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A Lesson in Love

May 19, 2012 by   Cassie Laing

Image by lindsayshaver

In two days, I will be the mother of a four-year-old. The eve of each birthday has been more emotional than I expected so I am anticipating a lot of teary eyes tomorrow and I am braced. He is my oldest child, but I think the emotions have as much to do with the lessons God taught me through his entry into this world. In honor of these lessons, let me bring you there with me.

The Story

I had planned a natural hospital birth with a team of highly sought after certified nurse midwives. I was so excited to be doing this “the right way” with my first baby instead of learning the hard way that some providers are not always as “mother friendly” as they claim. (I say “right way” to highlight my over-confident attitude at the time, not to pass judgment in any way!)

And then, at 38 weeks, something unexpected happened. I thought my water had broken and ran to check. It was blood, and lots of it. I frantically pulled my husband out to our truck trying to explain why we had to leave at that very moment, nearly fainting on the way out the door.

A call to the midwives led us to the hospital maternity ward and within minutes we were having that emergency c-section I had so desperately done everything to avoid. I’d had a massive placental abruption, something that all my planning and researching could have done nothing to avoid. All my careful control was lost in mere seconds.

It left my baby boy fighting for every ounce of oxygen he so desperately needed. He came out blue and floppy, his apgar at 2/10. There is absolutely no question that this medical procedure saved his life (and truly at a very real level, God saved his life). He was admitted to the NICU and quickly showed signs of health, turning a light shade of pink and breathing on his own.

We were so relieved and thankful for God’s protection, bringing him through this traumatic birth. The following days were a blur of introducing him to family members while visiting him in the NICU, praising God for his miraculous recovery.

The Aftermath

Six days later, one of his doctor approached me and informed me they wanted to run MRIs of his brain to look for possible damage due to lack of oxygen. It was like someone threw on the brakes of my express train of joy and life came to a screeching halt. As a former special education teacher, I knew the effects lack of oxygen could have. Call it shock or denial, but for six days I had not thought a single time that they might apply to my baby. He was alive, healthy even. God had spared him. Spared us. How could God take back such a gift?!

Because I had apparently not said anything for a prolonged moment, the doctor mumbled something about waiting until my husband returned to talk with the two of us together and he walked away. Thankful, I sat down and let the words play back in my head. How stupid was I for being so happy; so blissfully, selectively ignorant. Of course we weren’t this lucky, this blessed. Would I spend the next one, four, (ten?!) years anxiously watching his every move, waiting for all the signs of the damage caused by the few hours of trauma from a single day? My husband arrived, I can’t even remember if I called him or how I told him what the doctor had said, but I felt like he was less surprised by the whole scenario. For a few seconds I was mad that he had let me remain so clueless.

The doctor returned and we asked him to explain it more. He said they would look for anything abnormal, and if there wasn’t anything we could breathe a little easier. He warned that it was possible they could find something abnormal looking on the scan, and it would turn out to never have any effect, or everything could look perfect and still there could be unexplainable delays. He said with or without the scan we would need to monitor his development carefully and bring up any concerns with our pediatrician. He mentioned most people choose the scan, but some parents prefer to skip it because “they would rather live each day loving and enjoying their new baby and each new development without the knowledge that there may be a problem or the assumed security that everything is normal.”

At that moment, God gave me a peace that was unfathomable. I felt like He spoke to my heart, “That is your life from here on out. As a mother, you will always have an overwhelming love for this child; the desire to protect him, make everything in his life perfect. That fear you feel — is the possibility of losing that which you love. It is the realization that by allowing yourself to love that deeply there is a risk of being hurt beyond measure. But don’t let that possibility paralyze you! You have never been guaranteed a single moment of life beyond this very moment. No one has. You have not lost control — You. Never. Had. It. You must live every day loving and enjoying this baby, everyone you love, without ever assuming you’ll have another day. Don’t live holding your breath because you don’t know what tomorrow will bring. I hold tomorrow in MY hands. The same hands that hold you.”

I will never know what those MRIs might have revealed about that tiny 6 day old baby, but I do know that God has gifted us with nearly four years to know, love, and enjoy our son a little more each day and what an amazing ride it has been!

