All posts tagged marriage

Choosing to Love Your Husband

February 20, 2013 by   Jaclyn

Photo Credit: www.DanielLeePhotography.co.uk via Compfight cc

Choosing to love your husband? “Well that’s silly,” you might say. “I didn’t choose to love him, it just happened.” True. When I met my husband, I was done for. Head over heels in love. I didn’t choose to love him; it just happened.

Fast forward ten years of marriage: three kids, a mortgage payment, putting three meals on the table daily, 14,000 loads of laundry a week (I kid… or do I?), and sometimes I don’t feel like loving him. I feel like complaining. I feel like moping because sometimes it seems like no one cares about mama’s feeling in the midst of the chaos. I feel like I might explode some days. But I choose to love.

Feelings can be misleading. Jeremiah 17:9 tells us “The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?” I can scarce understand my own emotions most of the time, but there are some things that I know without doubt. In her book “Unglued,” Lysa TerKeurst talks about mentally reviewing what she knows to be true when she finds herself in a stressful situation. I KNOW I’m Jaclyn Harwell. I KNOW I am daughter to Johnny and Sabrina and wife to David; mother to Camden, Maddox and Everett. I KNOW I am a child of God. And I KNOW I can seek Him in all things, and ask Him how He would have me respond to my husband in times of discord.

We know that according to God’s word, we are to submit to our husbands. I KNOW this. So, in moments of discord, I ask the Lord how I can honor my husband while still communicating what I feel must be said. I seek the Lord in moments of distress in my marriage, and His response is always the same: first and foremost, I must honor my husband. From there, the Lord will guide my speech if I let Him.

Choosing to Love

And I choose to love. I choose to love when I’m picking up dirty socks. I choose to love when I’m feeling unappreciated after putting a stellar meal on the dinner table. I choose to love when my husband forgets his lunch I made for him the night before AGAIN (or IS he forgetting…? Maybe he’s sick of this Paleo business. Hmmm… that’s neither here nor there). I choose to love because that is the only real choice. As the song from King and Country says, “If I sing but don’t have love, I waste my breath with every song, I bring an empty voice, a hollow noise. If I speak with a silver tongue, convince a crowd but don’t have love, I leave a bitter taste with every word I say.”

If I go about my sometimes mundane business of being a wife and mom, getting everyone’s laundry done and feeding their bodies with good, nourishing foods but do so without love, what’s the point? If my husband comes home to a clean house and warm dinner, but I don’t greet him with love and am instead grouchy after working hard all day, then the clean house and warm dinner will mean nothing; my hard work will just leave a bitter taste in his mouth. Likewise, if it’s just one of those days and the house is messy, I’m still in my pajamas and dinner is just not going to happen, I can greet him with a hug and kiss, a warm smile and a genuine appreciation for his arrival home, and he could care less about the other stuff.

1 Peter 4:8 states “Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins.” All the other stuff, whether the house is clean or not, the dinner is made or not, I smell nice because I actually got a shower (or not!), that stuff is just fluff. The love you have for each other is the real meat of what makes the marriage work. When I choose to love my husband, I can walk in joyfulness, knowing the good I bring him. I become a woman worthy of his love, too. The thing about love is that it just multiplies and grows, and when I choose to love my husband, his choice to love me back becomes a no-brainer, and love really is what makes the world go ‘round, isn’t it?

How do you choose to love your husband?

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Guest Post: 6 Ways to Love Your Husband This Valentine’s Day

February 15, 2013 by   Kate Tietje

This is a guest post from Beverly of Alive & Living.  I know — it’s technically the day *after* Valentine’s Day.  I had so many awesome posts to share with you this month that I didn’t have time to put this one up a day or two earlier!  It’s still a great reminder, loving your husband has no season, and I had been hoping for an excellent post about marriage to put up today.  Plus, even though I’ve been married almost 7 years now, we are *still* working on this!  It’s a life-long effort.  Thus, this is perfect.

This isn’t your standard Valentine’s Day post. It isn’t about what to cook, buy, or how to look for your husband. I wanted to give you some tips that you can practice for the rest of your married life. Valentine’s Day would be a great time to start implementing these tips, but they are really meant to be used in the future as well.

