June 10th through 17th, there’s an awesome sale happening. It’s called The Natural Mothering ebook Bundle.
35+ books and FREE bonuses — a $525 value, for only $29.97!
See full sale details, and some of the books written by experts.
Only for imperfect mothers! Get help with infant care, teaching kids to clean, quick dinners, and more!
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Each month, we have one book that is featured. This means it only costs you $5! Take advantage of this great deal to add to your collection and try some delicious new recipes!
This month’s book is Simply Summer. This summer, enjoy delicious, fresh recipes, like our favorite Mexican Pork Roast, Bacon-Wrapped Chicken with Italian Salsa (yum!), and Peach Upside Down Cake. Treat your family and friends!
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Daily Tip: If something isn’t working, ask yourself why? Figuring out the reason it doesn’t work will give you a better sense of where to go next.
By Jennifer Hunt, Contributing Writer
I didn’t have a strong maternal influence during my formative years. My mother couldn’t be as present as she would have preferred; she worked the graveyard shift and suffered from debilitating health problems.
Because of these circumstances, I didn’t learn much by way of traditional mothering. I didn’t cook anything from scratch until well after I was married. I never deep cleaned a thing. I never learned to play with younger children. My friend taught me how to put on makeup the week before my wedding. I couldn’t even put my hair in a straight ponytail.
As I raise my own children, there is often an overwhelming feeling of incompetence. In difficult moments, I don’t have an answer to “What would my Mom do?” Instead, the dark part inside of me whispers untruths like:
I usually don’t believe these insinuations. They are irrational and the work of the devil. But…sometimes I do believe them.
Once these thoughts take root, it is hard to combat them, especially when my daughter is slapping me in the face screaming, “No bath! I no like bath!”
In these moments, I think to myself: Just ten minutes. Hold off from self-loathing for just ten minutes.
Or five. Or one. Whatever I need to postpone the feelings of worthlessness rising into my throat and begging to be released.
When the ten minutes are over, I start again.
In the morning, instead of falling apart when my children don’t want to take their medicine: Just until they drink their meds. Believe I am a good mother until they drink their meds. Then I can reassess.
During cranky time (4:00): Just until I’m done making dinner. I can believe I’m a good mother until I’m done making dinner.
At bedtime: I can be a good mother until they fall asleep. That is all that is required.
This doesn’t always work, but it helps me keep perspective during my worst moments. Taking a deep breath and postponing the dreadful confirmation that I am indeed a bad mother helps me see that I’m not actually a bad mother.
Being a good mother doesn’t hinge on whether or not my children take their medicine. When I am rational, I know this. I even scoff at measuring my ability by some finite, inconsequential-in-the-grand-scheme-of-things measure.
When i start to succumb to the dark feelings, that’s when I need baby steps. Simply holding out a few more minutes before belittling myself gives me the strength to hold out a few more minutes…and a few more…and a few more until the desire to judge my mothering abilities on a single (challenging) incident passes.
I’d like to think after 4 1/2 years, I’m getting better at this Mom thing. I don’t know if I am, but I’m judging myself less harshly and enjoying the moments ten minutes at a time.
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TESTING!
Sarah Jane: Nice tips. My house is far from immaculate; of course it doesn't help...
Dorothy: I quick freeze my strawberry on a cookie sheet in the deep freeze then...
Lauretta Aragon: Those who judge will be judged so in that case we better be using the ...
Regina: EXCELLENT post....
Martha Sawyers: It's that you go through my thoughts! You seem to learn much concernin...
Thank you for this wonderful piece. Definitely needed for me right now.
Thank you Jendeis. There are some days I feel like I need to re-read this all day. It happens to the best of us, doesn’t it?
Sadly, we are victims of our past. I did not have a positive role model for a Mother. My Mother did not have a positive role model for a Mother. The Word speaks of “generational curses”, and I believe this is one – where the sins of the fathers (or, Mothers, in this case) “visit”, cause harm to, influence…the lives of the children. I want to be clear here: this verse is NOT talking about children being PUNISHED for the sins (or, “shortcomings”, if it seems more apropos) of the parents, as has been erroneously taught by some; it means that the children suffer the consequences of bad choices by parents. The Word is very clear that we are all held responsible for our own choices, good or bad. No one else is disciplined, which means “to teach”, or punished when we deserve discipline or punishment, but us.
As parents, we all do the best we can, and sometimes, it is lacking. The best thing to do in that situation is to simply be honest about it with our children, ask forgiveness, and move forward, vowing and keeping the vow not to repeat THAT mistake. Rest assured – there will be plenty of other “mistakes” to choose from in the hard job we call “parenting”. It’s also important that our children SEE in action a willingness to admit wrongdoing and repent (turn away from and do the “opposite”) of it; we lead by example.
I like what Sandra Bullock’s character had to say in the movie, “Hope Floats”. Her little girl asks her what it means to be an adult. “Mom” answers, “well, adulthood is where you spend the rest of your life trying to overcome your childhood”. There is truth in that, sad to say.
One very positive thing every young mother can and should do, in my opinion, is seek out a wise Woman of G-d as a mentor; someone who walks with the Lord, someone who is a trusted source of His wisdom. James 1:5 Hopefully, you are in a Bible-believing, Christ-centered church, and there are such older women among you. The Bible also tells us that older women are to be teachers of the younger women.
No, I did not have the advantage of a wise Mom, nor did she. I am blessed in that Mom and I are both now Women of G-d, and we can freely discuss this matter, and even pray about it together. It is a beautiful thing, indeed!
Don’t let the devil steal what belongs to you. There is victory in all aspects of life when we surrender it to our Lord and Savior, Y’eshua/Jesus Christ, and follow His precepts.
Here’s to your “overcoming” the past and moving into the future in the knowledge and power and authority of who YOU are in Him!
Elizabeth, thank you for your Biblical discussion of this concept. I have often discussed with my husband the same concept of the sins of the father, which has led me to be much more forgiving and loving to my own mother as I recognize where she came from (and her before and so forth).
If there was ever evidence of how much I need the Lord and Savior, parenting points out the endless opportunities to run to Him.
Thank you for sharing your heart. After a particularly rough day I really needed to read these encouraging words.
You are welcome, Alice. Hugs out to you, hoping today is a little easier.