share something you don’t like, you have the right to:
- Ignore or hide the post
- Unsubscribe from their feed or Facebook page
- Share a different opinion in a respectful manner (i.e. “I disagree with you because…”)
These are all cool. Maybe you just can’t stand to read a particular post — so don’t. Maybe the blog wasn’t what you thought — unsubscribe. Or maybe this issue just kind of bugs you and you need to share in the discussion and bring light to an alternative perspective. I love when my readers share other ideas and perspectives with me! It helps me to have understanding of others and more compassion for them too. I really enjoy respectful debate.
However, if you see something you don’t like, you do not have the right to:
- Yell at, swear at, or insult the blogger
- Threaten repeatedly to unsubscribe, but hang around and passively-aggressively continue to insult them
- Tell them they don’t have a right to their opinion or that they shouldn’t talk about “that subject”
- Accuse them of being mean or biased (unless, for some reason, they actually were mean — in which case it’s cool to say “I felt like what you said there was a little too harsh,” but NOT cool to say “You’re just a nasty rude b****!”)
On that last point, there have been a couple of times I got a little too passionate and said something in a less-respectful manner than I should have, and a reader called me on it gently. And I apologized to them and corrected what I said. There’s no problem with saying, “I felt that was disrespectful,” or “I feel offended by that.” Most bloggers never want to come off that way and appreciate the respectful feedback! But that’s totally different than getting angry and engaging in name-calling.
Bottom line? Bloggers are people. They have opinions, you won’t always agree. But they have the right to share them, especially in their own space.
I Define My Space
Being a blogger is awesome because I’m the boss! I get to make all the decisions about content, advertisers, layout, and so on and so forth. Sometimes it’s a burden to have to wear so many hats. Mostly it’s fun.
But part of that is that I define what goes in my space. Whatever’s happening in my life or what is on my mind is usually what goes in my space. I have a habit of posting on Facebook when an issue gets me riled up. I like to talk about whatever it is with my readers.
I reserve the right to say what I want (respectfully) and to change the definition of my space as my life changes. I’m committed always to bringing you a natural, alternative lifestyle with a respectful tone. But exactly what I say or what subjects I discuss may change over time. If the blog changes to something that doesn’t suit you — there’s an unsubscribe button. That’s fine.
Readers, however, do not define a blogger’s space. Readers come to the blog accepting it for it is, and accepting the blogger for who s/he is. If the readers don’t like what they find, they are welcome to go elsewhere. They are not welcome to try to force the blogger to change.
We’re All Biased
The comment about being biased kind of got to me. It’s like the person thought that somehow I’m incredibly, irrationally biased, but s/he was not. That’s…junk.
All people are biased.
We all have grown up and had specific experiences and have come to have our own worldviews. Everything that happens to us is filtered through that worldview. Many (most) people are unable to separate their feelings, which are based on their worldview, from “reality.” This is especially true if a belief is deeply-held or if a conviction has come about through a powerful experience.
There is nothing wrong with this. This is simply how everyone sees the world. Understanding that everyone is biased actually can lead to increased compassion. When a reader shares a powerful life experience with us, and then goes on to insist upon a viewpoint I disagree with, I will continue to disagree…but I will have strong compassion for the reader, and understand why s/he feels the way s/he does.
Insisting that somehow, you are not biased and just some other people are is silly. We are all biased. It’s just the way life is! So if the blog you are reading just doesn’t suit your worldview, no one’s forcing you to read it!
I Love My Readers
The vast, vast majority of the time, I love my readers. I love talking to them about many different subjects. I love learning new things from them. I love the generally respectful and awesome nature of my community. I love how helpful and knowledgeable my readers are. I just really enjoy the positive, happy nature.
Even though I felt called to write this post because of a few incidents, never think that isn’t true. My blog lives and dies with the community I’ve built. I need every one of you who feels called to keep reading in order to keep my blog going!
And I fully respect that many of you have at least one major area in which you disagree with me. I love that I have a diverse community! We come together to celebrate the areas in which we do agree, in which we can help each other, and we learn to overlook the ones where we don’t. We don’t need to agree on everything and we can quietly agree to disagree on certain subjects. I love the amazing maturity present in many of my followers!