My Experience

I am so thankful to have learned of Love & Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs in premarital counseling!  He shares truths found in scripture to help you communicate and relate effectively and lovingly to your spouse, and how to meet each other’s needs. I was so blessed by his teaching that I never turn down a chance to share it. So, this Valentine’s Day let’s focus on how we can meet our husband’s needs instead of what we think he should do for us.

Love Is Not Enough

Just as we as wives need love, our husbands need respect. We may wish that our husbands would love us as much as we love him, but in reality he doesn’t need love. And without receiving respect from us, it can be difficult for him to love us enough. This is actually a circle concept called the Crazy Cycle.

The Crazy Cycle

Without love from him, she reacts without respect; without respect from her, he reacts without love.

The Command

Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.
Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.
~Ephesians 5:22-33 ESV

Unconditional Love & Unconditional Respect

We can grasp the concept of unconditional love, but what about unconditional respect? Often we think that respect needs to be earned, but that is not the case in marriage. Respect is a man’s deepest value; it is the key to motivating a husband. Saying that you love your husband, but that you don’t feel any respect for him is like him saying to you, I respect you, but I don’t love you.

Men are commanded to love because they don’t love naturally, and on the other side, women are commanded to respect because they don’t respect naturally. Giving your husband unconditional respect is the clear path to receiving unconditional love from him. The way to get off the Crazy Cycle is to get onto the Energizing Cycle.

The Energizing Cycle

His love motivates her respect; her respect motivates his love.

Dr. Eggerichs offers 6 ways you can show respect to your husband to get the Energizing Cycle spinning.

6 Ways To Show Respect To Your Husband

1. Conquest – Appreciate His Desire To Work And Achieve

If you can start to understand how important your husband’s work is to him, you will take a giant step toward communicating respect and honor. If a wife even implies, unknowingly, that her husband’s work is not that important, she has just called him a loser. He wants a woman who believes in him.

Your husband will feel you appreciate his desire to work and achieve when…

  • you tell him that you value his work efforts.
  • you express your faith in him related to his chosen field.
  • you listen to his work stories as closely as you expect him to listen to your stories.
  • you don’t dishonor or subtly criticize his work to get him to show more love.

2. Hierarchy – Appreciate His Desire To Protect And Provide

Your husband will feel you appreciate his desire to protect and provide when…

  • you verbalize your admiration of him for protecting you and being willing to die for you.
  • you praise his commitment to provide for and protect you and the family.
  • you empathize when he reveals his male mind-set about position, particularly at work.
  • you never mock the idea of “looking up to him” as your protector to prevent him from “looking down on you”.
  • you never, in word or body language, put down his job or how much he makes.

3. Authority – Appreciate His Desire To Serve And To Lead

Your husband wants your acknowledgment that he is the leader, the one in authority. This is not to grind you under or treat you as inferior. It is only to say that because God has made your husband responsible (Ephesians 5:25-33), he needs the authority to carry out that responsibility.

If you want to work with your husband to reach mutually satisfying decisions most of the time, follow this principle: Go on record with your husband that you see him as having 51 percent of the responsibility and, therefore, 51 percent of the authority. Tell him that you see him as having more authority because he has more responsibility before God — the responsibility to die for you, if necessary.

He will feel you appreciate his authority and leadership when…

  • you tell him you are thankful for his strength and enjoy being able to lean on him at times.
  • you support his self-image as a leader.
  • you never say, “You’re responsible but we’re still equal, so don’t make a decision I don’t agree with.”
  • you praise his good decisions.
  • you are gracious if he makes a bad decision.
  • you disagree with him only in private and honor his authority in front of the kids.
  • you give your reasons for disagreeing quietly and reasonably, but never attack his right to lead.

4. Insight – Appreciate His Desire to Analyze And Counsel

If you aren’t happy with your husband’s leadership, ask yourself these questions:

Do I send him a message that I do not intend to follow him if he makes a decision contrary to what I believe is correct?

Do I send a message that says, “I want you to lead but only when it carries out my desires?