Do you want to know something extra special? God gave us reassurance at every milestone that He was holding us and our every care in His hands. Our son hit every milestone that first year (and all the years since) in the earliest portion of the age range listed for each one. I didn’t even have the chance to sit around and wonder if he would sit or crawl or walk or talk “on time.” He continues to blow me away with his insatiable need for knowledge, his creativity, his quick wit, and his (selectively) sweet actions toward his little brother. Doesn’t God give good gifts?

There is a balance in motherhood between looking for the next problem and assuming that you have been promised security and control.

How do you strike that balance day to day?

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God VS. Food

May 11, 2012 by   Kate Tietje

Image by klearchos kapoutsis

There is a line of reasoning that has floated around the Christian, real-food “blogosphere” for awhile now — “Only Jesus can save you, so food is not important.  Food should not be worshiped and should not replace Jesus in your life.  All our days are numbered and no choices that we make can change that.”

Now, I agree…to a point.  I definitely agree with the first two sentences.  It’s that last sentence that has me a bit worried.  And frankly every time I read a post that follows this theme (and I have, from several bloggers — I am not picking on any one person, and I am not saying they’re wrong.  I believe they felt led to write what they did, just as I feel led to write this) I feel a deep stirring.  I don’t even disagree, per se, I just sort of think that this reasoning lacks balance and more importantly, misses the point.  I have to share my thoughts.

Frustration with Real Food

What has led a lot of bloggers to write this is their sheer frustration with real food.  It’s not that they have a problem with the food itself; they have a problem with all of the intense and very mixed messages flying at them.  People are constantly saying things like “Grains are good.  Grains are bad.  Meat is good.  Meat is bad.  If you eat candy, you’re poisoning your body.  Maybe if you ate better, you wouldn’t have health problems.”

The first thoughts (grains and meat) are simply confusing to many.  The last two thoughts (candy, health issues) are not Christian in any respect.  Even if you believe candy is poison and don’t consume it in your home, you don’t have the right to judge another’s choice.  Even worse, suggesting that someone may not have experienced a particular health issue if only they had a better diet is essentially blaming them for their own choices.  Even supposing it’s true — which is only a maybe – it is not your responsibility to point it out.  Love the person, and if you have a chance to gently speak into their lives in a helpful way when they are ready to hear it, that is something to consider prayerfully.

These very mixed and sometimes harsh messages turn people off to real food.  They stop listening to all the voices.  They believe that these voices are, in a sense, evil, and are in opposition to Jesus.  They believe people are worshiping the food instead of God.

Food is not to be worshiped.

Nothing is to be worshiped except for our Lord.  But the problem here is not real food.  It is not any form of natural living.  That misses the point.

God VS. Food

Somehow, this has been worked out to be in opposition.  God OR food.  That is the message that others are receiving.  And I think that simply misses the point.

God gave us food.  God gave us plants, animals, grains, herbs….  God gave us all of this amazing, wonderful creation!  We should thank Him for it and appreciate it.  We should partake of it and be glad.  When we align ourselves with God and His creation, we can be the best version of ourselves, and fulfill the destiny that He has laid out for us.

We cannot change our destiny.  We cannot use God’s creation as a substitute for God.  We cannot make our lives longer or avoid hardships that God has chosen uniquely for us.  We will still experience illness and sorrow and challenges.  Choosing to follow God’s path does not exempt us from that; the Bible is clear about this.

We also cannot judge another’s path.  While it may be true for some that choosing a healthy lifestyle exempts them from chronic illness, it will not be true for others.  God chooses the obstacles we must overcome and He chooses them for a reason.  We don’t always understand that.  We don’t know about others’ walk with God.  None of us know the mind of God.  This is why it is critical to pray before opening your mouth and to speak in love and with the intention to help.  It may be that God uses someone to bring attention to His creation in order to heal someone else.  Or it may be that it is that person’s time to leave the earth and rejoin God in heaven.  We don’t know.

But God isn’t in opposition with food!

Food, herbs, any of these things — these are from God.  We feel better when we follow God’s plan for us — which will look different for everyone.  We are able to do good things in God’s name when we are healthy.  When we make decisions about what to put in or on our bodies, we turn to God and we ask His advice.  God and His creation are forever intertwined.