So, just remember. Bloggers are people too. Follow us, learn from us, enjoy the areas in which we are the same. Respectfully disagree or just ignore the issues where we don’t agree. There will be times! And that’s okay.
How do you feel about the bloggers you follow? Is it hard to remember they’re “just people?”
**Note: This is NOT a debate about the Chick-Fil-A situation. We’ve discussed it, and it’s over. Stand where you will, respect those who feel differently. This post, however, is about remembering bloggers are people and that it’s important to show them — and other readers — respect. Please keep your comments to that subject. Comments that are just about Chick-Fil-A will be deleted.**
Like what you’ve read? Subscribe so you never miss a post! You can also follow us on Facebook or Pinterest. Thanks for reading!
TESTING!
I’m new to the blogging world, and wanted to stop by and say this is a great post. Sometimes I’m hesitant to give my real feelings about a certain topic because I’m scared to be judged. In real life, I wouldn’t necessarily hide it from friends or family, but something about letting the whole world see is scary!
This made me feel a lot better about being open to expressing my real thoughts and to allow others to form their opinions around them.
Thank you!
I happened to stumble across your blog this morning, while doing some research. You are such a blessings and I absolutely loved this post! Thank you for having the audacity to be honest and respectful…as people we can sometimes fall into the conflicting trap of what is right and wrong. Personal beliefs, thoughts, ideas…all stymie from the lessons we have learned or the roads we have traveled. Keep up the good work
Yes and Amen!
ITA with everything you posted above. :p
Great post. I don’t always agree with you, and that’s cool, because most of the time I do. My husband frequently tells people “if you and I agree on everything all the time, one of us isn’t necessary.” If people want to have a respectful discussion, cool. But no one has the right to be rude, nasty, name call, or constantly try to start arguments. I find that the “block” button on Facebook comes in very handy for repeat offenders.
While I agree that nastiness is wrong, there are two things I’d offer for your consideration…
1. When a blogger posts a lot, and allows a peek into her real, 3D life, a (false) sense of intimacy is often created. And a statement like “I support chickfila” is not neutral. You know that. So for someone who feels a strong sense of (false) intimacy – perhaps even friendship (also false) – that kind of statement can feel like an extreme betrayal. I do not condone name-calling or lack of courtesy, but some who feel betrayed by someone they believe they know (even though they don’t) over-react.
Secondly, the internet has bread a culture in which basic courtesy has all but disappeared. You are really just words on a screen to me. Binary code translated into something I can read. This leads some to essentially dehumanize the person/people on the other end of the screen-to-screen communication. And I would suggest that your friend’s communication about a restaurant owner’s unfortunate communication is a s dehumanizing as the communications of the name callers.
You are entitled to your opinions, of course. But the reception your opinions receive when pronounced in your church may well differ from the reception they receive when pronounced over the loud speaker at a major sporting event. The internet is more like the latter.
Just something to consider.
I’m…really not quite sure what to say about this.
1. It is truly a false sense of intimacy. Yes, a lot of readers feel they “know” the bloggers they read frequently. But they are only seeing a small snapshot of that blogger’s life, whatever s/he chooses to share. It is a hazard of blogging since of course bloggers can’t know all their readers as well as the readers know the blogger, by virtue of the way blogging occurs. But it still comes down to basic courtesy. Stating your belief isn’t a betrayal, even if the blogger says something that shocks you or that you disagree with. You’re welcome to say, “Wow, I’m really surprised that you would say that, I disagree,” but you’re still not welcome to spew insults.
2. Why would we just accept this as true and allow people to be dehumanized that way? Why would we just pretend that it IS just words on a screen, and not a real person who’s done real work to write them? I think we need to be part of the solution to re-humanize the internet! Because even though what you read is words on a screen, the person behind them is so much more. I cannot imagine why anyone would be okay with dehumanizing others, regardless of current internet culture.