Your husband will feel you appreciate his insight and counsel when…

  • you tell him upfront you just need his ear; don’t complain to him later that he always tries to “fix” you.
  • you thank him for his advice without acting insulted or like he doesn’t care about your feelings.
  • you realize your vulnerabilities, especially among males, and value his protection.
  • you counsel him respectfully when you differ with his ideas.
  • you sometimes let him “fix things” and applaud his solutions

5. Relationship – Appreciate His Desire For Shoulder-To-Shoulder Friendship

Your husband will feel you value his shoulder-to-shoulder friendship when…

  • you tell him you like him and you show it (he knows you love him, but he often wonders if you really like him.)
  • you respond to his invitation to engage in recreational activities together or you come along to watch.
  • you enable him to open up and talk to you as you do things shoulder to shoulder.
  • you encourage him to spend time alone, which energizes him to reconnect with you later.
  • you don’t denounce his shoulder-to-shoulder activities with his male friends to get him to spend more face-to-face time with you. Respect his friendships, and he will be more likely to want you to join him shoulder to shoulder at other times.

6. Sexuality – Appreciate His Desire For Sexual Intimacy

The rule that never changes is: you can’t get what you need by depriving you partner of what your partner needs.

He will feel you appreciate his desire for sexual intimacy when…

  • you respond to him sexually more often and initiate sex periodically
  • you understand he needs sexual release just as you need emotional release
  • you let him acknowledge his sexual temptations without fearing he’ll be unfaithful and without shaming him.
  • you don’t try to make him open up to you verbally by depriving him of sex.

When we have faith in Jesus Christ, we can step off the Energizing Cycle onto the Rewarded Cycle.

The Rewarded Cycle

His love blesses regardless of her respect; her respect blesses regardless of his love.

The Goodwill Of Your Husband

As portrayed in the 6 ways to respect your husband, we need to assume that our husbands are not trying to harm us. Most of the time they are trying to do their best to love us, and we need to recognize this! It will be easier for us to forgive them and help them see how to love us, instead of getting angry at them and thinking that they will never understand how to love us.

It may seem awkward at first to tell your husband all the things you respect about him, but it is essentially the same as him telling us all the things he loves about us!

How Will You “Love” Your Husband This Valentine’s Day? What Do You Respect About Your Husband?

 

Beverly and her husband have been married for five years. She worked as an Electrical Engineer until 2011 when she was laid-off. With God’s guidance she determined to be a homemaker and started researching the best foods to eat. During her research she came across the WAPF and began to understand the importance of “real” food in her diet. She recently started blogging to share what she is learning on her “real” food journey. Check out her blog, Alive & Living for articles about living and eating the way God intended.

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How to Show Respect Even When You Disagree

February 13, 2013 by   Megan

 

Original Photo by Michael Sarver 

By Megan Ciampa, Contributing Writer

“I told you so!”

Words you never enjoy hearing.

Especially when it’s between a husband and wife or anyone in any close relationship.  Those words sting even more and often signal that the person who said those words has been harboring judgment, resentment or accusations in his or her heart towards the other person.  “I was right, and you were wrong.”

We make decisions every single day, and oftentimes we as parents and spouses have to make important decisions that are not as clear-cut as the rest.

What do you do though when you and your spouse do not agree on big matters? How do you handle it if you and your husband are at odds with one another?  What’s your reaction typically like? And how does your response fit in with what the Bible says about roles and responsibilities within the home?  If you are not a believer, this part may make you groan, but if you hang on for just a tad longer, you may see that this can be applicable even if you are not involved in a Christ-centered marriage.

Here’s a quick peak at God’s instructions for Christian households in Colossians 3.  I am using The Message version because I like how it reads (emphasis in bold is mine):

18 Wives, understand and support your husbands by submitting to them in ways that honor the Master.
19 Husbands, go all out in love for your wives. Don’t take advantage of them.
[...]
24 Keep in mind always that the ultimate Master you’re serving is Christ.

God calls us to a higher standard than what we often see displayed on TV or in the media in marital relationships.  Wives are to be understanding and supportive, and by being submissive to our husbands (which we’ll discuss more in depth), we are honoring Christ.

Often times we see the submission verse given to women and we might shudder and think, “Oh great, just another command to the women.  The guys get off easy!”  In reality, the very next verse calls husbands to “go all out in love for your wives.”  We are to be submissive, but our instruction does not heed love!