Image by punzy

Guilt, Real Food and God

Too many people feel guilty because they don’t live up to what their neighbors or friends or bloggers are doing.  They can’t or don’t want to take certain steps.  They allow food or natural health choices to bog them down.  And they see “freedom” in pushing it away and focusing only on God.

This is dangerous, because it leads to this thought: “The choices I make don’t matter, because God knows every day of my life.”  He does.  But He also gave you free will, and He expects you to exercise that prayerfully and mindfully.  I’m afraid that people who become so frustrated will simply give up and stop trying to eat well or be healthy because “it just doesn’t matter; only God matters.”

As I said, God and His creation are intertwined.  You cannot separate them.

The problem isn’t the food (or medicine, or other health-related choice).  The problem is the people who are not behaving in a Christ-like manner.  The people who will condemn you for making the wrong choice, for being too strict or not strict enough.

The solution isn’t to give up on your journey to appreciate God’s creation and fulfill your individual destiny in Him; the solution is to ignore the naysayers.  God and His creation remain as perfect as ever!  It is the other voices you must ignore.

Do not feel guilty for prayerfully considering your options and going with what feels right to you.  Do not allow other voices to tell you that the way God is leading you is wrong.  Do not allow others to tell you that you’re moving at too slow a pace, or that you are harming your family by not following them.  Ignore them, for they are not God.

Following Your Path

We are not perfect.  Nobody is.  And everyone has a very different path.  Do not ever feel guilty for listening to God’s voice and following His lead even if others do not understand.  We have been told that others will not understand, and that we will be criticized!  We need to expect that.

Real food is not always the primary issue in our lives.  From hour to hour the main priority shifts, and that may mean that we sometimes choose food that is “less than optimal” because we have another priority.  Only God can show us what we ought to be focusing on.  We cannot do it all.  We should feel no guilt for this.

If you buy your kids fast food for dinner so that you have time to attend their soccer game and cheer them on, the relationships that you build in doing so (rather than being stuck in your kitchen, preparing the ‘perfect’ meal) will be worth it.  Is it a perfect solution?  No.  Is it sometimes the reality that we face?  Yes.

On the other hand, if you have a child with severe food allergies, you don’t have the luxury of being “free” with food choice.  You should not feel guilty for accidentally alienating those who do not understand or for what your child can’t experience.  Having a child who is healthy and happy is far more important than any other rest of that.

Just in case you still feel like others are doing “better” than you are in the real food department (not that it matters!), a bunch of us bloggers will be doing some “real food confessions” in July, telling you all the ways that we fail to feed our families perfectly!

God Touches All Parts of Our Lives

I really don’t like this compartmentalization of God that seems to occur.  God OR food…God OR medicine…and so on.  Not that it’s true for everyone and it’s entirely possible that I just don’t understand another’s thoughts or feelings.  I’m not judging anyone in particular; I’m speaking for the way that I think.

God touches all parts of my life.  There is no part that is exempt from His plan and His guidance.  He guides my food choices, my medical choices, how many children I will have, where they go to school, even what I might say to someone who has hurt me.  Every part of my life has God in it.  I don’t need to worry about replacing Him because He is the center.  I don’t worry about what others say to me because they are not my judges.

I move on things even when I don’t understand them because I feel God has called me to.  Usually that ends up amazingly, when I step out on faith.

I hope this comes through in everything I write, and that you all understand that I’m sharing my walk, my convictions, my passions with you — which come to me through God.  I’m not telling you the ‘right’ way to live.  I’m sharing with you where I am.  My intent is never to make you feel guilty because you are not in the same place I am.  My intent is to support you all, prayerfully, as you journey to wherever God would have you go.

I hope that the God vs. Food mentality has been put to rest.  Enjoy and appreciate God’s creation and ignore the very fallen people who would tell you that you ought to ever place God and His creation at odds.

**This post has been entered in Real Food Wednesday.**

What do you think?  Have you run across this?

