Lately, there’s been a string of “things you shouldn’t say” posts.  I know — it makes everyone feel good to gripe, and these posts get a lot of traffic.

They’re just so negative though.  When I read them, I usually think that about 80% of the things on the list are said by someone who doesn’t really know what to say, and really has good intentions.  Rarely do I read the lists and think that people just have no tact.  I do think a few people are just a mite oversensitive….

I refuse to add to the negativity out there.  So instead, I’m going to give you a list of things that you should say to moms.

Moms have a rough job sometimes.  And an amazing job in general.  It’s awesome to give a mom a nod, especially if she’s having a tough day.  Curious what you should say?

1. Smile

Just smile at her.  Even if you have no clue what to say, smile.  She’ll get the point — you’re happy, you’re on her side, and you want to make her feel good.  A smile can communicate so much, and it can make someone feel so relieved and so much more relaxed.  Smile as much as you can!

2. “You’re doing a great job.”

Moms don’t hear this very much, and all of them would like to hear it.  Sometimes it feels like you’re messing up everything and you feel like everyone thinks you’re a loser as a mom.  When you say “You’re doing great,” moms feel so relieved, and so grateful that someone noticed.  This especially effective if a mom looks frazzled or like she’s having a tough day.

3. “Your kids are wonderful.”

When your kids are being…kids, which sometimes means being a little louder or rambunctious than ideal, it’s so nice to hear that they’re still very nice little people.  Or, if they’ve done something great, it’s nice to know others noticed, too.  Sometimes kids are ignored because they’re kids, and it’s awesome to recognize them.

4. “You look nice today.”

Some moms are always put together and feeling beautiful.  Many aren’t.  (I’m not…can you relate?)  It’s nice to hear that you look good even if you haven’t spent an hour on your appearance!  And don’t qualify this with “…for a mom.”  She looks great…period.

5. “You can do this.”

If she’s agonizing over a big parenting decision, or is worried about leaving her child at preschool for the first time, let her know you think she’s strong, and she can handle anything.

6. “Being a mom is wonderful.”

Let her know that what she’s doing (being a mom) is awesome.  There’s so much judgment of moms these days, and so many people looking down on women who are “just a mom.”  Let her know being a mom matters!

7. “This, too, shall pass.  Don’t worry about it.”

This is best said if her kid is having a public meltdown or something similar.  Let her know it’s okay, and you understand.  Moms often get glares of judgment when their children are less-than-perfect in public.  Give her some encouragement instead.

8. “Let me help.”

Lots of moms have been out with a toddler grabbing every candy display, an older child arguing, and a wailing baby, while frantically trying to unload a grocery cart so they just get home.  Step in and offer to help her!  Unload the grocery cart for her.  Distract the toddler or older child with a story.  She will be grateful for it.

9. Talk to her kids

Some kids are really outgoing.  Mine love to walk up to perfect strangers and introduce themselves and talk about whatever’s currently on their minds.  If you have a minute, engage them!  Say hello, “that sounds fun” or another encouraging comment.

10. “Enjoy these days, they go so quickly.”

I know — some moms hate to hear this.  But I really find that this gives me perspective.  When I’m caught up in a frustrating moment and another woman smiles and says this, I stop and remember that this moment won’t last very long at all, and that it really doesn’t matter and the grand scheme of things.  I like being able to get that little bit of perspective when I’m struggling.  So I say, keep saying it.  Because it does go by so fast.

What are the best things that have ever been said to you?

Last week I wrote a post all about Mommy Judgment on the internet.  It was pretty well received.

But, there was one intriguing comment, from someone who told me I really ought to clean my floors before snapping a picture.  Apparently if my floors aren’t clean, she can’t take me seriously.  (I’d suggest to everyone that if you won’t follow a blogger who doesn’t have their life together and their home immaculate and who is perfect, that you really ought to just stop following bloggers altogether.  They are just as real as you are.  They do not have it all together.  They do grab a camera and snap an adorable picture of their baby even with smudges from the toddler’s recent snack still on the floor.)

There was unbelievable irony in being judged on a post about not judging people, and my readers had plenty to say about it!  I’m really not trying to call this person out (hence not using any names or quotes), I was just really struck by the situation.  It also inspired me to write this post, which I’ve been thinking about for a long time.  How to judge others.  Yes, really.

We Can Judge Others?

I’ve had it happen on a couple separate occasions that I was judged by someone I knew in real life.  It was done privately.  It was done gently.  As I said, I knew the person.  But I still didn’t agree with either occasion.  For one, the person and I didn’t have what you’d call a close relationship.  For another, I didn’t think the circumstances warranted it.  (If you’re curious, in one instance, I was asked not to breastfeed in front of men, even completely covered, for fear they might realize what I was doing and get ideas.  Umm…they could do the exact same thing if I left the room with a crying baby, if they were using their imaginations alone.)

But, that’s not to say that judgment is completely bad.

If your friend was doing drugs, wouldn’t you think it was okay to judge her, say that doing drugs is bad, and try to get her some help?  Or if your friend was suffering from postpartum depression…was a hoarder…was cheating on her husband?

I think we can agree that there is a time and a place for judgment!

The internet is not and will never be it.  Judging casual acquaintances is still wrong.  Judging over different parenting choices is still wrong.  We are not talking about that kind of judgment.  But, sometimes there is something serious happening and yes, you need to judge, and you need to get involved.

I’m especially posting this because I think that some Christians take the judging a little too far.  I’ve done it myself!  But, it’s a criticism levied against us pretty regularly.  Yes, it is Biblical to judge others.  But it must be done very, very carefully.

How to Judge Others

This is the most important part.  How to actually do it.  If you do it wrong, it’s no better than the sanctimonious internet judging that goes on.  If you must do it, please follow these careful steps.

Question the Relationship

The most important part: do you have a relationship with this person?  How close are you?  If the person you are judging is your mom, your sister, your best friend…it’s likely that you should be the one to get involved.  If it’s your neighbor, that woman you talk to at your son’s karate class, or a friend you see at church every now and then, it’s probably not a good idea.  You must have a close relationship with this person.  You must have a foundation of love and caring built, so that when you approach the person, they see that love and care shining through your concern.  This is an absolute must.

Question the Issue

Is this really something you have to bring up?  Is it truly an issue of concern?  If your friend is struggling with postpartum depression, there’s no question — she needs help and you need to bring it up.  But if it’s a gray area, like what constitutes ‘oversharing’ on social media, maybe this isn’t something you really need to say.  (In the ‘oversharing’ case, maybe you just lightly say “I really like to only post ____” and leave it at that.)  If it’s a controversial issue, then you need to be really careful.  Maybe you feel very passionately that children ought to be homeschooled, vaccinated, not circumcised, or whatever, but does she need to share your passion?  These are not issues that you can bring up and tell her she is wrong.  You can gently suggest “Have you considered…” but you cannot actually judge.  So before you do, prayerfully consider if you really should.

Question the Timing

When you approach is critical too.  Right after church or karate class when everyone’s rushing around isn’t good (not to mention it’s pretty public). At the very end of a play date isn’t a good idea either.  Or, even when she’s struggling through a stressful time in her life (unless that’s what you need to approach her about — a mom with PPD is going through a stressful time but that’s not a reason to wait to help her!) might not be so great.  It’s important that you have plenty of time to talk, that everyone is calm and relaxed, and that you are in private.  Judgment should never, ever be public.  That’s not loving concern; that’s an attack.  Choose a private location in which the person will feel comfortable and relaxed to talk.

Question the Approach

If it’s serious enough to say, it’s serious enough to approach gently.  Don’t jump right in when you talk meet them.  Ask how they are, talk about something neutral.  Then, pause for a moment, and preface what you are about to say.  ”I need to talk to you about something serious.  I hope you know I love you and I’m only coming to you with this because I’m concerned about you.”  Then share your concerns gently, explain carefully.  Do not judge the struggle or issue harshly (ironic since we’re “judging” right?).  Use lots of ‘I’ statements if possible.  ”I’ve noticed you seem really unhappy lately, and you’ve seemed to be struggling since the birth of your child.  I’m concerned you may be struggling from postpartum depression, and I’d like to get you some help.”

This is no time for shame.  If, for example, your friend is cheating on her husband, you would not say “I know you’re cheating.  That’s so horrible, how do you think he feels?”  You might say, “Are you unhappy in your marriage?  I’ve seen some signs that you may be seeing someone else, and I’m concerned that you might be struggling.  Do you need someone to talk to?  I’m happy to listen, or I can help you find a marriage counselor if you’re interested.”  This is gentle help.

Is Judging Really Judging?

What I’m describing here sure doesn’t look like the “judgment” we are used to.  We’re used to hearing that word and thinking something nasty, harsh, and critical.  We aren’t used to judgment being gentle, loving, and out of genuine concern.

But, you know, that’s what judgment should be.  Judging isn’t really judging as we know it.

The above tips are what my reader (that I mentioned in the beginning of the post) missed.  She meant well.  But we don’t have a relationship, she said it publicly, and it wasn’t an issue that really needed to be brought up (we all have different cleanliness ‘standards’ and that’s okay!  Now, had my place been filled with piles of garbage in all directions, well…).

What we can take away from this is, if you know someone who is close to you is struggling in some way, it’s totally within your rights to approach that person and lovingly, carefully speak into their life and offer some help.  It’s what we need to do sometimes, as brothers and sisters.  You know — someone you love so much that you’re willing to tell them what they need to hear, not what they want to hear.

If you’re judging harshly, in anger, of someone you don’t know very well — don’t.  It’s not your place.

Have you faced judgment before, or judged someone else?  Did it go the ‘right’ way or the ‘wrong’ way?

Are you perfect?

Sometimes I wish I were.  Life would be so much easier!  I’d always know the right thing to say, I’d always be prepared for any situation, I’d be endlessly patient, I’d have all the answers….

Sometimes I act like I have all the answers anyway.  But I don’t.

Who’s in the same boat I am?  You’re confused sometimes, you need some help, you sort of wish you were perfect or at least that others kind of thought you were….  It would be nice.  But thankfully, it doesn’t have to be that way.

Help for Real Mothers

We’re all real mothers, though, not fantasy-perfect mothers.  We don’t know what the answer is, we get mad, we find ourselves at a loss on how to deal with kid behavior.  (We are dealing with “creative story telling,” AKA “lying” right now.  I’m told this is common in older preschoolers to younger elementary kids.  I wish there was a magic answer to that but all the experienced moms around me tell me to keep talking about the difference between true and not true, and reminding the kids that if they tell me things that aren’t true, I can’t be sure whether or not to believe them.  And that this, too, shall pass.  I hope.)

If you’ve ever found yourself in a situation like this before — kids going through some phase and you’re not sure how to proceed and are just hoping it doesn’t last forever — you’ll enjoy this.

There is an excellent collection of books on motherhood, over 35 of them, on sale right now.  The collection is worth over $500 but you can buy it for just $29.97, only through tonight.

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More on some of the excellent infant-care resources here.

Buy it now.

Today is your very last chance for this, though.  If motherhood is at the top of your priority list and you could use some advice from “been there, done that” moms, you won’t find it at this price again.

What is your biggest challenge in motherhood?

Is a bucket list really health or wellness?  I think it is.

We all spend so much time rushing around, trying to get everything done.  We work a lot.  We go from activity to activity.  Maybe sometimes we need a little less work-and-run, and a little more fun.

With that in mind, we’ve created our summer bucket list.  A list of fun, usually simple activities that we want to do, some multiple times.  Some are sort of learning activities, but some are just plain fun.  Many will make for lazy mornings or afternoons (at least for the kids!).

This is also part of my plan to enjoy the kids more.  They will not be little for long.  I don’t want to look back and remember telling them “Go play, Mommy has to work.”  I want to look back and remember that I spent a lot of time with them.  We’ve actually been pretty busy knocking things off this list already, and it’s only the middle of June, so I’d say we’re doing pretty well.

The List

Go to the Beach

We have a lake beach about 20 minutes away from us.  We’d like to go at least a couple of times this summer!  The kids love to play in the water (there are even tiny waves lapping at the shore), dig in the sand, and hit the playground nearby.

Go Wading in a Creek

We have a couple of creeks in mind.  Or really, it’s one creek, but it’s long and there are two different parks and “spots” to wade in.  We’ll hit both at different times, and they’ll bring fishing nets and bathing suits.  Last time we wandered back near one creek (a few weeks ago), my daughter “accidentally” fell in and then “had” to do a little swimming!  They love this.

Water Fountains

We have lots of nice water fountains near us, so we’ll go to the closest ones several times (already been once) and the further ones at least once.  We haven’t been to the further ones (about 30 min. away) since 2009, I think!  It’s been awhile.  But we will make it this year.

A rare picture of my husband! Family trip to The Works.

The Works

This is a children’s museum near us.  We’ve already been twice, but I’d like to go at least once a month.  They have neat little workshops for preschool – early elementary kids, plus lots of great hands-on activities.  On our last visit, over the weekend, a guy had a Lego robotics car that could pick up these little objects, and he let the kids drive it around a bit.

The Library

I’d like to start going to the library at least every other week.  We’ll get our favorite stories to read together before bed and participate in some of the library’s summer programs.

Blueberry Picking

In July, we’ll go blueberry picking!  The kids will mostly be running around outside and eating, of course, but we’ll go and enjoy ourselves, and all the fresh blueberries.  We’ll take a bunch home to freeze for later in the year too.  They are probably our favorite.

Get Ice Cream

We are lucky to have a place called Jeni’s Ice Cream near us.  It’s made with grass-fed cream and organic, local ingredients.  We go for birthdays and more in the summer, for fun.  We’ve already been twice!  (Both good and bad, they just opened one up really close to us.  Like  5 minutes away.  We used to have to drive 20 or so, and went much less often.)  My oldest son is already looking forward to going for his birthday in about a month — he’ll be 4.

See the Fireworks

I always loved seeing fireworks when I was a kid.  I hope to take our kids this summer to watch them.  I took all three by myself last year and we sat on a blanket and stayed up late and watched them.  It was interesting, because I had a new walker then.

See Friends

This summer, we intend to have lots of playdates — both ones we host, and ones we attend.  We’re hoping to host a Messy Art Day soon!  We will also have friends join us for many of the above activities.

A bit blurry, but a cute picture of our first zoo trip!

Go to the Zoo

We have a membership so we plan to go to the zoo once or twice a month.  We’ve already been three times this year.  There’s a new dinosaur exhibit, but non-walkers can go (it’s a boat ride) and younger kids have to have one adult per child.  We hope to go back with grandparents soon so that all of us can enjoy the new exhibit!

Go to the Farmer’s Market

We pick up most of our farm items directly from a farmer, but we’ll go to the market once or twice, to wander around, and pick up a few interesting-looking items.  Most likely I’ll choose to set aside about $10 from our grocery budget and we’ll let the kids help us pick whatever they want (with some gentle guidance!  Something we can all eat, not a pastry for one person) and work on our math skills, and cook together when we get home.

Why a Bucket List?

These are all super fun activities that I can’t wait to do with the kids.  Several we have already done, and will do again!  If I didn’t have a list of activities I want to do, I’d let the lazy summer days slip right on by without doing anything, and I’d miss out on all the fun of the water games, the zoo animals, the fresh seasonal produce, and more.  We want to love the summer and enjoy our time together!