Let’s just take a pause here and say if you knew me as a teenager, your jaw would probably drop knowing I would even discuss passages like this! Even though I grew up in a Godly household with Christian parents who modeled a very Godly marriage to me and my three brothers, I grew up with boys all around me and I often felt suppressed by the verses I read towards women. I believed false truths that these commandments put women down and were not in a woman’s best interest, and yet I was still a Christian.  It was just an area I really grappled with and didn’t enjoy discussing much in woman’s classes or hearing from the pulpit.  It really wasn’t until I grew up and got married and had a baby that I realized there was much wisdom in these commandments.

So, how can you show respect and submission to your husband even when you disagree on BIG issues (health, food, education, where you live, careers, decisions related to your children, finances, etc)?

First we must understand what submission means.  It does not mean suppression.  While it may harken back thoughts or ideas of the 1950s era or lead you to the beginnings of the feminist era, real submission does not mean suppression.  I do not believe God employed women with hearts and brains only to not use them and “play dumb.”  As helpmeets, we are employed with these assets to work alongside our husband and truly strive to make the best decisions we know how, giving glory to God.  It’s just that we will not always see eye-to-eye.

Submission means yielding.  It means letting go when you realize in order to move on as a couple, someone has to give.  It does not mean your ideas or thoughts are not valid. It does not mean your preference has no merit.  It just simply means yielding.

fPat Murray via Compfight

Imagine a wrestling match between two stiff competitors.  Both have trained hard, are in good physical and mental condition.  It’s a pretty even fight, but eventually in order for the fight to be decided, one must win and one must lose.  The one who lost is yielding.  The fight is over and both the winner and loser move on and there is probably a sense of relief among both competitors that the match is now complete.

This is sometimes how it feels when there is a major disagreement between a husband and a wife.  In the midst of the struggle, both are at odds with one another, working their hardest to prove their point.  When it all comes to a head and a decision is reached, there is often relief that follows.  I believe these feelings are probably part of God’s design.  It’s not easy to submit, but when you sense the peace and healing God’s plan can provide, it makes the act of submission a little bit easier.

About Respect

One of the biggest needs for a man is to feel respect.  As women, we often think it’s love, so we might shower our husband with the type of loving affection we like to receive, when what would really float his boat is for him to know we really respect who he is as a man and that we trust him.  (To read more about this I suggest you check out the book For Women Only: What You Need to Know about the Inner Lives of Men by Shaunti Feldhahn.)

During and after a conflict, one of the easiest ways to show respect to your husband is to just yield.  It may be very hard to do so, but you can respectfully say, “I’m going to trust you on this.” You don’t have to say you disagree, it’s probably quite obvious if you’ve been fighting!  You can just simply communicate, “I have my reservations and I feel differently but I’m going to trust you on this and we’re in this together.”  That sentiment will probably mean more than anything to your husband.  To know that you stand beside him will give him the confidence to proceed with the decision.

It also puts the ball back in his court so that he really has to consider for himself, “Am I making the right decision?”

If you yield, then just yield.  I’d advise not coming back and saying “I told you so” or acting like a jerk or being disrespectful.  The simple act of yielding creates trust and respect, and creating trust in your marriage is one of the most important things you can do.
Yield Sunset

Image by Sean Molin via Compfight

When a decision has been made, as a couple you bear the outcome together.  Whether it’s a good choice or a bad choice in the end, it’s something that both the husband and wife need to be united on.  It’s ever so tempting in the face of a bad choice to say to someone, “Well, I wanted to do ____, but he said…” and knock down your husband.  Let’s not do this!

When it’s a good choice, you can also share in the victory of that, but avoid the temptation to be a fair-weather friend.

One last reminder:  Never forget the words in 1 Peter 3:1:

“Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives” (NIV).

Even if your husband and you are not on the same page about issues you find incredibly important, by yielding and showing respect, you may gradually win over your husband with less heartache and torture than you would by fighting over every single issue.  (When it comes to real food and health, I found this post by Katie of Kitchen Stewardship incredibly encouraging: How to Boil a Husband.  She recommends: Share information, communicate, build trust, retain normalcy, and show results.)

How do you show respect and submission in your relationship?  How have you improved this aspect of your marriage? What makes it easier? Harder?

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Prayers for Praising not Pleas

February 12, 2013 by   Sara Shay @YourThrivingFamily

 

I’ve always learned from mentors and friends to pray for the things we wanted and desired for in a husband.  And the more specific the better!