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Best Laid Plans

March 24, 2012 by   Sara Shay @YourThrivingFamily

The plans of the heart belong to man,
but the answer of the tongue is from the Lord.
All the ways of a man are pure in his own eyes,
but the Lord weighs the spirit.
Commit your work to the Lord,
and your plans will be established.
The Lord has made everything for its purpose,
even the wicked for the day of trouble.
Everyone who is arrogant in heart is an abomination to the Lord;
be assured, he will not go unpunished.
By steadfast love and faithfulness iniquity is atoned for,
and by the fear of the Lord one turns away from evil.
When a man’s ways please the Lord,
he makes even his enemies to be at peace with him.
Better is a little with righteousness
than great revenues with injustice.
The heart of man plans his way,
but the Lord establishes his steps.

~ Proverbs 16 (ESV)

Great Plans

First and foremost our plans WILL fail – at some point.  We’ve all had those days, with or without prayer, full of plans to get a great amount of things accomplished – and somehow it all going wrong.   This does not keep us from planning, with God’s thoughts in mind, setting our day up on His foundations.  And honestly, when you start the day off badly isn’t it REALLY hard to recover?

Is it not easy to get caught up in what WE need to do, to accomplish?  We can end up spending our day, because we feel overwhelmed, focusing on our chores, rather than training and raising children.  Not only in the ways of the Lord, but in the day to day workings of life.

I am still flabbergasted when college students don’t know how to do simple tasks – vacuuming, dusting, folding a towel – which yes, even the boys need to know. We MUST involve our children and set them up to succeed in ALL areas of life.

I’ll Do it Myself

I am guilty of the, “It’s just faster to do it myself.”   This has it’s time and place.  But for the most part, with a little planning you can set yourself up to have the patience and time to teach.  And hopefully have a great time with it!  I love seeing the joy and pride when they’ve figured it out and done it right.  “Aren’t I a good helper, Mama?”

I by no means have this all figured out.  And sometimes I am the one responsible for starting off our day off headed for failure and tears – not having my patience hat on.

Readying Your Heart

It is on these are the days I am not conscious and intentional about my actions.
The days I do not have God first on my heart.
The days I am more concerned with how much sleep I didn’t get the night before, rather than having a good day with my precious children.

I pray that this is a reminder to some, a help to others going in the right direction and for all of us a re-focus on God’s mercies and his blessings – Our Sweet Ones.

What are your struggles with involving your children in the household?  How have you learned to overcome?

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What Does The Bible Say About Debt?

February 7, 2012 by   Stacy Makes Cents

Image by surrelmar

My dad is a man in the Word. If I need to know something about a certain passage, I always ask him. My dad is also a man of few words – unlike his daughter. I can sometimes get pretty riled up when people describe debt as a “tool” when the Bible clearly speaks against that – in both the Old and New Testament. Does my dad get riled up? Nope. He just looks at me and says “Stacy, if someone wants to misbehave, they’re going to do it. And no amount of you quoting scriptures is going to change that.”

I wish I were more like my dad. However, I can’t stand idly by while people continue to believe lies about debt: “I have to live this way”, “I have to have a car payment”, “you can’t buy a home without getting a mortgage”, “I have to have a credit card for emergencies”. No…that’s a lie you’ve been led to believe by society – but God can set you free from that bondage if you’ll listen to what He says.

Let me get something out of the way first – I realize that some people are in debt, but now they want to get out. I’m not addressing you. You’ve realized how dangerous debt is and you’re trying to get out. I also realize that some people get into debt and it’s something they couldn’t avoid – like medical debt. I’m not addressing you either. I’m addressing those of you who still believe debt is a “tool” and can be used “responsibly.”

You might bring a tiger home from the wilderness, raise it, and think it’s your kitty cat, but that responsibly trained cat can still turn on you and eat you for dinner. Debt isn’t something to be messed around with or treated like a dinner guest.

Oh, and one more thing – I’m also addressing Christians here. If you’re not a Christian, I don’t expect you to follow the Word.

Image by fosforix

Proverbs 22:7 – “Just as the rich rule the poor, so the borrower is servant to the lender.”