In the fall, we’ll have a brand new bucket list….

What’s on your summer bucket list?

Image by Amy Garrett Photography

New moms are often exhausted, and uncertain.  Babies can cry from hardly at all, to seemingly all the time.  It’s hard on parents when babies cry a lot — we’re programmed to want to fix it and sometimes that’s not so easy.  After the usual changing, feeding, and sleeping have been tried, what’s left?

Lots of stuff, as it happens.  But these things may not be so obvious, especially to the inexperienced parent.  I’ve learned a lot of interesting reasons why babies cry with my four, and through talking to several other experienced mothers.  The reasons may surprise you — but hopefully result in a more peaceful home!

Image by Amy Garrett Photography

Why Do Babies Cry?

Babies cry to communicate.  For the first few weeks, it is the only thing they can do.  By the time they are two months old or so, they can also communicate through squirming, grimacing, smiling, cooing, etc.  When babies intensely stare at you and coo and smile, they are trying to tell you something!

Babies do not cry “to exercise their lungs.”  They do not cry for the sake of crying.  They cry because they need something from you.  Until they are much older (6 to 8 months at least) they do not cry for “wants” because they have no concept of this.  They only have real needs.  Older babies and toddlers can certainly cry because they don’t get what they want, or even fake cry to try to get their way!  But what a 2-year-old does and what a young baby does are very different.

Today I’m focusing on young babies.  They can be the most mystifying for parents because they have such limited ways to tell you what’s wrong, and when they’re really new, it’s hard to even know what’s normal!

The most important thing to understand is that babies cry for a reason.  They never cry “just because.”  If you believe that, then your job is to be a detective and figure out the reason.

Uncommon Reasons

Obviously, parents should check the obvious first — hungry, tired, wet diaper.  But if these don’t work, there are plenty of other reasons why babies cry!

Overly Hungry

Sometimes a baby refuses to eat even though it seems likely that s/he is hungry.  It can happen, especially during growth spurts, that s/he is so frustrated with milk not letting down fast enough that he will not nurse despite true hunger.  Getting skin-to-skin with baby or getting into a bath together can relax baby enough to actually eat patiently, and thus, stop crying.

Overly Tired

An overtired baby can’t settle down.  Check out my tips on getting babies to sleep for more ideas on how to solve this problem.  Little babies with not much coordination might not show “typical” signs of sleepiness, like yawning, eye-rubbing, etc.  By three months tiredness signs should be more obvious.  Some babies struggle more with tiredness than others.  When I am very tired, I feel very twitchy and have trouble settling down, and I have noticed that in one of my babies too.  The ‘twitchiness’ is hard because he can’t calm himself down to sleep very easily.

Gas Pains

Some babies struggle with gas pains.  Squirming a lot is usually a sign of discomfort and this may be the reason why.  Bicycling baby’s legs or offering gripe water can help with this, as well as burping.

Food Allergies

Some babies go beyond ‘normal’ gas pains and scream during or after feedings.  They may squirm and act as though in agony.  They may latch on to nurse and choke (even though there’s not too much milk or anything to cause choking) and pop off to scream.  They may refuse to eat, even though they seem hungry.  They may spit up or even vomit.  They may seem overly gassy or have diarrhea too.  It can be extreme or it can be subtle.  If baby is fussy about eating and is sleeping fitfully or not all, crying, gassy, and squirming with discomfort, then a food allergy may be the culprit.

Uncomfortable Clothing

Sometimes, a baby’s clothing is uncomfortable, even if it doesn’t seem like it should be.  Some babies are very sensitive to textures, and they may not like the feel of certain types of fabric.  Or, the clothing could be on the small side and feel too constricting.  Or a thread could be caught around a toe.  A diaper could be strapped too tightly.  Try removing the clothing, loosening the diaper, changing to a different outfit.  Baby could be too hot or cold in the clothing, too.  One of mine will cry if the outfit is too cold even if wrapped in a blanket.

Boredom

Baby can’t go anywhere, but by a month or so, s/he is awake and can smile and would like to interact with you.  Since baby can’t do much, it’s easy to simply sit him nearby or curl him in your arms and go about your day.  But sometimes baby wants to play!  My older two boys would cry until someone talked to them and were never quite settled until they were mobile and could amuse themselves.  Nathan loves to “talk” (more than any little baby I have seen!) and wants to be facing someone so he can ‘play’ with them.  If awake, he hates to be worn because he can’t see anything.

Misalignment in the Spine

Birth is a really tight squeeze and worse if pushing is extended.  Baby’s head can be molded and the spine can become misaligned.  A good pediatric chiropractor or cranial sacral therapist can help correct these issues and relieve any pressure or pain baby is feeling.  Although we haven’t had this in our little babies, we know people who have.  Also, one of our older ones sometimes has accidents if his spine is misaligned, and a quick adjustment fixes this.

Mommy Doesn’t Smell Right

Babies know who their mother is initially by smell.  At birth, your breasts produce an oily substance that smells the same as the amniotic fluid, which is how baby instinctually finds your breast — the smell on his/her hands leads to the same smell on the breasts.  Some babies that I have known would cry if anything covered up their mother’s natural scent, because it confused them.  That means perfumes, lotions, strong soaps, etc.  Some moms found if they took a shower with mild-smelling soap that their babies would stop crying.

Overwhelmed

Some babies don’t like chaos and noise, and if there is a lot around them, they become overwhelmed.  This might be seen at a party, if everyone wants to give the baby a snuggle.  Remove the baby from the busy room and head somewhere quiet, and snuggle baby yourself.  This usually stops this sort of crying.

This is not an exhaustive list, but some additional ideas to help you figure out why your baby is unhappy!

Natural Mothering

There are two days left to buy the Natural Mothering bundle and get access to over 35 excellent resources for $29.97.

We’ll be looking into the chore charts and systems.  Our kids already clean pretty well, but we’d like to get regular chores more organized and begin a rewards system with them.  You’ll find tips and hints on how to do this in the bundle.

For my older kids, I was also looking at The Family Dinner Project.  The recipes are not truly real food (they use a lot of white flour, Jell-o, stuff like that), but the ideas for themed dinners are super cute.  June’s is for a picnic and I think we’ll borrow it!  My kids love picnics.

What is the most unusual reason your babies have cried, and how did you help them?

When I first started blogging, over 3 1/2 years ago now, I wasn’t prepared for the onslaught of Mommy Judgment I encountered.  When you put something out there, some people think it’s perfectly acceptable to lash out and judge it, sometimes very harshly.  I’ve been told I’m a terrible mother, my kids should be taken away, I don’t love them, and lots more — all over silly things like what I ought to be feeding them or what medical decisions I ought to make.

It was really hurtful at first.  I wanted to argue, yell, justify myself, explain to people how I felt and why I made the choices I did.  I sought their approval!

Anyone who’s ever participated in any online discussion has experienced this.  Everyone has felt judged and angry and engaged in a fight with strangers over the “right” parenting choice.  It’s silly — but I understand why it happens.

Parenting is Stressful

Although I love being a mother and wouldn’t trade it for anything, I admit it can be very stressful.

Parenting is the only job that is 24/7, with no vacation days, no sick days, no regular breaks, and the inability to quit.  Once you have children, that’s it.  Any other job, no matter how stressful when you’re “on” allows you time away, breaks, vacations, and you can choose to quit if it isn’t for you.

When we are under a lot of stress, we sometimes say and do things we never imagined.  As parents, we may do or say things by accident or by design (if faced with circumstances we never imagined) that seem unbelievable, that in a perfect world would never occur.  And these things might be as innocent as choosing to share a bed with your baby when you always considered yourself an “I need my space” person, or it could be as dark as screaming or hurting your child.  Everyone faces something unexpected.

Parenting also brings up our feelings about our own childhood.  We think we ought to be “over” it sometimes.  We think we can be as good as our parents.  We think a lot of things — that may not necessarily play out as we’d imagined.

Really, in many ways, we feel deeply insecure about parenting.  We really don’t know the “right” answer in many cases.  We hope we’re doing a good enough job and not screwing up too much.  We have constantly conflicting feelings about if we’re really on the right path, or if another way might be better.  After all, parenting is also the most important job.  You only get one shot at it, and the effects will literally make someone else’s life.

Then, you put a bunch of overwhelmed, tired, stressed-out parents in a virtual room together, where they cannot see anyone else and it feels like words on a screen.  And it all breaks loose.

Nathan at 11 weeks. Irrelevant, but adorable!

Seeking Approval

We’re programmed to seek approval.  We want people to like us and agree with us.  We want validation that we’re doing this mothering thing pretty well, even if we’re not perfect.  We want understanding.

And so, someone “puts it out there” with a question or a thought about mothering.  This discussion quickly evokes strong feelings in others, especially if it’s on a controversial topic (breast vs. formula, homeschooling vs. public school, vaccines, etc.), but sometimes even if it seems innocuous.  I’ve seen people fight viciously over whether or not it’s okay for a toddler to eat a lollipop!

It’s easy to read someone’s words online, not being able to tell “tone” or mood, and misinterpret them.  Everybody reads comments and articles through their own lense of experience.  Things that maybe weren’t intended to be upsetting, are.  And if there’s something that you’re personally struggling with, that you might already be uncertain of, or feel guilty about, it’s easy to feel judged even if that was not the intention.

When someone feels judged, they lash out.  They judge others.  They’re trying to justify their own choices in many cases to make themselves feel better.  They may be conflicted: “Did I make the right choice?  Was there something I didn’t know, something else I should have tried?”  They may even feel guilty that they can’t “do it all,” even though that is impossible.  It’s made worse by the fog of sleep deprivation, stress, and so on too.

When we feel judged, it’s hard to think “To each his own.”  Even if we believe that, we don’t feel very charitable when others don’t seem to reciprocate that belief.  I once got myself in big trouble a few years ago for saying “If anything, it’s parents who do vaccinate that are abusing their kids.”  I didn’t and don’t believe any such thing!  But I was feeling very, very hurt that someone suggested that I was abusing my kids because I had made a different choice than they had.

Living in a Fish Bowl

More than ever before, we parent in a fish bowl, so to speak.  Where before public parenting only occurred in public places, it now occurs on the internet.

We blog about parenting (like I am right now).  We share pictures and Facebook updates.  We participate in message boards.  We are all, to some extent, in the spotlight.

The best and worst part about it is putting our best moments out there.  We might inspire someone else, or give someone joy to see our happiness.  Family and friends who don’t live close can watch our families grow!

On the other hand, we get a skewed perspective.  We don’t see the bad parts, the tense moments.  Nobody says “I screamed at my kids all morning and threatened to take all their clothes and toys away if they don’t keep them off my floors because I didn’t get any sleep last night” even if that’s what happened.  We can be left feeling isolated, like *we* are the only mom struggling.

It’s even worse because I’ve noted that sometimes if a mom does post something negative about her kids/parenting, some think social media isn’t the place for that, and judge her for having done it.  She’s more likely to put on a “happy face” and only post positive updates in the future, even if she’s struggling, for fear of being judged again.

Who’s to say what the right answer is?  Our children will be the first to grow up with such a heavy social media presence.  There are no guidelines here.  We don’t know how it will affect them.  Likely it will depend on the individual.

It’s Not You, It’s Them

Every person out there is a messy, complicated individual, with a messy, complicated family life.  Everyone has their own experiences and set of strong beliefs.  Everyone has bad days, hypocritical moments, and harsh thoughts.

Put millions of complicated people all together, and you get The Mommy Wars.

But truly, it’s not you, it’s them.  If someone judges you, especially if they are harsh or rude, it’s not about you.  It’s about their own complicated feelings.  You don’t have to answer.  You don’t have to justify yourself.  You don’t need their approval!

It’s hard to be judged.  It’s hurtful.  But next time it happens, don’t snap back.  Don’t say something in anger you’ll later regret.  Don’t seek approval from those who don’t really matter.  Walk away, take a deep breath, and remember this:

I am a good mom.  I am a unique person and so are my kids.  No one else has quite the same situation.  No one else can fully understand.  I do the best job and make the best choices I can.  I love my kids and they love me.  This is what matters; others’ opinions do not.

Go be a great mom.

And don’t forget about the Natural Mothering Bundle.  There are just three days left to buy!

What do you think about the Mommy Judgment?  Have you ever felt judged…or dished it out?

**This post contains affiliate links.**

When my first baby was born, I moved through a haze of exhausted uncertainty.  Why was she crying?  What should I do about it?  What about diapers?  What about everything?

I decided just two weeks before she was born that I wanted to try out cloth.  I had no idea where to start, and I decided since I had rudimentary sewing skills, I was going to try to sew them.  I didn’t know what pattern or type was best, and I had no idea just how small a newborn’s bottom really is.  I sewed one diaper out of scrap material and looked at it dubiously…it looked too small to ever fit a newborn.  (It was way too big until she was at least three months old, by the way.)  I didn’t figure out cloth, really, until she was about a year old.

Then there was breastfeeding.  And crying.  I assumed it would all be easy!  When she was four days old, she would not nurse.  She would cry, I would try to feed her, but she wouldn’t latch.  I just assumed that if she were hungry, she would latch and eat!  But she would turn away and cry instead, so I thought that must not be it.  Eventually she was inconsolable (some 6 hours later…) and I paced the floor and held her while she cried and cried with her.  Then I called the doctor to ask what to do.  They said feed her, anything….  I gave her formula, which she drank quickly and then finally fell asleep.  I cried more.  I felt terrible.  It took us 6 weeks to eventually get the hang of it.

Knowing what your infant needs isn’t easy.  Even if you know, figuring out how to navigate the minefield of options to meet that need isn’t easy!

Getting to Know Your Infant

Thankfully, I am not in the new-mother-what-next phase anymore.  Caring for my fourth newborn has been a comparative breeze, because even if I don’t know exactly what he needs, I have experience and a framework for figuring it out.  I know what to do to find the answer.

I often think back to my first baby, though, and ruefully say, “I wish I’d known then what I know now.”  I would have been a better mother for her.  And I do regret that to some extent, she’ll always be my ‘experiment’ just because she is my first and everything is new!

But what I’ve learned is to get help from other experienced mothers.  When we see some new and puzzling behavior, I ask around — “Are your kids going through this?  Did they go through it?  How long did it last?  What did you do?”  I know that the wisdom and knowledge of mothers before me can help guide me through some phases, and that we can both come out better on the other side because I have a clue on what to do.

That sort of “cheat sheet” is awesome to have — knowing what’s coming next, what to expect, and having strategies for handling it.  Or even just having a heads up so I don’t get stressed and freak out that it’s only my kid doing it!

What if you could have one…before your baby was even born?

The Natural Mothering Bundle provides exactly that.  There are a bunch of books in this collection that serve as your cheat sheet to your new baby.

Creative Ways to Calm Your Baby, by Justyn Lang

Sometimes, you don’t know why your baby is crying.  Sometimes, I don’t know why my baby is crying and he is my fourth!  In those cases, you need every trick possible to help your baby calm down until you can figure out what the problem is and address it if possible.  Don’t guess, don’t stress, read this guide so that when you find yourself with an inconsolable baby, you have some ideas what to do next.

