I’ve always learned from mentors and friends to pray for the things we wanted and desired for in a husband. And the more specific the better!
Then we meet and fall in love – some of that list matches up, at least all the big, important ones – those little ones go by the wayside. And probably for good reason, because really, physical traits are, after all, only physical.
So we count the cost and weigh the love. Then dive in! With no return and love goggles on.
Then we get married and begin a new life. Being told to not try to change our husbands, we once again start a list . . .
Specific prayers of things we want God to change in our spouse. They aren’t all, “Please help my husband learn to put his stuff away cause he’s driving me nuts.” Most are good things for him. Things for the family. Things that will help him better function better in this world.
But guess what? God knows our heart. He knows more than us what our husband needs. And more than that, the kind of husband we need. The kind of father our children need.
Those prayer lists aren’t full of hope, they are full of fault! Laid out in black and white, all his shortcomings. All the things you don’t like about him. The man he isn’t, not the man he is.
I know this first hand. Shortly after our first child was born and we were going through a pretty bad time with our marriage and being new parents. This is when he found such a list. And that is just what he saw. A list of of all the things he was not.
It’s almost six years later and I am revisiting this memory again. I stopped making lists. But it did not stop me from praying for those things I wanted to change. Now that fault list was in my head, not just on paper.
All the glaring negatives became my prayers, the thoughts in the forefront of my mind did not help with having a positive attitude towards life. So a few months ago, when once again life was getting hard I made a decision.
Instead of praying for the change God already knew needed to happen, I began giving thanks for what I did have. For the committed provider he IS. For the love he has for our children. That he chose me to be stuck with in a blizzard.
Just as putting forth a thankful thought each day changed my outlook last year and is well on it’s way this year, it has allowed me to dwell on all the things in my marriage and husband that are amazing. That I have.
What have your prayers and thoughts been consumed with?
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