I’m not sure about you, but I don’t know anyone who enjoys being a slave to something (except to Christ). When you’re in debt, you’re slave to your lender. You might not realize it, but they control a good deal of what you do – what you buy – where you go. You have to make sure you have enough to pay that bill this month……so you might not be able to go certain places or do certain things. Shake off that bond of slavery and live only for Christ.

1 Corinthians 7:23 – “God purchased you at a high price. Don’t be enslaved by the world.”

This links back to the verse in Proverbs about being a servant/slave. God purchased us. We are his. We should not be enslaved to Bank of America.

Psalm 37:21 – “The wicked borrow and never repay, but the godly are generous givers.”

This points to bankruptcy. You borrow, but you don’t repay? The Bible says that is “wicked.” Do I think there are times when people have no choice but to file bankruptcy? Yes. Do I also think that they should pay back the money eventually? Yes.

Romans 13:8 – “Pay all your debts, except the debt of love for others. You can never finish paying that! If you love your neighbor, you will fulfill all the requirements of God’s law.”

We should always be in debt to our brother – in love. We should not be in debt to Wells Fargo for our sea-do.

Proverbs 17:18 – “It is poor judgment to co-sign a friend’s note, to become responsible for a neighbor’s debts.”

If debt was a “tool” then wouldn’t it be cool to co-sign and help someone else get into debt? Umm, no. The Bible says you have poor judgment if you help someone else get a loan – because it’s likely that loan will be yours some day when they default.

Image by JSmith Photo

Is debt a sin? Absolutely not.  I realize that I sound very “hard core” above, but for me, debt isn’t something to mess around with. My husband counsels people on a daily basis who have tried to use debt “responsibly” and it backfired on them. There isn’t a single verse in the Bible where God uses debt to bless someone – in fact, it’s the opposite – he warns against it on a regular basis.

Please be encouraged. Debt isn’t something that you have to keep around like a pet. It IS possible to live debt free and live in freedom. I’ve heard from countless people that it’s only possible to live without debt if you’re rich – that’s a complete and total lie. Rich people didn’t get rich by using debt (most of them anyway) – they got rich by being smart with what they did have and making it work for them.

I am a stay-at-home mom and my husband works for our church. We both graduated from college debt free and Barry also has his Masters Degree – debt free. We are far from “rich” and yet I get to stay at home and not “work.” We were debt free, including our home, before I was 30 years old. We don’t plan on ever going into debt again. It is our goal in life to help others live free from the bondage of debt.

You CAN do it! Please let me know if I can be of any help to you (or Barry). If you need help setting up a budget, we have a free resource for you, Barry’s book on how to set up a budget – forms included. That’s available to anyone who signs up to get my daily emails. We hope it’s a blessing to you.

Live like no one else.

Do you follow the Bible’s word on debt?  Are you working currently to get out of debt?

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Feminism Meets Biblical Womanhood

December 21, 2011 by   Kate Tietje

Image by Jodi Womack

Recently I was reading an article by Dr. Lissa Rankin, regarding her new book, What’s Up Down There: Questions You’d Only Ask Your Gynecologist if She Was Your Best Friend.  She’s been on a promotional tour, and has run into a rather ridiculous issue: the word “vagina” is ‘too saucy’ to say on a mainstream media outlet.  She’d written an article called “15 Crazy Things About Vaginas,” but it got pulled after only an hour for being inappropriate (even though a similar article on sperm created no controversy).

Okay.  I don’t define myself as a feminist by any means.  But this is ridiculous.

What’s wrong with discussing important women’s health issues?  What’s wrong with bringing these issues to light?  To me, this is related to anti-choice in birthing (you will have a hospital birth or else), telling women they shouldn’t breastfeed in public (or at all), and other feminist issues.

God made our bodies perfect, and strong.  He made our bodies to carry babies, to give birth to them, to nourish them with our breasts.  Why should we be ashamed of that?  Why should we hide it behind closed doors and pretend it doesn’t happen?  Or worse, lose all knowledge of natural processes and confidence in our ability to do what God created us to do?

Because Satan wants us to be, that’s why.

Feminists are sure that women are denigrated and seen as sex objects and inferior people.  They think that men are deliberately doing this to women because of a paternalistic, religious belief.  They’re right about the first part — but wrong about the second.