Confessions of a Cloth Diaper Convert, by Erin Odom

Remember what I said about how confusing I found cloth diapers at first?  They are totally overwhelming.  Whereas with disposables, you go to the store and buy a package with the appropriate weight range on it (and it’ll basically fit anyway if you’re close), cloth has so many options.  They fit differently based on the size and shape of your baby, they are made of different materials, they require different care and use, and so much more.  But they are not complicated, once you get the hang of it.  I love cloth and we’ve used it almost exclusively since my oldest was about a year old, and most of the time from about 3 months on.  It’s just nice to have something to answer all your initial questions so you don’t spend a year figuring it out, like I did.  In this 200-page guide, you’ll find everything you need to know.

EC Simplified, by Andrea Olson

Some of you may not want to use diapers at all.  Yes, that is possible: it’s called Elimination Communication.  Some babies, from birth, will squirm and fuss just before they pee or poo, and some absolutely hate being in a wet or soiled diaper and will scream immediately until they are changed.  A great solution to this can be EC, where the parent picks up on the baby’s cues and “potties” them instead of using a diaper.  Many babies seem more content with this and even are officially potty trained (independently) between 12 and 18 months.  It’s not something I’ve ever tackled — I’ll keep my cloth diapers, thanks! — but a lot of ‘natural’ mamas love it.  It’s a bit of a daunting idea at first, and this book can help explain the method and answer all your questions.

The Thinking Parents’ Guide to Vaccination, by Kresha Faber

To say this is a thorny issue is a huge understatement.  Parents today are so concerned about vaccines — should I get them?  Which ones?  On what schedule? — and there’s a huge lack of good information about them.  Everyone in the mainstream says “they’re safe, get all of them, get them on schedule, end of story.”  But that’s simply not the end of the story!  There is just so much more out there.  Read one mother’s research and many other (medical/mainstream as well as alternative) sources to continue your search.

Breast to Bib, by Kate Tietje

I get a lot of questions along the lines of “What should I feed my baby and when?”  I wrote this book to answer those questions.  We did the usual rice-cereal-at-four-months with my oldest and it did not go well.  We dealt with allergies, severe pickiness (at one point she would only eat four foods), and a whole host of other problems.  With our second and third, we delayed solids until 7 – 8 months and started with foods like avocado, meats, and eggs.  This book lays out everything from basic breastfeeding, what to do if you can’t, how and when to introduce solids, what to offer, to dealing with picky kids, food allergies, and 30 delicious, kid-friendly recipes.  Our favorite (healthy) chicken nuggets, quesadillas, guacamole, and pigs-in-a-blanket are in here!

Breastfeeding Simply, by Pinky McKay, IBCLC

Breastfeeding isn’t easy, as I shared above.  It took me 6 weeks to figure it out with my oldest, during which time I pumped and fed her with a bottle just so she could eat!  We eventually made it work and continued to breastfeed for a long time, but the beginning wasn’t easy.  One thing I should have done, but didn’t, was seek the advice of an IBCLC, someone who is trained in breastfeeding.  This can be expensive (though it’s sometimes covered by insurance and worth it if you are really struggling!), so a good initial solution is to read this book!  It can help to troubleshoot basic problems, let others know how they can help you, and tell you when you really need to see someone for in-person help.

A Practical Guide to Children’s Health, by Kate Tietje

The abridged version is included in the bonuses section, and there’s a coupon code for 50% off the full version if you buy this collection.  The majority of the questions I get are from concerned parents, dealing with health issues in their children.  I’m not a doctor, but I do have a curious mind.  I spent weeks of 8 – 10 hour days reading through medical journals and working to answer parents’ questions about health.  It covers vaccines, allergies, common childhood illnesses (and remedies for them), an herbal remedies guide, sleep, safety, and much more.  It’s 150 pages and over 300 primary sources all about keeping your kids healthy.

These 7 books cover a wide range of topics to help you mother your infant with more knowledge and to feel more confident in the decisions that you’re making.  There are 30 other resources in this incredible package as well.

If you’d like to help support improving breastfeeding rates, check out this project.  It’s a Kickstarter fund raiser to create an exhibit to support breastfeeding, and they still need to raise over $1500 by tomorrow!  Can you help?

The Collection Details

This “cheat sheet” library is available only through Monday, June 17th.  It contains over 35 books and costs just $29.97.

If you wish you had “the answers” to motherhood, there are none.  But there is help, from moms who have been there.  Read all the details (including the awesome bonus offers) and if you could benefit, buy it.

What do you wish you’d known when you first became a mom, or what questions do you have now?

Last week I posted a delicious recipe for Chicken Broccoli Baked Potato Soup.  If you haven’t seen it, go back and look.

I reminded you to save the potato skins.  I did!  This is a great way to be frugal in the kitchen, to get two meals out of one set of potatoes.  Scoop the potatoes for the soup a little bit lightly and save them for this use.  They will keep in the fridge for a few days after soup-making if you don’t want this right away.  It’s just a wonderful use of “leftovers” that you would otherwise throw away.  With the way my kids eat, I need all the help I can get!

Luckily, these are also super simple to make.  And yummy.  Serve them alone as a snack, or serve them as a side dish to grilled summer burgers, or as a game-day appetizer, if you happen to be into sports.  I’m told they’re popular there…although I wouldn’t know.

If you don’t have leftover skins, simply bake your potatoes for about an hour (with holes poked in them, please, so they don’t explode!), allow them to cool enough to handle, slice lengthwise, and scoop out most of the flesh.  Then go use that for the soup.  Either way you get the soup!

Ingredients:

• 4 – 6 medium potatoes, wash, poked, and baked
• 2 tbsp. butter
• 4 oz. shredded cheddar cheese
• 2 – 3 strips of bacon, cooked until crisp
• Green onions, sour cream, etc. for serving

Directions:

Scoop the skins out and lay them on a baking tray.

Put a small piece of butter into each of them, about 1/2 tsp.

Stick this in the oven at 350 for 5 – 10 minutes until the butter is melted.  Then put the shredded cheese in them.  As you can see, I chose to cut up my cheese in small bits instead of shredding it all.  It was easier, with the 2-lb. block I had.  Any smallish pieces are fine.

Stick this back in the oven for another 5 minutes or so, until the cheese is melted.  Alternately, still it under a broiler on low for about the same, until the cheese is melted and they’re slightly browned.

Remove from the oven and top with bacon, green onions, and serve with sour cream, if you like.

How do you like to serve potato skins?

By Sara Baker, Contributing Writer

Summer!

While it may not officially be summer yet…it certainly feels like it in my kitchen! We have been busy creating yummy ice cream recipes (including Strawberries-N-Cream), enjoying watermelons and smoothies, and making popsicles!

Popsicles incontestably say “summer.” While your little ones are slurping down this fun and cold treat, us Mamas can say (not aloud, but maybe to ourselves): “It’s good for you!”

Probiotic Smoothie Popsicles

Ingredients:

• 1 cup plain kefir or yogurt (full fat!)
• 1/2 cup frozen berries (I used mixed berries from Trader Joe’s)
• 1 banana
• 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
• 1-3 Tablespoons of raw honey (or to taste)
• 1-2 Tablespoons whey (optional, will make popsicles more “icy” and perhaps harder for younger children to eat)

Mix all ingredients until smooth in a blender. Make sure there are no chunks. Taste and adjust sweetness if needed.

Pour into popsicle molds and freeze until hard. This recipe makes 5-6 popsicles in my popsicle mold, but it will depend on the size of your molds. I usually make 4 popsicles and give the rest of the mix for my son to slurp down.

I like to use raw milk kefir in this recipe for the probiotics. Yogurt has good probiotics, too. You can play around with fruits that your family prefers or what is available to you. These popsicles are tasty on a hot afternoon and a good alternative to other sweet treats that might not be so health-friendly. They also make good bedtime snacks for Mamas who need a quick bite to eat!

Enjoy your summer!

What are your favorite hot summer treats?

Image by Robert S. Donovan

 By Joanna Rodriguez, Contributing Writer

We’ve been told for ages to slather ourselves and our children with sunscreen. We’ve grown to love the smell of Coppertone because it reminds us of summer and makes us feel nostalgic. And when we get that tube out of the drawer and open it up, we feel like we’re doing something good for our family. 

But many of us are reconsidering.

As the dangers of chemical sunscreen become more and more known, many of us are trying to cut back on our sunscreen use. Here are a few practical tips for how to make that happen without staying inside all summer, and without turning into a lobster.

1. Know Your Skin

Some lucky people can spend all day in the sun and not burn and others burn within 5 minutes. Some of this is within your control (see “Boost Your Vitamin D” below), but some is just your God-given skin tone. So know yourself. Be careful. If you burn easily, you may want to pay special attention to the rest of these guidelines. You, yes you, can do summer without loads of sunscreen.

2. Don’t Be Ashamed of the Shade

If you are going to be outside for several hours, take breaks from the sun by finding a tree or tent or picnic shelter. Bring your kids with you for snack time or a special “shade time.” If they are sad to leave the fun, bring a game or craft they can do in the shade for a little while, and teach them about protecting their skin.

3. Be Careful During Peak Hours

It turns out that the peak hours for burning are also the peak hours for getting vitamin D from the sun. However, that doesn’t mean you need to stay out from 10-3 every day and risk a major burn. I find that as a young mother, I don’t have time to be outside for much of those peak hours anyway. Between lunch and afternoon naps, we are usually inside from at least 12-3. We often go outside during late morning or mid-late afternoon. If we’re lucky, that still falls in the “get your vitamin D” time period, but since we don’t stay out too long, we don’t risk burning. All this to say: find a balance, and figure out what works for your family!

4. Expose Yourself Gradually

Don’t jump into summer sun exposure too quickly, especially if you burn easily! Start with just 15 minutes a day, and gradually build up. This, combined with the next point, will allow you to increase your sun exposure with less worry.

5. Boost Your Vitamin D

This was a shocker when I first heard about it a few years ago: you can protect yourself from sunburn from the inside out! Get adequate vitamin D, and you will not burn as easily. Isn’t the body amazing? One more reason to take that Cod Liver Oil.

6. Wear a Rash Guard

Rash guards are another common sense solution if you are going to be in the sun for a long time at the beach or pool.  Cover up more skin, and if you have to use sunscreen, you won’t need to use as much!

7. Use Coconut Oil

Coconut oil, applied to the skin, can be used as gentle sun protection. In addition, the medium-chain fatty acids in coconut oil protect against sunburn when taken internally with food or as a supplement. So keep some in your kitchen and in your beach bag!

8. Use a Barrier Sunscreen When Necessary

When all else fails, do not turn to a chemical sunscreen for protection. Instead, go for one where the main ingredient is zinc oxide, perhaps in conjunction with titanium dioxide. They place a physical barrier on top of your skin (so they will make you look a little bit pasty white, but it’s worth it) instead of a potentially cancer-causing chemical reaction that seeps deeper and deeper into your body. I’ve used Badger with great results. Yes, it’s more expensive than your typical chemical-laden sunscreen, but if you follow these tips, maybe one tube will get you through the whole summer!

(Read more helpful information about sunscreen and the sun here and here.)

How will you be using less sunscreen this summer?

 Don’t miss out on the Natural Mothering bundle — see all the details here.

Are there any perfect mothers here?

I’m certainly not raising my hand.  If you are, go ahead and skip this post, because it doesn’t apply to you.  (I’m being a bit silly — I think we all know we’re human and we make mistakes!)  If you’re not perfect, then you might want to keep reading.

We have all wished for “the answers” at some point or another.  We have all faced challenges in our mothering journey that just feel hard, maybe even impossible.  And as new mothers, everything feels overwhelming at first!

Moms ask:

• Why can’t I get pregnant?
• What do I do to have a healthy pregnancy?
• What should my baby eat and when?
• Why is my baby crying?
• How can I get dinner on the table when I’m so busy?
• How can I be an attachment parent and still balance the rest of the family’s needs?
• Should I cloth diaper and how?  Is EC better for us?
• How do I potty train my toddler?
• How do I get my kids to pitch in around the house, clean up their messes?
• …and so much more.

Guides to Motherhood

The best guide to motherhood is books written by moms who have been there.  Moms who know what it’s like.  Books written by moms “in the trenches” with you, who maybe have dealt with a particular issue just before you have and can give you the “been there, done that” perspective.

That is exactly what this collection of books is intended to do: be a source of advice and encouragement from moms who have been there, or are there now.  All of the questions above are addressed in this collection.

If you’re overwhelmed with how to get the kids to help out around the house (I’ve gotten a lot of questions about that), you’ll find Easy Peasy Chores and How to Teach Kids to Clean.  These resources can simplify the task of getting kids involved in caring for the home and lightening your burden.

If you’re brand new to cloth diapers and overwhelmed by all they entail, or are considering skipping diapers and doing infant potty training (more commonly called Elimination Communication), you’ll find Confessions of a Cloth Diaper Convert (over 200 pages of detailed information on types of diapers, use, troubleshooting, and more) and EC Simplified, which teaches you all you need to know about what EC is and how to make it work for your family.

If you’re looking for how to make your cleaning and beauty routines easier and healthier, you’ll find Clean, Naturally! and Natural Beauty Recipes.  Learn to make and use simple, non-toxic products for your home and your skin!

We’ve got the resources you need to help your kids be healthier, to raise your children to be polite, caring people, to live more eco-friendly, and to make your home non-toxic.

For 1 week only, get a downloadable package of 35+ e-books specifically designed to encourage and equip mothers to nurture their families (and themselves!) naturally for just $29.97. Since these books together are worth more than $525, this is nearly a 95% discount!

There are also more than a dozen coupon codes and FREE products worth nearly $200 included to help you on your natural living journey!

These e-books reflect the work of 32 well-known Ph.D.’s, fertility specialists, lactation consultants, natural health professionals, authors, and bloggers who are passionate about motherhood and caring for mothers.

This is an intelligent, joy-filled collection that will inspire any mother to feed her beautiful babe well, feel confident in making difficult mothering decisions, and celebrate motherhood (even when it seems overwhelming).

Later this week, I’ll tell you even more about the amazing resources in this bundle, including my favorite ones.

**Note: I am an author and affiliate of this sale, and will receive a commission for any purchases through these ‘buy now’ links.  I appreciate your support!**

The eBooks

Want to meet the authors? Click here to read each author’s bio.