As for your announcement analogy, there’s usually nothing controversial about random announcements at a sporting event, nor is there any personal connection between the words being spoken and the person doing the speaking. There’s some bit of information that needs to be communicated to the crowd at large, and someone has to do it — it doesn’t really matter who. Bloggers are not communicating random bits of info that do not matter. They pour their hearts and souls into their work, they share what they are passionate about. The speaker means as much as the information communicated. We would all do well to remember the blogger behind the words, especially when we disagree.
You may not be getting that I completely agree that nastiness is inappropriate. It just is.
My two points were meant to speak to the current reality. I, too, would like it to change, however, I heard a lot of, “I don’t understand why people are behaving in this way,” in your post. I was offering information about the current state of the internet. I was not necessarily agreeing with it.
I think it best for us to agree to disagree about the inherent hostility of your friend’s proclamation that spurred this post.
I think you misunderstood my analogy. Let me try again.
If you invite the whole wide world into your house without condition (which is what a blog is), you should expect a wider range of responses to controversial proclamations than if you had allowed a select group of people into your home, all of whom you know in advance share your core beliefs and values.
If you want to avoid criticism, don’t blog. It’s pretty simple.
I would like it to be different. I really would. Unfortunately, until humanity’s relationship with global instantaneous communication matures, I’m not holding my breath.
One last thing … I truly don’t know what your intent was in the first sentence you wrote in your response. But let me tell you how it read to me. “Oh boy. I need to gird my loins for a fight with this person.” Unfortunately, I wasn’t (and will not) fight with you. I was trying to be helpful.
Though I disagree with a lot of your personal stuff, I think the substantive things you write are helpful and well done. That’s why I read your blog. But rather than presume I wanted to help, your tone reads as defensive to me. So I will now go back to lurking. I will read what is useful, and discard what is not. As I have always done.
Good day.
I’m not intending to be hostile at all. Just…confused. Maybe it’s the inherent difficulty of reading someone’s intentions over the internet, but it was hard to understand what you meant and I really was just not sure what to think or what to say. I thought about it for awhile before responding. Trying to reflect my need to think in my response.
I do get so attached to the bloggers that I follow. I am sad when they don’t publish and so excited when I see a new posting. I know it’s silly, but I do feel like they are “friends.” Ridiculous, but true. I love to hear their heart and struggles and whatever else they use to make their point or share their specialty. It has broken my heart at the attacks that have occured just because someone believes differently or has an opinion that might be different than someone else’s. I have been slammed personally for some of my viewpoints and, like you stated, usually by those that preach tolerance. I find it bizarre to think some people forget that bloggers are people, and maybe they do. But I have found the attacks happen in person too, so perhaps they know they are people and that is what spurs the attacks. At any rate, being true to your beliefs is critical to staying true to yourself. Be sincere!
Thanks for this, Kate!
I really appreciate this blog post. : ) Everyone is indeed biased. We were taught that in Journalism 101. Absolutely everyone has a bias of some sort.
keep up the great work – I greatly enjoy your blog and look forward to the daily emails with ridiculous excitement.
Everyone should read this post. We are all entitled to our opinion but respectfully. I find it sad that so many people respond to things on the computer in horrible manner. Thanks for posting this. I really enjoy your blog and have learned a lot from you. Thank you.
Thank you for having a spine, and a respectful one at that.
Completely agree with this post. I have found people seem to be ruder on the internet than they are in person.
I find this can happen to anyone who posts anything ‘controversial’ on FB, and I believe it is one of the hazards, blogger or not. Friends and friends of friends sometimes disagree in very disagreeable ways. I believe most of the people who do this would do the same face to face. This is a problem with their behavior, not with blog posts or FB posts. Thanks for your thoughts and ways with words. Great post.
Really great post, thank you for taking the time to talk about this. When did we become such a reactionary society that doesn’t think things through? Many of us don’t know how to calmly debate a subject or agree to disagree. We quickly react with anger, hate and judgement. When you ask someone why they are so angry they have a hard time expressing it or explaining why. Sometimes I don’t even think they know why. Communications skills are severely lacking in this country and I wish it was addressed more. Is it because we are less educated than prior generations? Less interested in current events and more time focused on pop culture? Learned behavior from parents? Probably a little bit of it all and more and it seems to be getting worse. Maybe it’s not that it’s getting worse but is more noticeable with the the plethora of outlets you have to voice opinions and make comments. And, maybe I’m reaching here, but the lack of common courtesy has dwindled near extinction. Is there a relation? How do we save our society from becoming the uneducated and ignorant masses we are on track to be?