Satan’s Greatest Lie

God’s design for the family is that men submit to God, and women submit to their husbands (which does not mean that husbands are ‘in charge of’ their wives or that wives don’t have brains of their own).  Men and women have unique roles in the family, and neither is superior or inferior to the other.  They need each other and cannot live without each other.  Men and women are merely different but equally strong.

If Satan can convince men that they are superior, though, and that women ought to be inferior, then he can destroy the family.  He can pit men and women against each other.  He can make women feel meek and afraid to ‘stand up to’ their husbands, and that their place is silent, pregnant, and barefoot in the kitchen.  This is not a Biblical marriage.  This is a bastardization of one, one that Satan has gotten his hand deeply into.

Worse, Satan’s convinced those who are not religious that this is actually God’s plan!  He has convinced the world at large that women ought to be inferior and it is God’s design and God’s fault, and therefore they — especially women — should turn away from God!

Women are Toys

This has led to our culture objectifying women as sex objects — portraying them scantily clad all over advertisements, and leading them to believe there is power in using their bodies as strippers, prostitutes, or even just “dressing to please” in everyday life.  Attempts to wear modest clothing are seen as further evidence of keeping women down, rather than a woman choosing to show respect for her own body.

Women are to be empty vessels, who exist to give men sexual pleasure.  This can take the form of stimulating magazines, videos (porn), advertisements; or it can take the form of prostitution; or even in marriage that a woman is quiet and allows her husband to “do to her” what he will.

The Bible does say that a woman ought not to refuse her husband.  But it also says that he ought not to refuse her.  It goes both ways.  Again, the theme of “different but equal” is there, but ignored.

The Ultimate Undoing

The ultimate undoing would be to acknowledge that a woman is not inferior and not a sex object.  It would be to publicly and shamelessly acknowledge a woman’s strength, and respect the way that God made her.

Satan cannot allow this to happen.

Therefore, we must hide things like sex, birth, and breastfeeding — women’s powerful, natural functions — from everyone.  We must shield people from these “obscene” things and ask that they occur only behind closed doors.  Women and “those things they do” are naughty, and polite company doesn’t talk about them (don’t some women teach this to other women?).  That’s the way women keep themselves down!

But this is a lie from Satan.  Talking openly about birth, breastfeeding, marital issues, women’s health — is not naughty or obscene.  Showing off one’s body in a sexual manner to entice men you are not married to, that’s obscene.  But the latter is truly inferior (viewing women only as objects of affection/sexual thoughts), while the former is truly powerful (celebrating women as real people, the way God designed them).

We, as Christian women, cannot buy Satan’s lie.  We cannot refuse to talk about important, crucial women’s health issues because we believe it to be “wrong” to talk about.  That’s not God’s design.  In the Bible it talks openly about women becoming pregnant, giving birth, and nourishing babies at their breasts.

We need to break free of the stereotypes and meet up with the feminists who, for very different reasons, are championing women’s rights to birth where they choose, breastfeed their babies (if they choose), and otherwise celebrate their bodies.  We can meet on common ground and show feminists who are not Christians that just because we are Christians doesn’t mean that we just lie down and let our husbands treat us like doormats.  We have strength, too, and we are not afraid to talk about it!

Some say that birth and breastfeeding are wrong because there’s some sort of hidden sexual agenda there.  In fact, there is nothing sexual about this.  That’s just another of Satan’s lies — that anything we do with our bodies must be sexual in nature.  There’s nothing sexual about health, birth, or breastfeeding!  These are natural, normal, non-obscene functions of a woman’s body.

Proud to Be a Woman

I’m proud to be a woman.  Are you?  I’m proud that I am able to carry a child within my body, give birth to it, and nourish it with my breasts, as God designed me to do.  A man cannot do that.  We should accept and love our bodies!

On another note, we shouldn’t denigrate men.  They didn’t “do” this to us; Satan did.  We should respect and admire their unique strengths, too.  Men don’t have to be pushed down so women can climb up — yet another of Satan’s lies!

Are you ready to talk openly about women’s issues?  Ready to admit that you’re a perfect creation in the image of God with nothing to hide?

What do you think?  Has Satan lied to us about womanhood?

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