Natural Fertility and Pregnancy

Unbound Birth by Jennifer Yarbrough of Unbound Birth ($2.99)
Fearless Birth by Kristen Burgess of Natural Birth and Baby Care ($17)
Nourishing Foods for Labor and Childbirth (article reprint) by Kresha Faber of Nourishing Joy ($2.99)
My Pregnancy Journey by Mindy of Simply Designs ($9.99)
Fertilise Yourself by Natalie Kringoudis of Melbourne Natural Fertility ($19.95)
Eat Your Way to Parenthood by Gabriela Rosa, MScM, BHSc, ND of Natural Fertility Breakthrough ($35)
Protecting Your Fertility: The Dangers of Conventional Pest Control and Natural Safe Alternatives by Gabriela Rosa, MScM, BHSc, ND of Natural Fertility Breakthrough ($35)
The Awful Truth About Cleaning Products and Fertility Revealed by Gabriela Rosa, MScM, BHSc, ND of Natural Fertility Breakthrough ($35)

Natural Baby and Toddler Care
Breastfeeding Simply by Pinky McKay, ICBLC of PinkyMcKay.com ($25)
First Bites by Hilary Bernstein of Accidentally Green ($9.99)
Breast to Bib by Kate Tietje of Modern Alternative Mama ($8.95)
Confessions of a Cloth Diaper Convert by Erin Odom of The Humbled Homemaker ($9.95)
Creative Ways to Calm Your Baby by Justyn Lang of Creative Christian Mama ($6.99)
EC Simplified: Infant Potty Training Made Easy by Andrea Olson, MA of Go Diaper Free ($30)
oh, crap. potty training by Jamie Glowacki of oh crap. potty training ($15)

Natural Health and Healing
Therapeutic Parenting for Children Who Are Healing from Trauma by Tova Krause Grindlay, CPC of Parent and Family Coaching ($4.99)
Herbal Nurturing by Michele Augur of Frugal Granola ($8.95)
Herbal Remedies for Children During the Cold and Flu Season by Rosalee de la Forêt of Herbal Remedies Advice ($20)
Mother’s Little Herbal Helper and Home Remedies by Natalie Vickery of The Family Herbalist ($12.50)
Questions to Ask Your Dentist by Will and Susan Revak of OraWellness ($29)
Tips and Tricks to Remineralize and Repair Your Teeth by Ramiel Nagel of CureToothDecay.com ($12.95)
The Thinking Parent’s Guide to Vaccines by Kresha Faber of Nourishing Joy ($2.99)
Finding Balance with Attachment Parenting by Andrea Olson, MA of AndreaOlson.com ($17)
Pain Redeemed by Natasha Metzler of NatashaMetzler.com ($4.99)
The Curative Kitchen (updated version) by Susan Smith Jones, Ph.D. of SusanSmithJones.com ($19.95)
Rebuild From Depression: A Nutrient Guide, The Digital Abridged Version by Amanda Rose, Ph.D. of Traditional Foods ($12.95)

Teaching Our Children
Real Food Kids: In the Kitchen plus 1 month access to select Real Food Kids eCourse videos by Wardeh Harmon of GNOWFGLINS & Jami Delgado of Eat Nourishing ($30)
Kids in Training: Life lessons that will help lead to productive, responsible and grateful kids! by Rebecca Dulgarian of Blue Cricket Designs ($7.95)
Life According to Me by Stephanie Dulgarian of Somewhat Simple ($5.95)
The Family Dinner Project by Rebecca Dulgarian & Stephanie Dulgarian ($9.95)
Easy Peasy Chores: Homeschool Edition by Alina Joy Dubois of The Good Old Days Farm ($17.99)
Teaching Kids to Clean by Dana White of A Slob Comes Clean ($5)

Help for Busy Moms
Real {Fast} Food by Trina Holden of TrinaHolden.com ($6)
Crock On by Stacy Myers of Stacy Makes Cents ($5)
Creative Ways to Make Family Holiday Memories by Kit Singleton of Raising Small Souls ($25)

Non-Toxic and Natural Living
Natural Beauty Recipes by Katie of WellnessMama ($10)
Healthy Homemaking by Stephanie Langford of Keeper of the Home ($12.95)
Restocking the Pantry by Kresha Faber of Nourishing Joy ($9.99)
Accidentally Green by Hilary Bernstein of Accidentally Green ($2.99)
Clean, Naturally! by Kresha Faber of Nourishing Joy ($4.99)

The Bonus Resources

Once you have completed payment for the e-book bundle, you will get access not only to the books, but to FREE products and coupon codes for mothering products that will support you in your natural, non-toxic lifestyle.

These special bonus offers include:

Get 10% off any order from Granola Babies, THE go-to shop for everything babywearing and natural-living related. Granola Babies supports mothers around the globe in their mothering journey by providing sustainable hand-selected products, natural and holistic resources, and creating a village of community. (Standard shipping applies.)

Get “2 Months for $2″ ! Enjoy a two-month Membership to Fit2B Studio for only two dollars, where their wholesome workouts for the whole family are “tummy safe” and particularly target Diastasis Recti (split abs), which affects many women postpartum. ($19.98 value.)

Download a $6 coupon for 7 Sources Oil from Flora Health to use the next time you shop! Flora’s newest product, 7 Sources, is a non-GMO, sustainably-sourced fatty-acid product with EPA and DHA, which are essential during pregnancy and nursing and support cognitive function at any time of life! (Value: $6. Good in-store only. US stores only.)

Get $30 off the very popular Online Childbirth Education Program from Birth Boot Camp. You CAN have an amazing birth! The 10-class Birth Boot Camp online video childbirth education program will prepare you for a life-changing birth experience and specializes in educating couples together. You may also choose to receive the FREE Pregnancy Nutrition Report. (Good online or with participating live-class instructors.)

Receive 10% off any order from OraWellness. OraWellness offers tools and educational products to help you take control of your oral health using organic ingredients and inexpensive natural solutions. (Standard shipping applies.)

A Few FREE eBooks and eCourses – no purchase required!

Because we are SO absolutely passionate about getting excellent natural living resources into the hands of every mother (and want-to-be moms and soon-to-be moms!) we’ve compiled a number of e-books that are FREE just for signing up for updates.

There is no purchase required.

Freebies

• Simple & Natural Green Cleaning Guide from A Delightful Home
• How to Be a Natural Mama from Mama Natural
• Secrets of a Successful Homeschooling Mom from Simple Homeschool
• Beautiful Babies mini-ecourse from Food Renegade
• Real Food Nutrition for Kids mini-ecourse from Food Renegade
• The Chemicals in Us from Non-Toxic Kids
• Dealing with Picky Eaters from The Happy Housewife
• How Do I Get My Kids to Cooperate? from Raising Small Souls
• It’s Not About Money from Stacy Makes Cents
• Delightful Customizable Chore Charts and other printables from Somewhat Simple
• Traditional Foods Kitchen Toolkit (4 digital books, 1 video) from Traditional Foods
• Whole Food Family Favorites Cookbook from Nourishing Joy
• First Bites Baby Food Timeline and Simple and Healthy Homemade Baby Food Recipe printable from Accidentally Green
• Trust Birth (mp3) from Natural Birth and Baby Care
• How to Make Kombucha from Modern Alternative Mama
• More Than Numbers from Trina Holden
• How to Create the Healthy Baby of Your Dreams: The 11 Pillars to Optimum Fertility (CD) from Gabriela Rosa
• Taste of Herbs: Secrets of Herbalism Revealed Through Your Sense of Taste from Methow Valley Herbs
• Guide to In-Season Produce from Creative Christian Mama

The Fine Print

While you must purchase the Bundle by 11:59 p.m. EDT on Monday, June 17, you have until June 30, 2013 to download the books and redeem the bonuses. It is your responsibility to download and back-up your purchase by June 30, 2013. After that date, the books will no longer be available for download.

With proof of purchase, we can renew download links until June 30. After this date we will no longer have access to the books and will not be able to provide any new links to download.

Please read our Frequently Asked Questions page to learn more about the file types, deadlines to redeem your bonuses, and reading the books on your eReader device.

Each bonus offer can be redeemed once only per eBook Bundle purchase. You may purchase multiple bundles in order to redeem a bonus offer more than once.

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What part of this bundle are you most excited about?

For quite awhile, we have been using a teething tea that has proven very safe and effective.  It’s our best remedy for teething!  My 22-month-old gets a cup or two of the tea — he loves it — and drinks it in the evenings.  It seems to completely relieve his pain, and he drools less, bites less, and sleeps much better.

There are only a few small problems with it:

• It’s not super portable
• Dosing for younger babies is tricky
• Some babies don’t like the taste

That last one isn’t a problem for us, but it’s one I’ve heard from others.  The portability issue?  If we only need it at night, we can take a bag of the tea mix and make it wherever we find ourselves.  If that weren’t enough and we needed to be able to give it “as needed” during day time outings, it would be tricky to make and carry it.  Plus, many babies start teething at 4 – 6 months, before they are really eating solids, and they can’t simply sip a cup of tea.  Many don’t even use a sippy cup (and I don’t recommend much liquid at that age, anyway — they need to be mostly having breast milk or formula).

What to do about this?  I make a tincture, instead.

Teething Tincture

A tincture involves basically the same ingredients as a tea, except it includes vegetable glycerin as an extractor and (natural) preservative.  It’s also much more concentrated, so smaller doses are needed.

Ingredients:

• 1/2 tbsp. cloves
• 2 tbsp. catnip
• 2 oz. filtered water
• 2 oz. vegetable glycerin

Directions:

Place the herbs in a glass jar.

Pour in the glycerin.

Add the water.

Shake this mixture, cover it, and set it in a cool, dark place for about 6 weeks.  Strain it out and keep it in glass.  In a perfect world, brown glass.  A small glass vial of it could go in a diaper bag or purse if needed on the go.

Dose is about 1 – 2 drops to start, and work up a drop at a time as needed.  There’s nothing toxic about this combination; even if the baby drank the entire jar it wouldn’t hurt him/her.  But only a few drops should be needed.

I’ll be making a batch of this soon to use with Nathan when he gets to teething age.  He’s three months old now…where has the time gone?!

What’s your favorite teething remedy?

**Disclosure: this post contains affiliate links.**

Last week we had an amazingly popular Berkey giveaway!  (So sorry if you missed it!)

A Berkey is a really great water filter.  Just to remind you, here are some of its highlights:

• Filters without a need for electricity
• Powerful enough to filter untreated lake water
• Removes over 99% of bacteria and viruses
• Removes pharmaceuticals
• Removes fluoride (with a special addition to the filter)
• Removes more than ANY other filter on the market
• …and does it without stripping necessary trace minerals!

We’ve had one for over three years now and wouldn’t be without it.  Ours is even leaking a bit now (it’s a plastic one and my kids have knocked it over a few times…that is not typical for normal use, nor would it happen with one of the stainless steel ones) and we still use it every single day.

The giveaway was sponsored by United Environmental Water Solutions.  Dan, the owner, offers a bunch of different water purification systems.  One of our editors, Jill of Modern Alternative Kitchen, just bought a Pro-Pur from him.  It’s a lot like a Berkey, but is better with certain types of water treatment than is a Berkey.  Dan didn’t know that she works with us when they started talking, but he bent over backwards for her — she commented “Best customer service ever!”  He researched what the water in her area was treated with, then called her and helped her select the right filter for her.

The Winner

Okay, I’ve dragged this out enough!  I know you’re dying to know who won.  And that person is:

Wanita (wanitawood@…)

Congratulations!  We will be in contact to get you your prize.

If you didn’t win (and we had over 3500 entries!), you can use code “mam10″ to get 10% off your purchase!  Email Dan, ueswater@gmail.com, to take advantage of this deal.  He’d love to help you figure out the best system for you and can answer any questions you have about clean water.  I know many of you were saving up and wanting to purchase a Berkey, so hopefully this deal makes it a little easier for you to afford!

The Veggie Book

While I have you, I’m going to share one other piece of news.

Do you wish you could get your children to eat more vegetables?  How about yourself?  If you grew up with peas from a can as your only veggie, you might not be so fond either!  What about all those mystifying things in your CSA basket — what do you do with them?

There’s a brand-new book to answer all these questions and more!  It’s called The Veggie Book, and it’s a collaboration between Debra of Sweet Kisses and Dirty Dishes, Sara Shay of Your Thriving Family, and Danielle of More Than Four Walls (all of whom have been or are contributors here!).

Learn how to shop for, store, and prepare vegetables so they are truly delicious!  The book centers around 10 different vegetables and offers three to four different ways to prepare each, plus the health benefits of each.  In the beginning, they also offer details on how to prepare a basic mire poix and other ways to draw the flavor out of vegetables.  It’s a comprehensive book on how to cook vegetables so that your family will eat them.

Today is their launch, and it’s 50% off for the whole day with code 50VEGGIE.  The book is 25% off for the rest of the week with code 25VEGGIE, so you have lots of opportunities to get a good deal — but of course, the earlier you buy, the better deal you get.

How do you get safe water?  Does your family eat enough vegetables?

These days, everyone’s constantly up in arms about something.  Something’s going wrong, someone’s hurting someone else, this or that corporation or group or the mother down the street…they are messing us up!

One complaint that I see often is how wrong it is to “indoctrinate” our children.  This is especially aimed at religious people.  ”We need to leave them the freedom to believe what they want to!  Stop indoctrinating your kids in that nonsense!”

That statement is utter nonsense.  And said by hypocrites.  We are all indoctrinating our kids, every single day.

What is “Indoctrination?”

When people say “indoctrinate,” they mean “Teaching children a system of beliefs exclusively.”  Typically, they are referring to a system with which they don’t happen to agree.

That’s part of parenting.  Your job is to teach your children about the world and what to believe in.  It’s no different to take your kids to church three times a week than it is to take them to a political rally or a pride parade.  We purposely steep our children in our lifestyle, our beliefs, everything that is important to us.

In fact, many things could be considered ‘indoctrination’ really:

• Manners
• Education
• Beliefs about men and women
• Beliefs about religion/spirituality
• Beliefs about food
• Beliefs about discipline

…just about everything we do on a daily basis can be done many different ways.  There are many ‘gray areas’ in life, and every time you tell your child your opinion on something, you are ‘indoctrinating’ them.

Some of you will argue that most of these don’t really count as indoctrination, but they do.  Children, especially ones too young to go to school yet, pick up on their parents’ mannerisms, actions, belief systems, etc. just by being around them and having daily conversations with them.  Every time they ask a question they get your perspective on the matter.  And they believe you, unquestioningly.  That is what indoctrination is.

Take, for example, this scenario:

A parent and a child are driving.  A car cuts them off.  The parent gets angry — “Stupid driver!  That idiot shouldn’t be allowed on the road!  That was dangerous!”

The child now sees that the parent believes that that sort of driving — cutting closely in front of your car — is dangerous.  They also see that the parent yells and insults the driver.  They are likely to repeat this behavior (insulting someone who did something they consider unacceptable) and may relate this story to others.  ”Somebody went in front of my mommy’s car and she said idiot.”

We all know children say the darndest things….

Children are Sponges

While that example is fairly mundane — we’ve all become frustrated while driving and made comments about the lack of wisdom on the part of the other driver — it stands as an important point.

Children are sponges.  Every single thing that you do is teaching them.  And they trust you.  They believe you.  Their worldview is you-centered.  What you tell them to believe, they will.  This applies to little things, like how to handle bad drivers, and big things, like religion.

Yet, somehow, people miss this.  They think that taking children to church, or praying with them daily, or reading from the Bible together is some sort of special indoctrination, that is different from any other sort.

It’s not.

Some of the same people who would yell “Indoctrination!  Unfair to the children!” would cheer for those who are taking their children to a rally to support midwives, or against Monsanto.  They aren’t different — in each case, you are steeping your children in your beliefs!  Small children (under 4 or 5) really don’t know or have an opinion about religion, midwifery/women’s rights, or Monsanto/GMOs independently.  If they say anything, it’s because they’re parroting what you have taught them.

It is absolutely impossible to avoid “indoctrinating” your kids in your own beliefs and lifestyle.  And what’s more, you shouldn’t try.

Our Job is to Indoctrinate

If we don’t teach our children how to act and what to do, how are they supposed to know?