Then we meet and fall in love – some of that list matches up, at least all the big, important ones – those little ones go by the wayside.  And probably for good reason, because really, physical traits are, after all, only physical.

So we count the cost and weigh the love.  Then dive in!  With no return and love goggles on.

Then we get married and begin a new life.  Being told to not try to change our husbands, we once again start a list . . .

Specific prayers of things we want God to change in our spouse.  They aren’t all, “Please help my husband learn to put his stuff away cause he’s driving me nuts.”  Most are good things for him. Things for the family.  Things that will help him better function better in this world.

But guess what?  God knows our heart.  He knows more than us what our husband needs.  And more than that, the kind of husband we need.  The kind of father our children need.

Those prayer lists aren’t full of hope, they are full of fault!  Laid out in black and white, all his shortcomings.  All the things you don’t like about him.  The man he isn’t, not the man he is.

I know this first hand.  Shortly after our first child was born and we were going through a pretty bad time with our marriage and being new parents.  This is when he found such a list.  And that is just what he saw.  A list of of all the things he was not.

It’s almost six years later and I am revisiting this memory again.  I stopped making lists.  But it did not stop me from praying for those things I wanted to change.  Now that fault list was in my head, not just on paper.

All the glaring negatives became my prayers, the thoughts in the forefront of my mind did not help with having a positive attitude towards life.  So a few months ago, when once again life was getting hard I made a decision.

Instead of praying for the change God already knew needed to happen, I began giving thanks for what I did have.  For the committed provider he IS.  For the love he has for our children.  That he chose me to be stuck with in a blizzard.

Just as putting forth a thankful thought each day changed my outlook last year and is well on it’s way this year, it has allowed me to dwell on all the things in my marriage and husband that are amazing.  That I have.

What have your prayers and thoughts been consumed with?

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Ten Tips From Our Ten Years of Marriage

May 29, 2012 by   Justyn

Friday was our tenth anniversary! It seems unreal that we have been married for an entire decade. Over these last ten years, we’ve learned some ways to encourage a healthy marriage. Although I’ll share our own examples, your marriage will look different — and that’s good! The idea is to work together to figure out what works for you.

1. Create a Vision: Having vision is vital, because it gives you purpose! Many people make a list of goals, which tell them what to do, but not why to do it. Having goals is fine, but it won’t inspire you when things get tough the way that vision will. When you first get married, you’re full of dreams and emotions! This is a wonderful time to give yourselves some intentional direction. It’s so easy to just wander aimlessly after the honeymoon feeling wears off, so take advantage of the inspiring atmosphere! First, talk about marriage in general and then about specific marriages that inspire you. What are some things you love? What are some things you never want to have in your marriage? How can you strive towards the good and avoid the bad?

Some things that we came up with were that we would NEVER threaten divorce (no matter what!), that we wouldn’t name-call, that we wouldn’t tell each other’s secrets, that we wouldn’t have disagreements in front of the kids…that we WOULD reevaluate our marriage and our lives every year, that we would work hard to stay connected, that we would do the other things on this list!  My hubby and I loved The First 90 Days of Marriage by Eric and Leslie Ludy for this. It wasn’t yet written when we were married, so we used it like a refresher course. Whether you’re not even engaged or you’ve been married for years, I really encourage you to go through this book together!

2. Make a Plan: Dream together! Talk about where you’d like to live, what career field your hubby would like to be in, what kind of lifestyle you want, what you’d like to learn together and do together and anything else you can think of! Dream big and get excited about your future together! Then…

3. Scrap the Plan: I know, why make plans if you aren’t going to stick with them?! Well, having common goals keeps you pulling in the same direction, but what you love and want NOW isn’t necessarily going to be what floats your boat in ten years. You need to allow yourselves the grace to change. Ten years ago we had no idea that we would want to have a homestead in Amish country and raise chickens, goats and drink raw milk from our own cow! Sticking with our original plan wouldn’t have done any good, because it just didn’t fit who we have become. So, make those plans, but be sure to re-evaluate them periodically.