Ok, rant done
This is a passionate topic for me and I’m very happy you addressed it. Thank you for all you do!
Great post. Like you, I am totally over hearing about the Chickfila stuff. In my opinion people take things way too personally and then feel like they have to defend themselves or their beliefs because you have two sides trying to convince the other they are “wrong or intolerant or judgmental”. Just like people are more likely to give you the bird or scream at you through their car windshield because you drive too slow, people are more likely to behave in ways they would otherwise never do when face to face with someone. Lack of responsibility. Intolerance on both sides. Pride. Not wanting to be wrong or give in. I am not immune, none of us are. We live in a fallen world.
I am not a blogger but I do enjoy following a few. Ones that hit on topics I don’t agree with, I don’t subscribe to. The ones that I mostly agree with, I follow and look forward to reading new posts. I am very interested in more natural alternatives in my household, am a practicing Catholic, and I enjoy crafts so the blogs I follow tend to write on those things.
With the joys of the Internet any blogger will inevitably be “trolled” if they develop any kind of following. Trolls (for whatever reason) enjoy inciting chaos for the sake of it. When they manage to get under the skin of the blogger and they get the blogger to bring attention to their bad behavior, it seems like they have achieved their goal. A blogger would have a few options at this point: pray for the troll, privately ask them to speak more respectfully, or block them. I read one blog where the author actually shut off all comments on her blog posts for six months. But when the disrespect of individual comment then becomes the topic, it feeds the trolls…
I guess my main point would be that most of blogging looks like it is happy, productive, satisfying work. But like any job, it must have a few facets that are not fun. There are people who won’t hesitate to be rude or disrespectful, and it is a more prominent problem today than ever before. In person, people have lost a lot of their decency too, just listen to the interactions of people in your local retail store as you shop for school supplies right now! The majority of the commenters on Stacy’s post wrote respectfully. Focus on those, address the few rude folks individually, and continue to set the good tone and example that you always do
Thanks as always for a well written blog.
Awesome post–newer blogger here, just having my first experiences with people subscribing/leaving my blog….very supportive to read this!
Must say I’ve struggled to describe “me” sometimes….”living the non-mainstream life” is just a great way to put it.
New subscriber, so excited to find a place to “fit”!
I think the problem with the current society is we feel the need to be “Politically Correct” and in doing so we must ignore our own beliefs. What a Vanilla society of non thinkers we’re becoming. Why do we support Gay rights rather than equal HUMAN rights. Do gays deserve more than families? Unfortunately as the children consume more and more of the toxins (BPA and other neuro toxins) becoming asexual and are brainwashed by the polical agenda groups we’ll continue to see more and more of this.Gone is our First Amendment, Gone is the Forth Amendment, Slipping away soon is your Second Amendment. These were all graciously given to us to protect us from a tyranical government and to produce vibrant free thinkers not people fearful of expression.
Love this response!
Here’s something: I read your blog often even though I disagree with almost everything (I’m an atheist, I think vaccinations do more good than harm, and I think giving unpasteurized milk to children is just asking for trouble, etc.) that I know you’re passionate about! However, I like hearing about your efforts to eat more healthily, and I think it’s important for everyone to learn more about the lifestyles/beliefs/day-to-day challenges of people who are different from them. I think that’s the only way we learn to be compassionate.
I happen to disagree with Chick-Fil-A’s stance on gay marriage, as well – but I think they should be allowed to do business in the way they see fit. If they can continue to be successful by positioning themselves as a conservative Christian company, that’s fine with me. I won’t be eating there, but I don’t believe they should be barred from doing business. But I do think it’s a good example of what you said: No one is unbiased.
Everyone sees the world through the filters imposed by their background, upbringing, belief system, etc. So no matter where you’re getting information from – whether it’s blogs, tv news programs, corporate media releases, or wherever – it’s important to understand that source’s bias(es), because that’s the only way you can hope to parse the information correctly.