They learn to treat others with respect because we do it.  They learn about Jesus because we talk about Him.  They learn about eating healthy food because we model doing it and talk about the differences between healthy and unhealthy.  (And yet people only complain about one of these!)

A good parent steeps their child in the family’s beliefs and way of life.  They teach them and train them and model for them the correct behavior.  And then, when they are older, encourage reflection and exploration of various ideas, philosophy, belief systems, etc.

Every person goes through developmental phases.  As young children, they simply absorb the world around them, and they see everything as concrete, black and white.  Your job then is to teach them what you believe, give them a framework for “handling” the world around them.

When they are older, and can think abstractly, it is your job to help them question their beliefs, to explore what others believe and why, to help them understand what is going on.  They will then either accept or reject what you have taught them.  The teen and young adult years are the time for this.  Young childhood is not.

Please!  Indoctrinate your children.  Take your job as a parent seriously, and teach them what you want them to know.  Teach them what you believe and why you feel so passionately about it.  Share your worldview with your children — it’s your responsibility to do so.

What do you think about indoctrination?

Why soup now?  And why these ingredients?

Yes, it’s June.  Where I am, it’s hot outside (it’s hit the upper 80s already).  A creamy, comforting, delicious soup in this weather?

In my opinion, soup is good all the time!  And it makes use of the seasonal fresh broccoli that’s being harvested.  Why not add some potatoes (cheap and filling) and some chicken (a little extra protein) to create a delicious twist on an old favorite?  So I did.

Bake the potatoes ahead of time; I baked mine while I was also baking breakfast muffins.  When all the batches of muffins were done, so were the potatoes.  You can bake them the night before while you’re making dinner and store them in the fridge.  Keep the skins, too, and I’ll show you what to do with those next week!

Ingredients:

• 1 small onion, diced
• 4 tbsp. butter
• 4 tbsp. flour (sprouted, unbleached, brown rice, even navy bean — your choice)
• 4 c. chicken stock
• 1 4 – 6 oz. chicken breast, chopped into bite-sized pieces
• 1/2 lb. fresh broccoli, chopped
• 3 – 4 medium baked potatoes
• 1/2 tsp. dried parsley
• 1 c. milk
• Sea salt and pepper to taste
• Cheddar cheese, bacon, and green onions for serving

Directions:

Heat a large soup pot over medium heat.  Melt the butter and add the onions.

Saute until softened.  Add the flour and stir it up to form a roux.

Add the chicken stock and stir until smooth.

Add your broccoli and chicken, plus some salt, pepper, and parsley.

Allow the soup to simmer for 15 – 20 minutes, until the chicken and broccoli are completely cooked.  Then add the flesh of the baked potatoes.

Reserve the skins!

Stir the soup, and add the milk.  If the soup is not as thick as you want, whisk a little flour into the cold milk before adding it to thicken the soup further.

Serve the soup as soon as the potato is heated through and it is as thick as you want.  Less than five minutes after adding the final ingredients!  Yes, the soup comes together quickly.

Add some cooked, crumbled bacon, shredded cheddar, and/or green onions to the top of the soup.  Delicious.

What’s your favorite creamy soup?

**this post has been entered into Simple Lives Thursday #150, Pinterest Party and Features, Thursday’s Temptation #67, Homemade by You #54, Think Tank Thursday #33, Catch a Glimpse Party, Show and Tell #29, It’s a Party #109, and Proverbs 31 Thursdays.**

By Nina, Contributing Writer

Even though we homeschool our four little ones and do fun activities throughout the year, I still get giddy for the summertime and all of the special fun the season brings with it. Summer is a great time to do fun activities with the kids but there’s no reason it should cost a lot of money. Here are some fun, inexpensive ideas for enjoying summertime with your kids:

Picnic

Any old meal can be made special just by grabbing a blanket and heading to a nice outdoor area. My kids love picnics because it usually means seeing friends or playing at a nearby playground

Bubbles

Bubbles don’t last long in our house because our kids love them so much. All you need to make bubbles is 1 cup of water and 1 tablespoon dish soap. Kids can use their hands or wire bent into circles to make bubbles.

Sidewalk chalk

My kids stay entertained for hours with sidewalk chalk. They love drawing pictures, playing hopscotch and tracing each other on the cement.

Libraries

Public libraries have all sorts of fun resources. Story time. Computers. Classes. And then there are all of those wonderful books. Take advantage of the library and let your kids have fun choosing treasures to bring home.

Slip n’ Slide

You need a long tarp, water and some dish soap. If you can, set the tarp up on a slope and turn on your hose to get it wet. Add a few drops of dish soap for extra slipperiness and let the kids have fun sliding around.

Collect goodies from nature

When you go exploring, take some bags or small buckets with you to collect interesting items from nature. Those items can be used to decorate the house, create a collage on some paper or just enjoyed for their different textures.

Draw with sand glitter

A reader on my Facebook page gave me this idea. She said to take a few bowls of sand and add a few drops of food coloring to each one (however many colors you want). Grab some glue and construction paper or card stock. Have the kids use the glue to draw out pictures and then sprinkle the different colored sand on for beautiful pictures.

Hike

I’ll confess that I’m hesitant to do this where I live in the summer time, where rattlesnakes enjoy the warm sun as much as I do. But when we visit family members who don’t have rattlers nearby, we enjoy hiking around and exploring.

Bike rides

I spent hours of each day on my bike when I was a kid. I didn’t go far, but I loved feeling the warm sun on my face and making my own breeze by pedaling as fast as I could. My own kids happily do the same thing and I love to join them.

Camping

In our family, camping is done in tents, yurts or cabins and my kids love it. (And I’ve learned to pack the right things so I love it, too). They love the dirt, exploring the area, roasting marshmallows in the campfire and did I mention the dirt?

Camp out in the yard

Sometimes I think my kids’ favorite part about camping is pitching a tent and sleeping in a sleeping bag. That’s why, last summer, we started camping out in our back yard. We’ve always had either a fire pit or chiminea at home so we enjoy a nice fire whenever we rough it in the yard.

Swimming

I have a hard time keeping my kids out of the water, even when it’s not that warm. They love swimming and any opportunity to play in the water. Public pools tend to be more expensive (at least, they are in my area), but you could also use rivers, ponds and lakes with safe swimming areas or buy an inexpensive kiddie pool and enjoy splashing all summer long.

Head to the beach

We’re not on the coast, but there are plenty of lakes and rivers around with beaches. Some spots are free to park at, others are state parks that cost $5, unless you have a season pass (which I recommend). Kids love splashing in the water, collecting rocks and shells on the beach and playing in the sand.

Gardening

Dirt + shovels = happy kids. Our kids enjoy planting, picking and especially watering. If you can find a good way to make a game out of pulling weeds, they’ll probably enjoy that, too.

Harvesting

Whether you’ve planted your own garden that has veggies ready to be picked or you find a patch of wildflowers while you’re out and about, kids love to help harvest plants. Our favorite is berries, though we have a hard time making it home with any – they all end up in our very happy bellies.

Forts

This is a favorite of our kids that can be done outside or indoors on rainy days. All you need is sheets and blankets, something to drape it over and maybe some rope. Couch cushions and pillows are bonus tools.

Fishing

Be it a small pond, lake or city fishing hole for kids, kiddos will enjoy casting a line and waiting for a bite. We’ve taken all of our little ones fishing and our oldest definitely has the most patience for it. Start littler kids off with just holding the pole and reeling the line in – we’ve had some near-accidents with giving them full-control of the fishing pole without adequate lessons and supervision.

Tie-Dye old clothes

It’s been awhile since I’ve tie-dyed anything, but I know I had a blast doing it as a kid. Don’t have brand-new white clothes to dye? No problem! Your kids will have a great time with whatever you use, so gather your old t-shirts, socks, or playsilks. Need a tutorial? Check out this one.

What low-cost activities can you add to this list?

**This post has been entered into What I Learned Wednesday #59, Look What I Made! Link Party #153, Homemaking LinkUp, Encourage One Another Wednesday, Wise Woman Link Up, and Welcome Home Wednesday.**

Motherhood is hard.  We all have good days (when we might feel like “I totally got this…when is the Mother of the Year committee going to call?“) and bad days (when we might think “My kids are going to hate me and be in therapy forever…”).  We have all been on both extremes.

Many of us have also wished, especially on those not-so-great days, that motherhood came with a manual.  There are so many confusing decisions to make about children:

• Where should we give birth to them (and should we use medication)?
• What do we feed them? (at birth and beyond)
• Should we vaccinate?
• What about cloth diapers or EC?
• How do we stop our babies from crying so much?
• How do we potty train?
• How do we use natural remedies? (and when?)
• How do we keep them healthy?
• How do we balance our own health and sanity with our families’ needs?

I’ll bet you’ve had at least one of those questions before!

While there’s no actual “manual” for raising kids, because every child and every parent is different, there is some help along the way.

The Natural Mothering Bundle

Next week, June 10 – 17, there is going to be a bundle that is as close to a natural parenting manual as you’ll ever get!  These books will answer all the questions above and more.  You’ll find books by popular and well-respected authors.

Breastfeeding Simply, by Pinky McKay, IBCLC

If breastfeeding has been or is a struggle for you, Pinky’s expertise as an IBCLC can provide much-needed information and help.  A meeting with an IBCLC in person isn’t cheap, and this book is a great starting place and excellent reference for correct breastfeeding information and for troubleshooting problems.

Eat Your Way to Parenthood, by Gabriela Rosa, MScM, BHSc, ND

If you’ve struggled with infertility, the solution just may be easier than you think.  Gabriela walks you through how diet can impact your fertility, and includes fertility-boosting foods to help you increase your chances of conception.

Rebuild From Depression: A Nutrient Guide, The Digital Abridged Version, by Amanda Rose, Ph.D.

A lot of women suffer from depression — postpartum or otherwise.  Amanda has been there herself, and also has professional expertise in understanding how food impacts our experiences.  She walks you through key nutrients for rebuilding your body and beating depression naturally (as well as some notes on when or if you might consider medication).  It’s one I have in paperback and an excellent read, especially for a mom who has a history of depression and is worried how she will cope with motherhood.

Tips and Tricks to Remineralize and Repair Your Teeth, by Ramiel Nagel

“The” guru of healing your teeth naturally is Ramiel Nagel.  His book, Cure Tooth Decay, is a staple of natural dentistry.  This book teaches you specifically how to heal teeth without needing to drill and fill them, and why doing it naturally is so important.  Natural dentistry is an area that’s new to even experienced “natural” parents often times, and this is the go-to book on the subject.

These are just four of the 30+ resources included in the bundle.  There are guides to vaccines, cloth diapering, EC, potty training, introducing solids, teaching kids to cook and clean, balance in attachment parenting, and more.

There are also resources simply for moms — cookbooks of quick and easy recipes, natural beauty, and even how to make family memories!

Speaking of natural beauty, Emily of Redeeming Beauty makes beautiful, healthy, affordable mineral make up.  Her store now stocks foundation, blush, eye shadow, mascara, bronzer, nail polish, perfume, and more.  These products are priced around $5 – $15 each, they do not expire (great for moms who only wear make up for special occasions), and they contain no parabens or other questionable ingredients.  She makes each product herself, by hand.

Sale Details

The full details of this sale will be available next Monday, June 10th, when the sale officially launches.

The basics are this:

• 30+ books and resources on natural mothering
• Excellent bonus offers from Fit2B, Granola Babies, OraWellness, and more
• This entire package sells for just $29.97

If you have struggled with wishing you had more information about these subjects, or you could benefit from a wealth of mothering resources, please consider budgeting for this and planning to purchase next week.  The sale will run for 8 days and you can buy any day.  Once the sale is over, though, there will be no late sales.

Please come back next week to see the full details and purchase your bundle!

What part of the natural mothering bundle would help you the most?

By Malissa McClintock, Contributing Writer

After a Spring that just couldn’t decide to be spring, summer is right around the corner. With Baby Boy growing quickly and things warming up, I’ve decided to take the traditional break from “school” for the summer. However, we aren’t taking a break from learning. Instead, we are integrating what I am calling Museum Led Learning.

As a former teacher and Museum education, I like the idea of working backwards in a learning process – starting from the museum experience and then taking the insights back to the “classroom” to nurture and develop into lessons and focused study. I also like the idea of getting some field trip type outing with the kids that is fun and educational without it seeming like “school.” Here’s a brief guide to forming your own Museum Led Learning experience.

Pick A Museum

LOCATION: Begin by looking for Museums or experiences that are either close to you geographically or are located along your travel/vacation route. I limit my travel time to about 2 hours (one way) from our house. The trip to a Museum in the morning can be time for discussion about our destination, general family talks, or a time to listen to music, watch a movie – whatever you and your vehicle allow. Two hours is also a good nap window on a return trip for young children who are tired from a day of fun and activity and need a gentle but necessary time of rest. Travel time longer than this exhausts everyone and can make the experience seem unpleasant overall.

FACILITY: Look for a Museum that is child and family friendly. Call ahead to see if they allow items such as strollers or if they have them available for use. Determine if there are areas for eating a packed lunch, to purchase a lunch or snack, or if you need to make other arrangements for eating during your trip. It’s aslo helpful to find out if the Museum has a dedicated children’s area available, outdoor exhibits,  or a family guide to help guide you and provide points of discussion during your visit.

FOCUS: For our family, I choose destinations based on current interests the kids are expressing or by a particular exhibition that will ignite a desire to learn. Two of our favorite outing have been to Lewis Ginter Botanical Garden in Richmond to see the Butterfiles LIVE! exhibit and our very recent trip to the Virginia Aquarium and Marine Science Center. Each of these Museums meets my criteria: family friendly, children’s area, hands-on exhibits, outdoor areas and trails, and within a reasonable travel distance from home. The also each have a magical quality to them that will give small children a sense of excitement and wonder to ignite a desire to learn.

 Get in There!

•  Take Your Time – Allow them time to really look at the exhibits that are there and what they contain.

Moo taking it all in.

• Going to an aquarium means the potential for hands on activities — take advantage of that luxury! If there is a touch tank — let them use it. If there are exhibits that they can manipulate or interact with, encourage them to do so.
• Seek out the children’s play area and let them play – their little brains can become saturated easily and allowing time to play and unwind will help them focus as you move on.

Roo playing with a grasshopper.

• Look for structured events - such as the Shark Feeding – that you can attend and experience together. Sitting down with them at their level to learn with them will also help them focus and want to continue their visit. (Children thrive on adult interaction- particularly in places where they see you are learning WITH them.)
• Slow down when they ask you to – it isn’t a race to see how quickly you can see everything. It’s more about seeing what THEY want to see. Don’t be afraid to skip any parts that don’t interest them – we skipped the jellyfish this time. It isn’t going to ruin their experience and they may become interested in it in the future.

Moo enjoying the tanks.

• GET OUTSIDE IF YOU CAN. A change of venue is great for kids. Remember recess when you were in school? There was a reason for that! Take the trail that connects the buildings. Walk to the aviary. Stroll through the rose gardens. Get some air and some Vitamin D — you’ll be glad you did.

Trails around the Aquarium.

Take the Museum Home

Books the day after.