4. Be Honest: This may be harder than it sounds if you’re the kind of person who doesn’t like to “rock the boat”. If your hubby asks for your opinion or preference, tell him the truth, not what you think he wants to hear! If he wants to buy the only sofa in the store that you absolutely hate, let him know so you can find one that you both like. But…

5. Manners Matter: Have you ever met a person who prides themselves on being “honest,” but that just isn’t the word people use to describe them? “Harsh,” “blunt” or “brash” would be more accurate. They just “tell it like it is” without any regard for the feelings of those around them. We need to temper our honesty with kindness. The Bible calls it “speaking the truth in love.” Maybe your hubby does need to lay off the junk food and get more exercise, but you’ll get a lot further if you approach him in a spirit of concern and love, rather than with criticism.The other part of manners is the everyday “please” and “thank you” ones. When we first got married, we went to a church with a Sunday school for young married couples. In that group was a couple that was just rude to each other. They ordered each other around with no “please” or “thank you.” We decided that we would maintain our basic good manners that started before we were married. It’s so easy and it makes such a difference.

6. Be Serious, But Have Fun: This one is all about balance. Some couples are so serious that you wonder if they ever even had fun while dating! Others are so busy goofing around making a joke out of everything that you have to wonder if they are ever serious about anything. The right balance for every couple is going to be unique, but if you tend to be more serious, lighten up and play a little! If you tend to be extremely silly, sit down together and have a serious conversation once in a while! Don’t try to change who you are, but do try to stretch out of your comfort zone a little. That’s part of growing!

7. Do Things Together: Some couples spend all of their free time doing things with their separate friends. The only time they spend together is when they finally go home at night to sleep. The man is out doing sports with “the guys” and the woman is out shopping with “the girls” and never the twain shall meet. If that’s your marriage, get out two pens and some paper. Each of you can make a list of ideas for things you would enjoy doing with your spouse. Come up with at least ten things and then share your lists. Start with one thing from each list (whatever sound like the most fun!) and find something to do together. You don’t have to do them all, but be willing to try things with an open heart and mind. You might be surprised at what ends up being your favorite activity!Our favorite thing is to go camp out at the bookstore together! We each grab a pile of books and magazines, a cup of coffee (decaf mocha, for me!) and then we periodically chat about what we’re reading. Sometimes we’ll both read about the same subject (homesteading, organic gardening, gourmet recipes, etc.) and sometimes we’ll do our own thing, but we interact either way. Now that we have kids, we sit in the children’s section so that they are entertained, too! :-)

8. Do Things Separately: Especially early in marriage, some couples tend to never do “their own thing”. Although this is less common than failing to do things together, it does happen. If this is you, I’m not saying you shouldn’t spend plenty of time with your hubby. Just try to learn some new things while you do. Having different thoughts to share spices up the conversation. What do you love that you haven’t been doing? Art? A foreign language? A sport? You can do things separately, but still together. For example, if he’d love to play on a team and you’d love to get into photography, sign him up for a basketball team and take your camera to the game. Cheer for him and learn to take great pictures at the same time. Show him the awesome photo you got of his three-pointer, when you get home.

9. Try New Things: Doing new things on your own is wonderful, but doing new things together is so good for your marriage! The excitement of learning or doing something new has a bonding effect on people, so take advantage of that and get creative.For our anniversary, we’re going to go on a zip-lining tour! How’s that for excitement?! ;-) One of our favorite ways to try new things is to experience new foods and places together. We love to explore places we’ve never been, such as other towns, state parks and such. It’s a doable version of the out-of-the-country travel that we have enjoyed so much. Exploring England (where he proposed), Mexico (where our honeymoon cruise was) and Canada (where we crossed the border briefly on a cross-country move) have become some of our favorite memories!

10. Make Family Traditions: When you are trying new things and you discover something you love, make it into your own family tradition! Did you discover a campground you love? Go every summer! Were you surprised that you both enjoy cooking Thai food? Make a once-a-month date to cook ethnic foods together! Were you excited about a local farmer’s market? Make it a family event every week or two!We like doing a traditional turkey dinner for Thanksgiving, but for Christmas, we get creative. Foreign foods, a buffet of gourmet treats or some other unusual meal graces our table. It’s a fun family tradition that we enjoy planning and then creating together.

As I said before, every marriage is different, so while you might look at a happily married couple to inspire you, don’t try to become them. Blend your own unique personalities, passions and talents to create a one-of-a-kind masterpiece!

What are your favorite marriage strengthening tips?

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