I think you do a good job of stating your biases up-front, and I think you really do try to find objective stats to back up your opinions. Again, I tend to disagree (I don’t think you should have Dr Mercola as a ‘resource’, for example, because he sells tanning beds [ http://tanningbeds.mercola.com/ ] on his website and we all know that tanning beds are a contributing factor to skin cancer), but who cares? The whole point of blogs is that they’re a reflection of the personal opinions of the person writing them! If I wanted totally ‘objective’ information, I’d stick to peer-reviewed scientific journals!
Anyway, I see that I haven’t made a point clearly here, but I think I’ll return to what I said earlier: The only way we learn to be truly compassionate is to really understand other people’s positions/beliefs. I don’t think blogs should be totally objective, because if they were, we wouldn’t learn about what other people really think.
I think that what you said here is right on. Blogs by nature are often somewhat personal. Though it can be avoided, that personal nature is a large part of what people are drawn to. We can all learn to govern our words and attitudes and speak respectfully, even (or especially) when disagreeing.
I am always shocked to see rude comments on any blog I read, whether it is a regular or one I found via Pinterest and checking out a particular post. I fully agree that everyone has a right to their own opinions, they do not however have a right to be disrespectful to someone else. It saddens me to see how mean people can be, clearly they aren’t taking into consideration that indeed a real human being is writing these and reading these comments. If I came across something that I find extremely offensive from a blogger, I would simply unlike, unsubscribe, and/or stop visiting the blog…no rude comments necessary. I think this post may help to give perspective for some who need a reminder about what to expect when reading a personal blog (ie. personal opinions, belifefs, values will likely be portrayed). Thanks for sharing
Great post. I see a general lose of common courtesy in the world today, and it seems to be worse when things are done via text or online. The technology loses something in translation. Especially tone of voice and facial expressions. It’s important that we all step back and remember that on the other end of the message is a real person, with their own thoughts and feelings. My basic rule of thumb is this – if I wouldn’t say it to your face, then I won’t say it online.
Totally agree here with your post today! There is a anonymity in cyber world that seems to promote that kind of de-humanization and rudeness. It’s hard to imagine that most of those same people who brazenly post inflammatory language and insults so easily would conduct themselves that way in person. Thank you for reminding readers that behind every keyboard is a human being and that the same decency and restraint that helps “real life” interactions to happen successfully applies to the cyber world as well.
Great post! You are totally right! It IS your space. You do have a right to your own opinion. And THIS is your platform to post it. I personally appreciate that you do so in a respectful manner, but that’s why I subscribe to you – I enjoy reading what you have to say. If I didn’t, I would unsubscribe! (Also my prerogative. No one is forcing me to read what you write!)
I have the same problem whenever I post anything controversial, either on my blog or my personal FaceBook page. Even people I’ve been friends with for decades belittle and trash me for respectfully uttering an opinion that is different than their own. As a previous commenter pointed out, it has way more to do with them than you.
Keep on with the great posts!
Bravo. I was just thinking about how courageous you are the other day by putting yourself out there like this. Keep on keeping on!!
I’m afraid I agree with Christy on this subject. “If you want to avoid criticism, don’t blog. It’s pretty simple”
I read your blog when I can, and quite enjoy posts on recipes, healthy living, and info on vaccinaitons. But it does seem that just about every week I find a posting about how someone is being mean-spirited and how hurtful it is to you. Frankly, that comes with the territory. If you find it too hurtful, find another line of work. You’ll be happier for it.
I have a full time job outside the home. I have customers calling me every day. Some call to complain. But I don’t go around telling all my other callers how bad a day I am having because someone was mean to me. That would not be very professional.
Just as I read what I find helpful from your posts, I also am quick to discard what is not. Personally, I don’t enjoy reading posts about the part of your “job” that stinks.
I’m not trying to be mean-spirtied, I’m trying to give you constructive criticism, because if your desire is to increase (or maintain) readership, complaining ABOUT your audience TO your audience is not the way to do it.