The day after our trip, we went to the library and got books about various creatures we had seen. We also got a “Mommy book” on the Chesapeake Bay. Getting books for them and for me shows them that they can learn with me and that I don’t know it all. We all need to keep learning as we grow and each step they will continue to learn something new. We began working with these books two days after our visit. We read them. We discussed pictures. We talked about how things looked similar or different to what we had seen.

We also discussed some crafts that we want to make. We are going to make sharks with big teeth. I suggested we make Jellyfish because we didn’t see them on our visit and we could use our imagination. We also will just color and draw thing that we remember seeing. We will also take a trip later in the week to the pet store — not only to get food for our animals but to visit the tanks there and consider how they are the same or different.

Go Again!

Now that we are reviewing our visit, Moo can’t wait to go again and to take Daddy to see our adventure. Letting the museum serve as the start of your lesson provides the opportunity to create many lessons with the same focus but different outcomes. This trip Moo and Roo were interested in what creatures we saw and what they do. As we discuss it now in the days following, I can see the thoughts forming in Moo’s mind about how fish live together if sharks eat fish. A lesson on ecosystems and food chain is starting to form without my intervention. Going BACK with questions in her mind means a different experience with new outcomes. 

We are going to attempt a museum trip weekly as part of our summer fun. It is my hope that we’ll open all sorts of doors to learning that we previously had ignored by staying home and trying learn subjects rather than letting the subjects teach us. Planning trips in advance will aslo help me to see if we can lead from one thought to another- seeing marine ecosystems is very different than seeing a land dwelling mamal such as a lion or seeing how different colors in a painting up close look completely different when you back up 10 steps and then 20 more. Each expereince teaches something new and creates lessons that I couldn’t think of on my own. Letting the learning led you can often be the best curriculum you never have to buy.

Do you take trips to museums with your children? Do you let the learning led you to your next learning adventure?

**This post has been entered into Tuesday’s Treasures #137, Anti-Procrastination Tuesday, Titus 2sday, and Teach Me Tuesday.**

Image by Life Mental Health

Awhile ago, we took our kids to meet a new doctor.  (See, I’m not anti-medicine or anti-doctor.)  Was it worth it?  Will we take them back?  Why did we take them at all?

Who’s curious about the answers to these questions?

Why Go to the Doctor?

I am not a huge fan of “necessary check ups” really.  I don’t take my kids to every.single.appointment on the schedule.  We don’t vaccinate, so we don’t need to.  I don’t take them in for sick visits for every illness (in fact, my older two have had one sick visit each, and younger two have had none).  I don’t use a doctor as a be-all, end-all source of information on health and wellness for my family.

But.

On the off chance that something should ever happen, and we would require help from a doctor, I like knowing that I would have someone I could trust on my side.  Someone who wouldn’t jump to conclusions and suggest major interventions immediately, but who would look at alternative options, non-invasive tests, etc.  And, if that doctor recommended medication or something more invasive, I could trust him because I knew that he didn’t take such a decision lightly.

If I could not find someone who met all the criteria I wanted, I would not go.  I don’t want to waste my time with someone who “puts up with” us; I want someone who can actually understand, somewhat agree, and help us.

What We Found

We got lucky.

We found a doctor who is about a 30-minute drive from us, but it’s worth it.  He’s family practice, and fairly young (I think in his early 30s).  He explained to me, “My training is in medicine, but my heart is for alternative.”  He knows drugs, but he wants to avoid them whenever possible.

He was very gentle and patient with all the kids and seemed to enjoy their high energy, not just tolerate it.  He asked if we were planning to have more and when I said yes, he smiled and said “Good.”  (or something positive…this was 6 weeks or so ago so I don’t quite remember)  He’s pro-breastfeeding, pro-home birth (assumed our newest was born at home, not in a hospital, which he was), basically pro- everything we like!  He even has a picture of Jesus in his office.

I really liked his approach, too.  I brought up one minor concern with one of the kids, and his first thought was, “It’s probably nothing serious, but here are some ways we could figure out what’s going on that are non-invasive.”  He suggested a couple of minor tests.  He offered no treatment suggestions, reserving those for if and when we discovered there was a problem (there wasn’t).  I like his curious mind, his desire to figure out what’s going on before suggesting anything.  If we did run into a problem, that’s exactly the type of person I’d want helping us.

He was also understanding about us wanting to keep visits minimal (2 – 3 for the baby in the first year; annually after that).  And our conversation about vaccines went like this:

Doctor: “About vaccines…we don’t offer them in this office, so if you want to get them, we can refer you…”

Me: “We don’t vaccinate.”

Doctor (smiling): “Good!”

Yeah, that’s the first time it’s ever gone down like that.  It was pretty awesome, though.

His staff was excellent too.  They were gentle with the kids, and understanding about me not getting through four sets of paperwork during the visits (I was alone with all four kids).  I finished it up in the car after we were done in the office, and the secretary said if I wanted, I could call her and she’d come out to my car and get it from me.  Who does that these days?

Finally, they take our insurance.  Yay!  It’s been awhile since we’ve had a doctor that we like who does….  It means that we can afford to go more often, if we want to (especially in the first year, when doctors really prefer to see them more than once).

Is It Worth It?

If you can find a doctor who is on board with your choices and supports you, and with whom you generally see eye-to-eye, yes, it is worth it.  There are some great doctors out there who are alternative-minded but know when to use conventional treatments, and how to make them the safest possible.

If you can’t find someone who can actually help you, or who doesn’t respect your choices, I personally don’t think it’s worth it.  Why pay someone to have a fight all the time?  That’s just my two cents and what I’d chose; you may feel differently.

What Tests Should I Get?

I think getting blood work done every few years is a good idea, perhaps more often if you have a concern.  I would personally be checking blood sugar, hemoglobin, vitamin D status, cholesterol (although this level honestly doesn’t mean much), thyroid panel (t3, t4, TSH), and possibly a few others.  It depends on your needs.

Even if you plan to treat alternately, if needed (I would), a blood test can still give you information on where to start.  For adults, the most important part is having a doctor who can accurately interpret the results.  Some simply look at the tests and if each number is “within clinical range” (usually quite a wide range), they say you are okay.  But the “optimal” range is much narrower, and the balance between different numbers is important sometimes too.  It may be beneficial to take your blood test results to an alternative doctor who specializes in treating whatever condition you may have — a lot of women have thyroid issues and this tends to be one situation where a mainstream doctor may not know the best way to proceed.

For kids, I prefer to keep it non-invasive.  They get basic physical exams.  With one kid, we had a minor concern, and the doctor recommended a finger stick to check blood sugar.  We went ahead with that, because it was quick and in-office.  We got the results in minutes and it confirmed that everything was fine and we didn’t need to do any follow-up testing.  If we had needed to do a blood draw for any reason, I would have gotten vitamin D levels checked.  Although the doctor mentioned that unless a kid has broken bones caused by Ricketts, insurance doesn’t want to pay for it.  :(  Given all that vitamin D is responsible for, I think that’s pretty ridiculous.

In another post I’ll talk specifically about well-woman care.  That’s a big topic in and of itself.

What do you think about regular check ups?  Do you do them?  Why or why not?

**This post has been entered at Marital Oneness Mondays, Better Mom Mondays, and Mama Moments Monday.**

Clean water is so important.

We think that we have clean water, because we live in a developed country with all kinds of water treatment plants.  But the thing is, our water today is often contaminated with heavy metals, chlorine (added deliberately), fluoride (added deliberately and no, not healthy), prescription drugs, run-off from farms containing pesticides and herbicides, and much more.

Our modern water treatment plants do not filter out these elements.  They get rid of the standard bacteria that could make us sick, and they add a lot of chemicals (like the chlorine) to kill anything else.  But they don’t remove all the other junk, and the chemicals added really aren’t safe for us, either.

There are lots of different filters on the market, but many of these don’t actually filter all of those things, either.  Most filter only a couple common elements, and do not remove chlorine, fluoride, or prescription drugs.

Reverse osmosis filtering does remove basically everything, but it also strips the water of needed trace minerals.  These trace minerals serve as electrolytes and water that doesn’t contain them often isn’t very hydrating.

My favorite solution, and the one I’ve used in my own kitchen for a few years now, is a Berkey water filter.

How is Berkey Different?

Berkey is actually capable of removing more than any other filtration system, without removing beneficial trace minerals!

It is safe enough to filter water from lakes or streams or water in foreign countries where it may not be so great.  It can even remove red food coloring from the water, all without stripping the minerals!  I have never done this test personally, but I know people who have, and it really works.  It also does all this without any electricity, which means it works even if the power is out — great for emergencies, or even camping.

Read more about The Berkey Secret.

The website says this:

Berkey systems are far superior to other filtration systems because they remove viruses, harmful pathogenic bacteria, cysts and parasites as well as unhealthy chemical contaminates and impurities while leaving in the essential minerals your body needs. Berkey systems produce virtually the most healthful, clean and delicious water available.

I have had mine for over three years now so I know the difference between this and RO water, which we used to get.  I can feel the difference when we’re at someone else’s house and I drink RO water again.  It really isn’t the same at all.

Berkey’s filters are expensive — about $100 for a set of two (you need two at once).  But, they last for about 6000 gallons of water, or about 3 – 5 years for an average family.  Over time they are much cheaper than the type of filter you have to replace every couple of weeks.

The only real disadvantage is its size.  It is rather large, and can be hard to find a place for it in your kitchen.  We moved ours around and eventually found a place that works for us.  If you have a tiny kitchen, this might be a problem for you.  But the good part about it being large is that it holds a lot of water, and it is portable — so if you move or wish to take it on the road, it goes along easily.

United Environmental Solutions

UES is sponsoring this giveaway.  I’ve been working with Dan (the owner) for several months now.  He’s a great guy.  I’ve had some questions about my Berkey and he’s always been quick to answer email and try to help me troubleshoot.  He is always willing to help my readers, too, with any questions they may have about clean water, and to help them find the system that best fits their needs.

This is a small, family-owned business, so if you prefer to “buy local” you will be doing that with UES!

If you’re not sure if your water really needs filtered (or which filter would be best for you), they offer water testing by mail that costs only $5.

If you have any specific questions, feel free to email Dan at ueswater@gmail.com.

Want to Win?

One lucky winner is going to get a Big Berkey with 2 black filter elements!  (Pictured at the top.)

Giveaway entries must be on the Rafflecopter below to count.  Open to U.S. residents, 18 years and older.  This giveaway closes on Saturday night at midnight.

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Why do you most want to win a Berkey?

By Jessica Peterman, Contributing Writer

I don’t know about you, but every summer my kids become snack monsters. The temperature goes up, their activity goes up and their appetites are HUGE. The kitchen just becomes a revolving door and frankly, I find myself struggling to keep up.

I need a plan for easy, frugal and HEALTHY snacks. Here’s some ideas…

1. Raw veggies and fruit, prepped and ready to go.

At the beginning of the week wash, peel and chop a bunch of carrots, celery, bell peppers, cauliflower…whatever your kids like. Keep a dish of homemade yogurt ranch or hummus handy to encourage dipping. This is my number one plan when we arrive home after a busy day and everyone is ravenous. It’s funny, but if I ask them if they want some veggies I don’t get much of a response, but if I just set out a plate of veg and dip, they can’t seem to resist!

The same goes for fruit, though it may not last quite as long in the frig. A good mix includes grapes, melon, apple and orange slices. The acid from the oranges will help keep the apples from browning. Dip is great for fruit too. Try some yogurt with a little vanilla and honey stirred in.

2. Trail Mix

Nuts, seeds, dried fruit, coconut, mini chocolate chips…the options are endless. You can find plenty of ready made mixes in the store, but you’d probably save yourself some cash by putting your custom mix together yourself.

Trail mix has it all–salty, sweet, protein, fiber and healthy fats. This is a snack that will fill them up and keep them going for a long time. Plus, it travels well!

My current snack of choice!

3. Stovetop Popcorn

If you’re still buying those bags of microwave popcorn, I beg you–buy a bag of organic popcorn kernels, add a couple tablespoons of  extra virgin coconut oil to a hot pan and season your now gourmet popcorn with sea salt, cracked black pepper and maybe some parmesan cheese. Yum! That bagged stuff doesn’t even begin to compare.

This popcorn makes a frequent appearance in our pool bag. Travels great and keeps in a zip top bag for a few days.

4. Homemade Power Bars

Many of us love those nut and fruit LaraBars at the store. But I for one don’t really love the price tag. Plus, we have some specific nut allergies in our family and a company that cranks out all those different nut bars scares me a bit. (Cross-contamination) So we make our own. It’s as simple as throwing the ingredients in the food processor, grinding, and then pressing into a pan.

My favorite recipe by far is from Katie at Kitchen Stewardship. For snacks on the go, just pop them into a thermal lunch bag with a little ice pack.

5. Smoothies

I asked my kids to chime in on the snack selection, and this was my daughter’s first pick. Her favorite is a berry banana smoothie. We use our homemade yogurt as a base and add in whatever else is on hand or suits our appetite. You could also try combo’s like peanut butter banana, peach mango or strawberry vanilla (just add a touch of real vanilla extract). They’re refreshing on a hot day, and if you make them with yogurt, you’re getting a healthy dose of probiotics and calcium, too!

Here’s some other smoothie recipes to try out:

• Coconut Mango Banana
• Orange Creamsicle Smoothie
• Cran-Raspberry Smoothie

Other snacks ideas include (also offered up by my kids) …

• Organic tortilla chips and homemade salsa
• mini muffins (try these grain free chocolate chocolate chip muffins)
• apple slices and cheese cubes
• Homemade popsicles (made with yogurt, fruit and a little stevia or honey)
• Frozen grapes or berries straight out of the freezer–refreshing!

What are your favorite healthy summer snacks?

I have had four babies.

I have had babies who slept well, and babies who slept terribly.  I have been crazy sleep-deprived, and sleeping most nights.  And I have learned a lot about teaching babies to sleep.

The first thing you should know is that I generally subscribe to “Attachment Parenting.”  I don’t let my babies cry.  I co-sleep with them and enjoy every snuggly minute.  So, if you’re looking for someone to tell you how to get them to sleep in 3 – 4 hour stretches in their own rooms from day 1, or someone who advocates that “a little crying never hurt anyone,” you are not going to hear it from me.

If you are desperate for a decent night’s sleep but don’t believe in letting your baby cry, or don’t want to stop co-sleeping (or maybe want to start a slow and peaceful transition), I can help you.

What Does “Teaching a Baby to Sleep” Really Mean?

When most people hear that phrase, they think about cry-it-out (CIO).  That’s what “sleep training” is, right?

It doesn’t have to be.  When babies are born, the entire world is confusing to them.  They are not sure what is good and what is bad.  They are not sure what they need to get rid of bad feelings (like being hungry, wet, or tired).  They are not sure what is day or night, how to move from asleep to awake, or really how to make sense of anything around them.  These are unsettled newborns, and they need help learning about the world.  They need a loving parent to teach them what life is about and how to manage their most basic functions.

The more intense and loving work you do in teaching them to sleep in the early days and weeks, the more sleep you will both get later on.  This is entirely without crying, and actually involves quite a lot of sacrifice from you.

Your baby relies entirely on you to unlock the “secrets” of the world.  When my fourth was born, I could sense his confusion and his worry in the first couple of days.  He didn’t know what was going on or if the world was okay.  I held him almost constantly and nursed him every 10 – 15 minutes, whenever he wanted to.  By day 3 or so, he began to relax a bit more, nurse a bit less often, and seemed like he had decided the world was okay.  Still, his unsettled newborn behavior and fussiness continued until he was around a month old, at which point he relaxed a lot, started smiling, sleeping fairly well and consistently, and being a very “easy” baby.

Whereas with my other three, I breezed through the newborn period in a fog of uncertainty and sleep deprivation, this time I knew what I was doing — and it shows, in that I have my calmest baby yet.  Yes, that is partially just his personality, but this early “training” helps.

Goals of Training

Your goal is to first convince your baby that s/he can trust you completely to meet his/her needs.  Then, you need to convince your baby that the world is an overall good place.

Once you have done these things, you will teach the baby gently how to calm down and fall asleep in a variety of ways, and how to develop a general routine.  Babies thrive on routines.  I don’t believe in rigid schedules, and would never put a baby in bed because “the clock says so” even if baby doesn’t appear tired, or wake a baby for a feeding for the same reason.  We all ebb and flow and baby will be the same way.

The goal is not to make baby easier for you to deal with.  It’s not to teach baby to be independent.  It’s not to teach baby who’s boss.  It’s to gently, lovingly help your baby trust you and learn to manage himself, in time.  You manage him, carefully and joyfully, until he is ready to take over the job.

Baby Sleeping Phases

There are a few things you need to know, first, about how sleep happens.

Days 1 – 2: Baby sleeps almost all the time, unless he is eating.  It’s not uncommon for babies to be awake for 1 – 2 hours after birth, then sleep 12 straight hours.  Baby will not do this again for several weeks at least!

Day 3 – 1 month: Baby is very unsettled and may have trouble falling asleep, especially if he gets over tired.  Some days baby may sleep all day, some days baby may be rather wakeful.  Baby may be awake for stretches in the middle of the night and asleep all day.  There is very little pattern to baby’s sleep, and they usually wake and sleep randomly throughout the 24 hour period.

Months 1 – 4: Baby now has some sort of rough routine, and is much more settled and roughly predictable, but still needs help sleeping.  This is a crucial period for teaching baby to sleep in a more “traditional” sense (though still without crying).

Month 4 – 12: Baby is now capable of “sleeping through the night,” which means a 5 – 6 hour stretch, not 12 hours!  Baby should also take 1 – 3 somewhat regular naps each day.  At some point in here, some babies may begin to sleep 10 – 12 hours a night; others won’t until age 2 or 3.

Ages 1 – 2: Toddlers go from still unpredictable and often having interrupted sleep from teething, colds, etc. to sleeping pretty consistently and often (but not always) 10 – 12 hours through the night, plus one 1 – 3 hour nap in the afternoon.

Knowing what to expect will help you know how to help — and also help you not to feel frustrated when your baby doesn’t sleep as you wish!

How to Teach Baby to Sleep

The nitty gritty!  How do you help your baby to learn to sleep?  Ideally you would be reading this before your baby arrives.  If not, see below….

The Early Days

Your only job is to hold your baby and respond to his/her every whim.  Baby is not capable of being spoiled or demanding anything that isn’t a need at this age.  Hold your baby constantly, and baby will root when he is hungry, squirm when he is wet, and fuss a bit, then sleep when he is tired.  Mostly, baby will sleep.  Your body will regulate his temperature, breathing, heart rate, and more.  Your baby’s nursing and also oxytocin released by snuggling skin-to-skin will contract your uterus, helping you heal faster.  Just.hold.the.baby.  You shouldn’t be up and about now anyway, let everyone else take care of food, dishes, etc. and let them wait on you hand and foot.

The First Month

Once those first few days are over, and things are starting to feel a little more normal, and you’re stronger, and baby is generally convinced the world is an okay place and you will meet his needs, do more of the same: hold him.  A lot.  But, start to vary the tactics that you use to help him fall asleep.  If he’s starting to show signs of tiredness (yawning, stretching, not making eye contact/glazed eyes, fussing), then quickly check or change his diaper, make sure his clothes are comfortable, and feed him if he needs it.  A comfortable baby sleeps far better than one who is not.

During the day, keep windows open or lights on, and at night, keep lights off.  The lights signal the baby’s natural rhythms and teach day vs. night.

Allow the baby to fall asleep in a number of different ways:

• At your breast
• In your arms, with a pacifier
• In your arms, without a pacifier
• In a swing or other “curled” place, with and without a pacifier
• In someone else’s arms (Dad, Grandma, older siblings)
• In a bed or “flat” place (can use a swaddle blanket if desired)

Figure out if your baby is a back or tummy sleeper.  I have had two of each.  Place the baby in the position in which he is most comfortable.  Be smart and don’t add a bunch of loose blankets or sheets if baby is on his tummy (or ever).

Sometimes, let the baby sleep on or with you.  Sometimes, put the baby down to sleep.  Sometimes, wear the baby in a carrier while sleeping.  The idea is to show the baby gently that there are lots of ways to fall asleep.

This lesson is a good one to try when the baby is just starting to feel tired.  But, sometimes you will miss the early cues.  Sometimes you will see them, but baby is uncomfortable for another reason and you will still miss that window.  Whatever the reason, baby becomes overtired and very unhappy, and cannot seem to calm down enough to fall asleep.  There are a few things you can do at this point.

First make sure you have checked all sources of discomfort:

• Hungry (some babies will not sleep without that last 1/2 oz.)
• Hot/cold (go for around 70 degrees)
• Clothes scratchy or constricting
• Tummy upset/gassy
• Wet (babies pee a lot at this age, sometimes every 20 – 30 minutes, and some are very upset by feeling wet)
• Pain (weird things can happen, like a loose thread getting wrapped around a toe or diaper being on too tight, so check)

Bounce and Pat

Hold the baby over your shoulder, curled against you.  Make sure baby is well-fed, changed, not in pain, etc.  Bounce the baby gently but quickly as you pat his back.  Some babies like to have a small blanket wrapped around them, especially if it’s cooler.  Babies don’t like to be too cool or too hot.  Keep it going constantly until baby relaxes, quiets, and begins to sleep.  Slow down once you are sure baby is asleep but keep patting.  Then stop patting.  Then just snuggle.  Do not move the baby until s/he is in a sound sleep, or you will have to start over.

Swaddle, Swing, Suck

I didn’t make this up, I got it from Dr. Harvey Karp’s “The Happiest Baby on the Block.”  You can read the book to find out his theories on colic, sleep, and so on.  To help an overtired baby fall asleep, wrap the baby tightly so he can’t flail arms or legs (this will probably make the baby really mad at first, fighting to get his arms loose and arching back — ignore this, it’s part of being overtired).  Offer a finger or pacifier to suck, if baby will take it.  Stand up and put baby on his side, curled against your body.  Lean over him and start saying “shhh” very loudly in his ear, continuously.  Then start to swing your body back and forth in small, rapid circles.  The baby should be tightly curled against you, so this will not hurt him.  At first the baby may fight, but will slowly quiet down and begin to relax.  Keep doing it until baby’s body has been relaxed for awhile.  Stop or slow one thing at a time, starting again if baby begins to wake.  This will probably take 5 – 10 minutes to work.

Basically, try different combinations of cuddling, rhythmic movement, sucking (fingers, breast, pacifier), swaddling, white noise, or positioning until baby calms down.  Sometimes reclining and setting the baby facing out on my lap worked.  Try different things until you find what your baby likes best.

If you can get through these few weeks and help the baby fall asleep, you will be well-set for the next phase.  Note that I said nothing about scheduling in this time frame.  Your only goals are to notice the baby’s tiredness signs and help him figure out how to get from awake to asleep in different ways.  That’s it.

Months 1 – 4

If you have done your job, your baby is more settled in the world, adjusted to life, and can fall asleep in a variety of ways.  This gives you a good framework for the next step.  If you have not done all the things I outlined above, it may be that your baby sleeps “fine” until towards the end of this period, at which time he begins to wake frequently and sleep much less.  This is what babies seem to do when they do not know how to fall asleep, yet they are older and aware of the world around them and are distracted by it. (My second baby did this!)

Starting a bedtime routine would be a good idea at this age, if you haven’t.  Keep it simple, they are still little!  Ours at this age basically consists of changing into PJs and nursing while rocking or lying down (which we don’t usually do at other times of day; I typically just sit on a couch).    Look for signs of tiredness and move towards a bit of a routine.  It is still very common for babies to nap sporadically, in 20 – 40 min. stretches throughout the day.  This will change usually by 6 months.

You can help encourage longer stretches by taking the baby up to “bed” when you see signs of tiredness, checking diaper and nursing before laying him/her down.  It is fine to nurse the baby all the way to sleep now if s/he prefers.  Babies will sleep better — longer and more soundly — if put to bed, instead of staying downstairs in the chaos of the home or in your arms.  You will start to see a pattern emerge, but it won’t be extremely steady yet.

At bedtime you will probably see a longer stretch emerging by the end of this time — baby may go to bed at 8 or 9 and sleep until 1 or 2 before needing a feeding.  Some will then sleep another long stretch, and some will need to be fed every two hours, and many will go between the two.  But, you should be getting some decent sleep.

Since we co-sleep, we usually choose to put the baby to bed in a bassinet next to our bed to start the night, and baby joins me when he wakes the first time.  Occasionally he goes back into his bassinet, if I need to get another child or use the bathroom or if he seems uncomfortable (but isn’t wet/hungry).

Baby may sleep in later than other kids, if you have older ones.  My older ones are usually up around 7, but the littlest one sleeps until 8 or 9.  I put him back in his bed when the other kids get up.

Months 4 – 12

By now you should have some semblance of a routine.  If not, go back and start with the newborn tips again.  Teach your baby that, first, he can trust you to meet his needs.  Help him learn a variety of ways to fall asleep on his own.  You may need to enlist Daddy’s help here.  We struggled with our second baby (when my first baby was born I didn’t have any friends locally yet, and she was easy, so all I did was stay at home and respond to her cues) because I took him on the go and never created any sort of routine or helped him learn to sleep at all.  That created a nightmare situation where he woke every 40 minutes, all night long, for almost a year, and never really took naps except in the swing or a carrier.  We still got him in his own room and sleeping fairly well by 18 months and great by age 2.

So, there is hope.  If you say “We didn’t know and now my baby has terrible habits!” you can break them, gently and without crying.  We did a multi-step plan that involved having baby fall asleep on Daddy’s lap, then next to Daddy, then across the room from Daddy, then on his own, over several nights (weeks).  But it worked.  Daddy fell asleep some nights laying on the floor in front of the crib, but it worked.  What he needed was to know it was okay to fall asleep and someone was there.

If baby is on the younger side (much under 9/10 months), go back and spend a few days being extra responsive, noting early signs of tiredness (squirming, slight fussing, yawning, eye-rubbing) and taking baby to rock/nurse and then laying him down.  Try a swing, a pacifier, a swaddle, darkened room, whatever will work.  Re-teach baby that sleeping is good and sleeping alone sometimes is okay too.  Treat baby like a newborn again.

If baby is older, try the other method (multi-step mentioned above) and you may have to get a little “tough” if you are ready.  Our second son did cry a little bit, but never alone.  A parent was in the room, soothing him, but would not get him out of his bed.  It only took three nights of that.  It felt so mean and I hated every minute, but he was never alone.  Daddy would sit in a chair and talk quietly to him, pat his back, etc. but would not get him up.  (He was over a year when that happened.)  He was pretty stubborn though — our oldest son never cried as long as there was a parent in the room.  He would pop up briefly to check that someone was still there, and if so, would lay himself back down, satisfied.  Depending on the personality of the kid, they may or may not cry at this method.

It’s important to know that many babies have a “sleep regression” around 9 months.  They are going through a growth spurt, teething, making physical and mental developmental leaps, and more.  It’s a time to hold them close and help them through it — it’s hard on them.  If you are responsive, they will begin sleeping better again in a few weeks.

Years 1 – 2

Finally, some decent sleep!  Even if the toddler is not sleeping through the night, you will have something predictable.  Hopefully.  If not, see above and try the “older baby” trick.  We found it was best for us to transition from co-sleeping to separate rooms around the 1-year mark.  At that point, they were waking up more than they needed to just because we were all disturbing each other.  They did not “need” much at a year old, maybe 1 – 2 times per night if that.

Yes, they may still need to wake at night.  I continue to feed my babies on demand until about 18 months, both nursing and food.  We offered our boys plain yogurt as a bedtime snack many, many times between 12 and 18 months.  This is an age of massive physical and mental development!

We found it was very important to keep bedtime consistent in many ways during this period of time, in order to get the best sleep.  Here is what we typically did:

• Yogurt for a snack — as much as baby wanted/would take
• Soft PJs, not too warm (my kids like to sleep in sweat pants and t-shirts and refuse sleepers after a certain age)
• Room at around 70 degrees (add fan in the summer and small heater in the winter if needed)
• White noise (to drown out siblings)
• Soft sheets (has to be jersey knit or flannel — once Jacob woke over and over and over until I changed the sheet)
• Teething tea (catnip + clove — helps him relax and relieves teething pain)
• Rocking/nursing/snuggling in the bedroom
• Consistent routine (saying good night to each older sibling first, always around 8 PM)
• A cup of water (mine wake up thirsty if we don’t leave one with them, so we always do)

These helped us to get decent sleep.  If any of these was slightly off — a little hungry, a little too warm or cold, etc. then he’d wake up frequently (every 40 – 60 minutes).  If he was sick he’d end up in bed with my husband while I slept on the couch, especially once I was fairly pregnant.

The teething tea was a great discovery for us.  It eliminated most of the waking.  The remaining waking has usually been for a new diaper.  My babies do not sleep with wet diapers, typically — if they can feel it *at all* they will wake and ask for a new one.  Jacob (almost 2) still wakes a few nights a week, once, calling “Da! Help!”

We also occasionally use magnesium lotion on them.  A few times, especially around growth spurts, if I had tried everything on the list above and Jacob was still waking frequently, I put magnesium lotion on him and he would sleep more soundly almost immediately.  It also helped my oldest son with growing pains, and me with minor insomnia.

I have to say that I believe that there is always a reason why babies cry, even if we don’t know what it is yet.  I tried CIO a couple of times with both my older two (they never did fall asleep and I eventually went in), but I always discovered there was something going on.  It was sometimes as simple as a wet diaper, and other times as complicated as undiscovered food allergies.  I always realized later there was a reason.

Babies from day 1 are communicating with you as eagerly as they can.  Even now, with Nathan just shy of 12 weeks, I know he is communicating.  When he is on my lap and squirming and frowning/smiling earnestly, he is trying to tell me he needs something without crying.  If I don’t “listen” then he will eventually cry.  It seems “sudden” but it’s not — he’s crying in frustration because his message wasn’t understood!  Babies are so smart and they will guide you to what they need if you listen, and you can show them it’s okay and that they can trust you.  When your bond is solid, everyone will sleep!

By the time our babies are 2, they wake a few nights a week, usually very early (by 11 or so) or very late (4 – 5 AM) for a diaper change, but otherwise sleep through.  When they are potty trained, they sleep through unless something’s wrong (if they’re sick or something).  They go to bed easily and peacefully for both nap and night with no fight from several months old, too.  It’s not perfect, but no one’s exhausted!

This is getting very long!  I can’t cover absolutely everything here.  Basically, stay responsive but stay consistent as well, keep them comfortable, and gently help them to manage themselves.

If you have specific questions I can try to answer in the comments.

How did you teach your baby to sleep?

I know I normally post recipes on Thursdays, but I’ve been testing out new things and didn’t take pictures of any of it yet.  I wasn’t sure how it would turn out and I didn’t want to take the time to do pictures of something that was a flop.  So, I have nothing for you.

Except that I did make chocolate-hazelnut swirl cheesecake bars.  And they were yummy.  My 5-year-old declared them “So incredible.”  We did eat 2/3 of the pan in one day, between the four of us (no baby of course and my husband doesn’t like cheesecake).  So you might see that coming eventually….  Slightly complicated with all the different parts, but, we loved it.

Anyway.

Another reason I don’t have a recipe photographed is because we spent one day this week at a local children’s museum, and we were gone all day.  The kids loved it, we already have a membership (and if we didn’t I’d be quickly finding a way to buy one), and I wanted to share the types of things we learn there and why I consider these types of museums so important to an unschooling family.

Our Trip

It starts off with everyone in the car.  Nathan’s ready to go!

It’s about a 30-minute drive.  We arrived, got ourselves signed in, and the kids ran down the short (empty) hall to the first play area.  Here’s what they found: MAGNA TILES!

Those a big hit no matter where we find them.  The kids love to stack them up and make 3-D shapes out of them.  But, Daniel was getting bored…he was ready to move on to the next room!

We joined him, and all the kids began playing with one of their very favorite toys: The Gravity Well.  It’s where you put the ball (or money) in it and it spins around and around until it drops down in the center.  They could do this for hours, I think.

Nathan waited patiently in the stroller while they played.

Then Bekah asked to “play with the ice cream.”  There was a kids’ area for the under-6 crowd, and there was a lot of make-believe type toys, including a little ice cream stand.

I believe this is Melissa & Doug food.  They made me an ice cream cone.

Nathan needed a nap.

There were some really nice dress up clothes.

Bekah dressed up as a fireman, but when I tried to get a picture, she ran away and took it off.

The boys loved experimenting with this, although I think they mostly just like anything that involves balls.

Jacob shifted his attention to this toy, a favorite in many homes and waiting rooms, and experimented with moving the beads around.

That was not the end of our adventure, but that was the end of the 60 pictures I took.

We just missed a glass-blowing demonstration (lunch was their priority), we experimented with a xylophone bench and a theremin, we built and raced cars made of K’Nex, and we hit all our favorites again.  Plus, some other random exhibits here and there.

In addition to all the kid-friendly stuff, they have electronics so you can build your own circuits, and even Lego camps for adults!

They also have “Curious Kids” events every Tuesday throughout the summer, teaching the preschool/early elementary kids about several different topics, like gardening, water conservation, archaeology, recycling, and lots more.  These are free with membership.

Finally, they have summer camps (not free) that sound awesome, for kids 3 – 12 (different ones for different ages).  I’m considering sending my oldest two.

It’s just a great place for them to be really hands-on and discover neat things about the world.  They learn so much through play at young ages and it’s so great to encourage that.

What types of “field trips” do you take?

By Malissa McClintock, Contributing Writer

This summer we’re planning on being outside a lot more at our house. With a new member in our family, doing things close to home at low costs is crucial to our adjustment strategy and our sanity. As the Farmer’s Markets and various local festivals begin, the girls and I are planning our own local, decktop “garden”. Here are a few pointers for making one with your own children.

Start Small

Buy Local

Let the Kids Do the Dirty Work

Be Their Stewards

Gently remind them to water their plants daily. Explain why their plants need water. Have them check on the progress and growth of their plants. Use each day as a teaching opportunity about food, air, farming – whatever comes up in your discussion. Letting children lead you often provides the best learning experiences for both of you. And, in our case, some pretty tasty strawberries!

Summer Bundle

This week, there’s a summer bundle of 5 awesome books, all about keeping your summer well-scheduled and delicious (including a book all about ice cream!).  See the details here, or buy it here.  It’s just $7.40, but it’s only for this week.

Do you or you children grown backyard plants? What is your favorite way to teach as you grow?

It has been a long, hard road since I decided two years ago that I didn’t want to spank anymore.  It’s one thing to intellectually say “I don’t want to do this.”  It’s another thing to find yourself in the middle of a tough, frustrating situation and actually know what to do instead.  When you’re angry, your ability to think is diminished, and it’s so easy to revert to the old ways…even when you said you wouldn’t and are upset, later, that you did.

It’s a long process.  I still occasionally threaten the kids with things I don’t want to do, but then stop and think and redirect myself.  It is very, very hard to replace your habits and thought processes, but it is possible.  Over time.  And cut yourself some slack — you’re human.

What a lot of people say when they first hear about positive discipline is often something like “Okay, that sounds good in theory…but what does it look like in practice?  What do you do if the kid does x, y or z?”  All the research and theories in the world cannot replace this practical knowledge, which is rarely given.

So today, I’m going to share with you several examples of what we might do for discipline.

Is Not Spanking No Discipline?

First I have to answer this.  Too many people think that not spanking means you just let your kids run wild.  Nothing could be further from the truth.  I can’t speak for everyone, but we have clear boundaries, that mostly surround health, safety, and respect for people/property, and there are consequences for breaking those boundaries.  Not spanking, but consequences.

It frankly drives me nuts when people say “Kids that aren’t spanked are total wild brats; spanking is the only way to teach ‘em.  Hit ‘em if you love ‘em so they grow up to be good.”  I won’t say what I think of that line of reasoning but it isn’t nice.

Anyway, yes, there are boundaries.  I don’t let my kids hit me or each other (and I don’t hit them to teach them not to hit).  I don’t let them run around and speak rudely to me and throw their toys everywhere and never clean up.  And yes, they’re kids and humans and they mess up.  They do occasionally hit, throw, make messes, talk back, and so on.  Ironically if they do these things and I use positive discipline to address it, people might say I “don’t do anything” but if I spanked them and their behavior was exactly the same they would say I “did something.”  Even though the behavior wasn’t different.

My goal over time is to modify their behavior, to teach them empathy and give them an internal moral compass.  I don’t do it by hitting them, but in a bunch of different ways.

One last thing about spanking before I get into the examples — people always say “Spanking the right way is just fine; all those other people give it a bad name.”  No one’s really studied spanking, because most people wouldn’t really be honest about it (who wants to stand up and say “Yeah, I smack my kid repeatedly and in anger?”), but I’d venture to guess that most of the people who spank do it in anger, for minor offenses, and don’t cuddle and love on the kid after.  They get mad, they yell, kid still doesn’t listen, and they spank.  I’ve done it before.  Since that’s probably how it goes down in a lot of homes, we can’t say that spanking is okay, in a general sense, or that “the right way” is better.  It’s not typically done “the right way” anyway.

But, on to the practical examples.  If you don’t spank…then what?

Positive Discipline Examples

These are just a handful of examples of what I might do in my home.  It cannot possibly cover all situations and will not work for all children.  You know your child best.  The biggest take away here is going to be “Know your child, and problem solve together.”

Throwing

If a child throws a toy, that toy is put up.  They do not get it back, especially if it was thrown at a person.  If someone is hurt, then we talk about how that person was hurt and suggest they say sorry/make them feel better.  (I do not believe in “making” a child apologize.  What good is “sorry” if it’s said with anger and by a child who simply doesn’t mean it?  Did anyone gain anything there?  But we do suggest that it might help, and model it ourselves.)  We don’t follow up with additional discipline unless the child then starts other undesirable behavior.

Hitting

The children are physically separated if necessary and we ask what is going on.  We discuss the problem that led to the hitting (at least with the older ones, who can talk well) and then help them work it out with words, and remind them to use their words in the future.  Repeated hitting usually results in them getting separated for awhile, being sent to play in different rooms, etc.  They typically do not like this because they want to continue playing together, but if they cannot play together without hitting then they cannot play together.  Usually hitting occurs because of built-up frustration, so separating the kids and ending the situation defuses it.

Rudeness

I don’t answer to rudeness.  I ask them to try again, or sometimes pretend I didn’t hear them.  If they are talking to someone else, I will pull them aside and tell them what they said was rude and give them the words to try again — then ask them to go say the nicer thing and I suggest they apologize for having been rude.  If rudeness were to continue, directed at me, I would not do what they wanted and would tell them I would be ready to talk when they were ready to do so nicely.  If directed at others, I would separate them from the situation, leaving if necessary.

Running/Wildness

This usually happens while out.  At home, they would immediately be directed to the backyard — “You can be loud and run outside, but not in the house.”  They would have the choice of going outside or going to play alone in their rooms until they could play more quietly, especially if a baby was asleep.  If we are out, I might end the trip and take them home, or possibly take them and leave them with my husband while I finished the errands.  Since they want to be out and not home with Daddy, this is usually effective.  Typically this behavior means they haven’t had a chance to get out and run enough, and the best solution is to go home or to a playground and let them run in a more appropriate location.  It isn’t realistic to expect kids 5 and under with too much energy to just be quiet and still.

Cleaning Up

So many people say “How do you make them clean up?!”  Well, first — I model doing it myself.  I have morning chores I do every morning.  I clean as I go.  I show them how I do it and they often just jump in and help, because it’s “normal.”  If you don’t model cleaning yourself, they will not do it.  Even so, cleaning isn’t fun and kids drag their feet about it.  Typically we clean up one activity before we move on to another, and we simply don’t move on until the cleaning is done.  As I’m writing, the kids are cleaning up their art activity in the kitchen, and Grandpa is coming to visit soon.  If the cleaning isn’t done when he gets here, they won’t get to play with him until they are finished.  We clean up before lunch everyday and they don’t join us at the table until they’re finished.  Sometimes one finishes before another and we all sit down to eat except that child.  One of mine will refuse to clean up and continue playing and ignoring all instructions, but when it comes down to everyone eating and that child is not, the kid quickly and calmly cleans up.  Joining us at the table is much better than sitting alone in the play room.

It also helps to train them to clean.  The kid who doesn’t like to clean will refuse if we say “Go clean up.”  But if we say, “Please pick up the books,” it goes much better.  I spend time sitting with them all and instructing on what to pick up and where to put it.  We also try to keep it positive (I won’t say I don’t still yell sometimes when they are dawdling, because I do!) and say “Can you clean up ____?”  They usually smile and do it.  If I sound stern, they usually refuse/ignore.  I’ve found I can’t motivate them to do something that they really don’t want to do by force.  But if they are happy and want to please me, they will do it.

Don’t make cleaning a battle.  Teach them how to do it repeatedly until you are sure they really understand — you might be surprised that they don’t.  (I really didn’t “get” how to keep things clean even as an adult and had to learn!)  Sometimes I set a timer and say “Okay, we have 15 minutes to get all this clean, who can do it the fastest?”  Or possibly, “Once we are done cleaning, we can go eat lunch/take a walk/play a game.”  And you don’t do that activity until the cleaning is done.

Older kids (5 and up) can be reminded ahead of time “If you choose to make that mess, you will have to clean it up,” and they can decide if it’s worth it to them or not.  If they choose to make the mess, hold them to cleaning it up.  If they do not, or they whine and moan and take forever, then they do not get to do that particular activity again.  I have taken away messy toys/games because they would not clean them up.  It’s simple — if you don’t take care of your things and respect my property (i.e. cleaning up the kitchen, our family area, when you are done), then you don’t get to have those things.

Toddler Hurting People

Although I covered the guidelines for hitting/throwing above, those are mostly for slightly older kids.  The younger set, from around a year to 2 and a half is a bit different.  They have no self-control or ability to think ahead.  They have strong emotions and they act on them without thinking.  This does not mean they just get away with it.  If a toddler hits me, they get put down or lose my attention.  Same if they kick, pull hair, etc.  I tell them to “use nice hands.”  I back away and say “I will not help you if you kick me.”  I redirect them to new activities.  I could say “No, don’t hit the cat” 4264 times and the kid will keep doing it — or I can say “Come listen to music with me” and that’s the end of hitting the cat.  Redirection is big from 12 – 18/20 months.  After that they start to learn to talk, realize they are separate, and get more determined.

Older Toddlers Disobeying

Most of the time, the real disobedience and tantrums are not because of “behavior” issues, but because they are not feeling right.  They can be rather logical and “good” when they are feeling good, accepting redirection and “We’re not playing with that” with general ease.  It’s when they don’t feel so good that they have a short fuse and throw tantrums.  Punishment is not the answer.  We *all* have a short fuse when we don’t feel well.  So, we problem solve — hungry?  Tired?  Teeth hurting?  Typically if we can figure out what the issue is and fix it, the poor behavior stops.  My 21-month-old might wake up from a nap angry, but once I give him a snack he’s perfectly fine.  Sometimes he needs teething tea, another nap, etc.  One day last week I called “Meltdown City” because he was so angry and fussy all day.  We had just gotten back from a weekend trip and he was out of sorts.  He improved all week and was back to his normal self in a few days.

Positive Instructions

It is important to us to try to prevent problems by issuing positive instructions.  Instead of “No worms in the house!” I say “Worms live outside, please take them there.”  It’s a clear instruction and tells them what to do. Kids sometimes misbehave because they got what you don’t want them to do, but they don’t know what to do instead.  (Not unlike parents who are told not to spank but not given alternatives, eh?)  I might also say “When you want to get through, say excuse me instead of pushing.”  And I make them try again immediately if they pushed someone out of the way.  We practice good behavior.

Obey or Else

There are a few rules that we simply don’t mess around with.  ”Your car seat stays strapped until the car is off” is one.  ”Hands stay on the car or in mine in a parking lot” is another.  Anything dealing with serious health/safety issues is a firm, no-matter-what rule.  When the kids have taken straps off before the car was turned off (although we were stopped), I made them re-strap, I drove around a bit, then parked again.  I kept doing this until they were completely strapped when I stopped, until I shut the car off.  We practiced the proper behavior, and we explained why it was so important — for their safety.  This was very effective and really only required one instance before they got that I was serious and it was important.  If a kid rode a bike without a helmet, the bike would be gone for awhile.  If they ran in the street, we would go inside and be done playing immediately.  I have found it entirely possible enforce these hard-and-fast rules without spanking, although I am much more firm and the consequences are more serious and immediate, if needed, than with other rules.  I don’t mess around with safety.

I’m sure there are many more situations, and feel free to ask in the comments if you have specific questions about how I’d handle things.

Remember this is what works in our home.  Some of you are going to read this and think that you would just never handle things that way, that I am way too easy and I don’t punish enough.  Others are going to think I’m too hard and I don’t treat the kids as equals enough.  I’m not writing this so that you can judge my parenting and tell me I’m “not doing it right.”  I’m not writing this because I have all the answers.  I’m not writing this because I am a perfect parent.  I am not writing this so you will copy exactly what I do and hope it works for your family.  I am writing this to provide one example of what works for us.  That is the bottom line.

Take away from this ideas, examples and see what works for you.  Every parent and child are different, have different personalities and different needs.  That’s okay.  Use this as a general guide and nothing more.

How do you discipline your children?  Do you feel it works for you?